Thursday, October 18, 2007

New Lives (Now or Disaster) by Orson Scott Card

You can find more from Orson Scott Card at the feeds at the bottom of the main page of my blog.

..>..>
By Orson Scott Card May 6, 2007

Oil -- Past the Peak

People have been crying wolf about running out of oil for a long time. Back when I was in college, I was reading estimates that we'd be out of oil before the end of the 20th century.

After those predictions from my college days, vast new oil reserves were discovered -- Alaska's north slope, for instance, and the oil of the North Sea.

So it's tempting to think that because those dire predictions were wrong about when, we will never run out of oil at all.

There are even indications that a few more discoveries are still possible. That's good news -- it means we have some breathing room.

Because oil comes from "ancient sunlight" stored in the carboniferous structures of long-dead plants (ironically, during a time when the earth was much warmer than it is today -- just one more proof that "global warming" is just another term for "good weather"), there is no more of it being made.

Not only that, but not all oil is created equal. Some is of better quality; some is easier to extract.

In the 2nd quarter 2006 issue of his newsletter Wealth Creation and Preservation, Charles W. Kraut pulled together quite a bit of information from various sources and reached the conclusion that we are past the oil peak and are on the downhill slope.

In Saudi Arabia, "at least one of their five 'super giant' fields may be in danger of collapse." The Saudis responded to the American request (under Reagan) that they pump enough oil to keep the price low by "pumping brine into the oil fields to make the oil easier to extract."

Kraut's sources tell him that many of those wells are "now producing up to 90% water and only 10% oil."

Some of those giant oil fields are running out. All the others will, too -- eventually.

What is obvious is that we have used up almost all the easy oil and the "vast reserves" remaining in shale and other such marginal deposits are very expensive to extract.

There are promising technologies that may make the extraction of that oil cheaper and cleaner. Great! What will that buy us? Another thirty years? Fifty years? What then?

How short-sighted do we have to be? We have been burning oil for only a century and we've nearly used up all the easy, high-quality stuff. What if we last another hundred years before it's all gone?

Do you know what that means? Six thousand years of recorded human history, and in only two hundred years we wipe out a precious resource that can never be replaced.

I remember reading about the forests that once covered Greece and Lebanon. In my student days we were told that the reason those forests are gone is that people cut down all the trees for construction and firewood; but once the trees were gone, they could no longer hold back soil erosion, and the forests could not grow back.

Now we know that there were other contributing factors -- like global heliogenic climate change. But humans did contribute to the local change in soil and vegetation, as a matter of historical fact.

I remember thinking, as a student: How stupid were they? Couldn't they see that they were destroying their own resource?

The same thing happened in historical times on Easter Island, where the trees were wiped out by humans who could see their forest disappearing but refused to stop their self-destructive behavior.

It's so easy to feel superior to those dumb people of other times and places who did not adopt sensible changes in their way of life in time to preserve their resources.

But we're just as dumb. No, we're dumber, because we still have plenty of time to change, and we're just not willing to do it.

Why? Because we still center our lives around the automobile.

It's so sad -- a real crisis is staring us in the face and hardly anybody is talking about it, because the phantasm of global warming is getting all the press.

For two installments of this column, I wrote about what it would require to make a serious dent in oil consumption. It would require government to stop forcing us to live car-centered lives, and then reverse their policies so that most new development would be car-free, or at least pedestrian- and bicycle-friendly.

John Brown, a friend of mine, wrote to me after the first of those columns, expressing skepticism that we could do anything about that car-centered life. First, he doubted that we could get rid of the economic advantages of the big-box store that you have to drive to ("the economies of scale").

Then he brought up the single toughest problem: "Our preference for living space. The housing market follows the consumer demand. If consumers really loved living above shops and having public parks as their green space, and living stacked, then everything would be townhomes and alleys.

"People would clamor for it and it would be built. But the fact is that while some people love it, most people want a home with some space. Are you really suggesting that the demand for detached homes is artificially induced by some housing regulation that occurs in every locality in the nation?

"If the option is there, people choose more space. The only time they don't is when it's too expensive to do otherwise. How are you going to change that? Or are you suggesting that people have only been trained to want space?

