The Death of a King

Blog from when I was using MySpace.
Current mood: indifferent

Wouldn’t it be great if we all had baboons to show us the way when our past finally catches up to us? “You follow old Rafiki. He knows the way.” To tell us that they ‘know’ our father when we think he’s long been dead? To tell us that we are the ones who are confused? “I’m not the one who is confused. You don’t even know who you are.” A baboon who sings us a secret, telling us who we are? “Asante sana, squashed banana, we we nugu, mi mi apana.” An annoying little monkey of reason that we don’t want to hear from just as we’re crying out to our father, “You said you’d always be there for me! But you’re not. And it’s because of me. It’s my fault. It’s my fault.” I sure wish I had one. Someone tell me that my father lives in me... Tell me to remember who I am... Tell me that I’m stronger than I think... And if I ever decided to step in faith again, tell my friends that the King has returned... Can anyone prove to me that I’m not alone out here? Give me an excuse to not want to kill myself? Can anyone prove that God exists, and that Jesus really can save me? Over this past week I have proven to myself that I don’t believe. I’m back to phase one: I won’t deny or acknowledge the existence of God. “Why are you scared to dream of God when it’s salvation that you want?” ~Bright Eyes “We might die from medication but we sure killed all the pain.” ~Bright Eyes “When everything gets lonely I can be my own best friend. I get a coffee and the paper; have my own conversations; with the sidewalk and the pigeons and my window reflection. The mask I polish in the evening, by the morning looks like sh*t.” ~Bright Eyes “Home, is this a quiet place where you should be alone? Is this where the tortured and the troubled find their own? I don’t know, but I can tell this isn’t you, your cover’s blown.” ~Something Corporate “Way away, away from here I’ll be; Way away, away so you can see; How it feels to be alone and not believe (Feels to be alone and not believe), feels to be alone and not believe anything!” ~Yellowcard “Oh my God! I want to shoot myself just thinking about it. You think I don’t mean what I say? I mean every word I say!” ~mewithoutYou “I had voices come and wake me in the dead of the night. At the end of the tunnel, they say there’s a light. I hope there’s more to living than just being alive.” ~Autopilot Off The Death of a King Help me, Anybody! Somebody, help me! What will all of their voices say? When they hear of this death in the hierarchy I’m sure that every one of them will look to me I’m not ready for your going away No one ever meant for this to happen But the King is dead What am I to do? I’m not ready to step into these shoes I’ve got to get going Going to run away Run! Run! Run away and never return Run! Run! The shadows aren’t my concern As of yet, I’m not aware But they’ll have found me soon enough And I’m sure I thought that this was running scared Oh, if I could see myself now ‘What ever happened to being brave?’ But my hero is lying dead in the dirt under my feet 09/03/05 (19:05) Why can’t I believe that I’m loved when the proof is right in front of me??? :::Lauren: i miss you matt::: :::Lauren: make an appearance please::: Matt “do I still have a heart?” E. Currently watching : The Lion King (Disney Special Platinum Edition) Release date: By 07 October, 2003