Sit down and let me tell ya a little tale. Now ya see... It goes a little som'd'n like 'dis...
I was working one night at the Waffle House. It was your typical Friday night, drunks coming in an stirring things up, the regular outlaws. Then it slows down around 0130-0200. So I'm inside cleaning stuff, and the other servers and cooks are outside smoking. They come in laughing and talking about how this guy who had just pulled up peed himself in the parking lot. Not dropped his draws and peed, literally peed in his pants.
Well this group of people comes in shortly afterward and sits in my section. Three pretty attractive girls and a guy sitting in a booth.
Well, they all order their drinks and food, and then another guy comes in. Mister pee-his-pants himself. Doesn't pull up an extra chair, but sits down in the 4-seater booth (meaning 2-seater bench) and puts his arm around the most attractive girl at the table. Hands down the most attractive.
He's got wet stains running down his pant-legs, and she doesn't seemed phased by him at all.
And that's the end of my story.
Sure, there's more to it than that, but that's all I need to see everything I need to know about life, and justify several of my decisions and choices.
Lesson one. I choose to believe in the end of the world.
Why? Well, when an idiot can get so drunk he can piss himself in public and not only not be embarrassed himself, but go into a restaurant and have the attractive girl he's with not be embarrassed of him... Well that tells me the end is near.
Next...
With the end of the world so near and all, I feel perfectly justified in not seeking a romantic relationship.
Reasoning? Well, when you have to be a fun-loving guy to get a girl, and fun is clearly pissing yourself in public... I will never be a fun-loving guy, and I will never get the girl.
So now we all know why I'm single, pissed off about it, and perfectly justified in feeling this way.
No, this didn't happen this weekend. It happened a couple months ago, and I should've known to quit my job then. Yes, it really did happen. I'm so sick of dealing with drunks it's ridiculous!
Can the world end a little faster, please?