"Given the economies of scale and the desire for space, we are going to have large distances between all the places we want to be. So the only way to make cars go away is to make it cost less and save time using public transportation.

"It's got to be more convenient than cars. But that still doesn't deal with the fact that the distances are large."

Brown's objection is a real one. I share the common love of open spaces. Meadows and trees are pleasing to the human eye. We like to see green life around us.

We weren't trained to want this, unless you consider evolution to be training -- the landscape the human eye generally finds beautiful to live in is precisely the savannah landscape in which predators can be seen from a distance, yet water and food are plentiful.

What we have been trained into is the need to own that space individually. It is a fact of social history that whatever only wealthy people can have, other people adopt as symbols of status.

Back when only the rich could be fat, stoutness was a sign of status. Now everybody's fat, so the rich hire personal trainers and have liposuction.

When only the rich could spend their days indoors, Europeans shunned freckles and suntans as signs of low status. Then the poor and middle class moved indoors for their labor, and the rich moved out onto the tennis courts and swimming pools.

Suddenly a suntan was a status symbol, and guess what? Fake tans! Tanning booths! Anything to seem rich!

Ownership of land has long been a symbol of status and still is. The more land, the higher the status. So what good does it to do build a million-dollar house if it isn't sitting on at least an acre, in a neighborhood where all the lots are huge.

Never mind that most of us don't have time to enjoy those huge yards; that many of us only spend time in our yard when we're mowing and weeding.

Never mind that our actual outdoor pleasures could easily be met by small patios and gardens, coupled with small public parks within walking distance of our homes.

We can't give up those big lawns because it's a symbol of our status. That land means that we've arrived. To give it up would mean that we're not successful!

Yet big house lots mean greater distances to get out of the residential neighborhood to where the retail space is. When lots are smaller and houses are closer together, you can get out of the neighborhood on foot far more easily.

That's why I said we have to change our social expectations. We have to make it a mark of shame to be stuck in a neighborhood where the lots are so huge that you can't walk in order to get anywhere.

It's already a huge inconvenience and expense. I daresay most readers of this column spend most of their gas money and transportation time on two things: Shopping and commuting. And how much of that is spent just getting out of your neighborhood?

Admit it: You're sick of those drives you take every day. You dread getting in the car time after time, just to get through the day.

But you can't quit because ... because where would you move? Into a poor neighborhood? That wouldn't put you any closer to work, would it? And you spent all that time and money getting out of neighborhoods of small yards and small houses, didn't you?

What we need, then, is for people with money to do what money buys you the power to do: improve their lives. And the first improvement is to get out of those miserable island neighborhoods where you own a lot of land but have no time to enjoy it because you're driving driving driving all the time.

Look at how you actually use your big yard. Backyard barbecue on the patio or deck. Toddlers playing in a fenced and protected space. Gardening -- flowers and vegetables. Now and then, a big athletic activity or party that uses the whole lawn space.

Now imagine living in a house where your garage opens onto the alley in the back. You still have a deck or patio in back, and a small but decent grassy area with trees. Big enough for the barbecue. Big enough for toddlers to play in. Big enough for trees to grow and tree forts to be built.

Your front yard is small, too, but you can make it a garden spot and sit on the front porch and watch people pass by just beyond your picket fence, while the toddlers play inside that fence.

Across the street or just around the corner there's a park with wide open greenspace, where those occasional games of hide-and-seek and ultimate Frisbee and touch football can be played. Where neighborhood kids can get together for pickup games of soccer or softball, without having to drive them to league games.

Neighborhoods where everybody walks to school on sidewalks, and shops on foot or on bicycles (or has purchases delivered).

You know, the neighborhoods in It's a Wonderful Life.

Those neighborhoods have disappeared, at first because everybody wanted to appear rich, and later because local governments legislated to make everything more convenient for drivers.

We need to get government to stop forcing all developers to follow the car-centered pattern of development, and to start requiring that new developments be foot-friendly and connected rather than islanded.

And we need to change our values. We need to recognize that these big yards and exclusive neighborhoods are sucking time and money out of our lives.

