Hello, old friend. It's been so long.
A blog! What's that? This used to be a place of freedom. A place to share with the people who weren't listening.
I want to write.
I keep watching videos on YouTube and thinking 'I used to have something to say.' Now I just have things to not say. Strangely enough, that seems to be the theme of all "recent" blog posts--silence.
Hmm... Just had the thought to look it up. It looks like I started this Blogger blog back in either Jan 2008 or late 2007 and added in all my old LiveJournal and MySpace posts. So this might be my 10-year anniversary year-ish, although I haven't really been active for a number of years.
But back to silence and breaking.
My work supervisor sat me down for a talk today. Recommended I go talk to someone (get professional help).
I imagine it's because I left a sticky note on my desk with a Jars of Clay quote on it:
"I have no fear of drowning, it's the breathing that's taking all this work" which taken out of the context of the song could seem like a reason to be concerned.
There's also been a lot of stress in life lately. Cancer in the family tends to have that effect.
All the things in my head that I could say... You know when there should be inspiration, but what you get just falls flat. Think of Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith.
I wish I could just pour my heart out. I feel like I put my life on pause 10 years ago and it's becoming so exhausting to keep moving on without it.
My supervisor's not wrong. I am stressed and I do probably need to talk to someone, but no matter who it is, it's not who I want to talk to.
Perhaps it can just be you for now. Perhaps I'll be back soon. Maybe I'll find my way back from tired to inspired.
Currently Listening to:
by The Classic Crime and Vocal Few
