I tried to type this up to mimic the way I used space when I wrote it on paper.
2021-10-16
The absence between
A and C
As though leaving it out means
It goes away
1 and 3 equals B
Bliss must be ignorance
Because if I just pretend
Then it doesn't exist
But some things are better left unsaid
The space between
The floors in the building
This tower to heaven reaches higher than it ought
(Has no one noticed the foundation is flawed?)
But there's no stopping a bullet
Train of thought
Better we not say anything at all
The absence between
The thoughts you I say
And the words that you I mean
I'll be imaginary until proven guilty
Because a jury of peers
Lack the control for silence
Background: I wrote this while flying on an airplane. On the plane, I noticed they did not label the 13th row of seats, just like in buildings that also tend to skip numbering for the 13th floor. Along with everything else going on in the world, I thought this was a somewhat absurd practice and tried experimenting with it.
In the first stanza, I'm using the letter B as imagery for 13 if the 1 and 3 were pushed too close together. The second stanza speaks of the building with more floors than the actual height, because they number the 13th floor as 14. In the last stanza, I originally wrote "you" but I crossed it out and changed to "I," and I liked the look of that because it could be either, or both. The final stanza was meant to allude to mathematics and the imaginary number, as well as the court trials that have been consuming the news.
Returning to the scene... 2021.12.14
I wrote the poem above while flying home from San Antonio. I wrote the poem below the night before, trying to capture some of the emotions going through me while I was visiting San Antonio. "Returning to the scene" was supposed to be a clever way to identify that this was an update/edit to this blog post, but it could also be a good title for this poem.
2021-10-16 (0131)
Hard to find words to identify
These feelings have been overwhelming me
The anxiety building inside my heart beat
I was last here a child
Now, though grown, I still feel the shadow
The breakdown of self as I travel
Do any of you see the significance?
Am I alone in this awe?
I was first here a child
Background: I'm unsure how to capture my feelings as I return to Lackland for the first time since I went through Basic Training in 2009. I had a lot of feelings washing over me and I felt small and insignificant.
As I was flying here, I saw a group of "kids" wearing Air Force shirts. When we transferred planes and they boarded the San Antonio flight with me, I knew they were on their way to Basic Training. They're not kids.
This is also my first time traveling away from my family in almost four years, and that brings its own emotions. Not to mention the stress added by COVID restrictions and the past two years.