We need to start demanding not to have real estate agents show us isolated, lonely, yard-heavy houses that require us to drive all the time and then, when we're home, spend all our time tending the doggone yard!

We need to say, "I want to be within an easy walk of a grocery store, with sidewalks all the way." "I don't want a huge yard -- who has time for it? -- I want to see a house near a public park where the kids can play and then come home when I call."

But you don't even think to ask for those things because you already know that they don't exist.

They will if you want them.

My friend John Brown reminded me that people like privacy, and I agree -- we do. But small yards with fences offer as much privacy as we have now with big yards.

And along with privacy, we also have a need for human company and a dread of complete isolation. Right now we isolate ourselves to an uncomfortable, unnatural degree. It's one of the reasons we are so susceptible to fearmongering politics -- we close our garage door and huddle alone in our television rooms and watch the screen and tremble because there's no easily-accessible dose of human company just outside the house.

John Brown asked me, if we dread isolation so much, "Why don't cities and communities start with bunched-up tight quarters? Why do they always start spread out and then begin subdividing as demand and, therefore, prices rise?"

But my friend has forgotten his history (or, knowing America's educational system, he never knew it). Towns all> start bunched up. Even tiny villages bunch up -- for protection, so you know who belongs and who doesn't. The spreading only began with the car. all>

Now you see suburban developments get plunked down in the middle of nowhere -- but that's because the developers know that the government will build roads to connect them, so the developers go where the land is cheap.

Think about that. The developers go where the land is cheap, which means land outside the city, far from any useful destination. And why is it cheap there? Because nobody wants to live there. Property values are much higher closer in, so only the rich can afford to build big, status-sized houses close to town.

The rising middle class has to go miles from anywhere to find houses they can afford. They hope that when enough of them have moved into an area, somebody will build a grocery store.

But my plan would require the developer to build the grocery store into the plan for the village he's building right from the start. The streets would all connect; no cul-de-sacs. There would be sidewalks everywhere, and retail close at hand. It would be a neighborhood from the moment you move in.

Right now, the reason we build in distant, isolated neighborhoods is because they are undesirable and therefore easier to afford. If they were desirable, then that is the land that would be in the most demand, and therefore it would be the most expensive.

Even if you like things fine the way they are -- you're proud of your SUV and love spending most of your free time in it, and you adore mowing the yard every week instead of doing things with your family -- then think about this:

Because of the rate we're burning oil, our kids, or maybe grandkids, won't have any.

So they'll have to live in smaller neighborhoods. They'll have to walk or take public transportation.

The difference is, it will have come on them as a disaster, an economic collapse, and they really will be poor.

We could do it now, voluntarily, virtually without cost. The money you save by burning less gasoline and the time you save by driving less and the health you gain by walking more -- these will easily pay for any rise in prices of commodities (though I don't think there will need to be any).

By cutting car use in half, we'll have enough oil to keep airplanes flying for three or four hundred years (solar powered, coal-fired, or nuclear airplanes are not a serious option on anybody's timetable).

We can keep getting those out-of-season fruits from South America into our kitchens, and taking vacations on distant islands.

We can continue to live richly, by ceasing to consider huge houses, endless driving, and big box stores a desirable thing in our lives.

Remember, truly rich people have drivers take them on those tedious commutes, so they can do something better with their time during the drive. Which is what people who take the bus and the train also get. It's only the middle class that's suckered into wasting all those hours driving themselves everywhere.

If you're spending all your time on the road, my friends, then you have definitely not arrived.

Let's get our status symbols in order, get out of our cars, live in our neighborhoods, and make sure that our children don't have to pay for the irreplaceable gasoline we so ignorantly combusted. -->include virtual="/templates/essay_bottom.html" --> -->include virtual="/templates/main3.html" --> -->include virtual="a_menu.html" --> -->include virtual="/templates/main4_noadd.html" -->

http://www.ornery.org/essays/warwatch/2007-05-06-1.html

..>..>
Copyright © -->config timefmt="%Y"--> -->echo var="DATE_LOCAL"--> Hatrack River Enterprises Inc. All rights reserved.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

The Great Disappearing Act

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: depressed
Category: Writing and Poetry

The Final Chapter, The Final Blog
The Great Disappearing Act

07-29-07 (02:55)
I'm neither coming nor going
Like the waves in the sea
An endless ocean of glass
The window through which we gaze
To watch the time pass by
Never knowing uncertainty
The bottom's there
Even if we'll never see it
There's and end to everything
So even if we're drown out by the questions
The answers are there
At the very bottom of everything.

Time And Again
07-31-07 (22:04) (it's been a long time since I've named a poem)
I'm so tired of the headaches
The earaches
The sound
I'm fed up with toothaches
And waking to find my teeth on the ground
The heartache's taken it's toll
And I've paid my dues time and again
So here I'll tell you
So you'll know it's over
At the toll of the clock tower
And the chime of the bell
Don't call me back this time!
You've never returned my calls before
You couldn't prove your words true
Anymore than I could prove I didn't love you
But I've had enough
And it's going down in a blaze of glory
A magnificent glow
Burning bridges in the midnight moonlight
You'll know it's done
When you see the blaze so great
Even from your distant perch
You'll know it's done
You've failed to prove your words
And this is how you'll know it's done!

I'm tired of being so tired
Running myself
Wearing down and out
I'm tired of being worn out
So undress yourself from me
And find some other heart to wear
You've been naked and cold for so long
So long!
My heart has broken away from you
So far away!
Shattered by the chill of your ice-cold, frozen love
So distant
So silent
And so unwilling
So distant
So silent
I'm so glad...
To be moving on from you
I'm so glad...
No more hurting
I'll be moving on from you.
This time it's time
And I won't miss it again. (22:31)

08-01-07 (01:33)
You're the calm before the storm
And I can't take it anymore
Just hit already
Hit
And tear me to F*cking bits!
You're doing it anyway
So just get it
Over and done with
You have nothing to fear
Cause when you're done I won't be here
So just blow away every part of me
That ever loved every part of you


08-01-07 (13:32)
Burning on the inside
Quiet on the outside
Not so sure ... what to do
I just let go
And it's all over the nightly news

You were the first
And I'm making you the last
If you can take that
Take that!
If you can take that
Take that promise you your grave
It'll never happen again

You missed out on what could've been
The greatest romance you were ever in
And I'm just letting you know that...
I'm just letting you know that it's over

Questions burning on my tongue
Answers dancing on my brain
Next time
Oh (what am I talking about?)
Next time
I'll make sure she doesn't have a problem
Opening her mouth and forming words
Dialing a number
Answering a phone
Standing up for what she loves
Next time
Oh (what am I talking about?)
Next time
There surely won't be one

You missed out on what could've been
The greatest romance you were ever in
And I'm just letting you know
I'm just letting you know that it's over

Burning on the inside
Quiet on the outside
Not so sure .... what to do
I just let go
Yeah
I just let go of you.

08-01-07 (14:18)
(trying and failing to take a more accurate tone)
Burning on the inside
Quiet on the outside
Not so sure ... what to do
I just let go
I just let go of you

She's been tell me
That I know
How she feels about it
And she said it sounds
Like I've finally made up my mind

It's been so quiet lately
So quiet all the time

You were the first
And I'm making you the last
Take that promise to your grave
I'll never happen again

I want someone cool and calm
Quite composed not overwhelmed
And when she can't take it
She's not afraid to ask for help
She doesn't have a problem talking
Even when she's far away
And she'll stand up to her parents
For this love she's not afraid


08-01-07 (14:38)
(going serious again, but failing to express in the end, like I start off on the right foot, but then get lost and distracted somewhere)
I really feel it on the inside
I really don't want to let go
But what am I holding on to?
What am I holding on to?
Heavy, something's fallen onto me
Weighing me down
Responsibility.
You said you had to prove me wrong
And I gave you your chance
I wanted you to win
But you can't
You've just proven me right again
You can't talk
I don't know why
But I know I can't stay silent
I have to stand up and fight
Someone out there wants what you've stolen from me
My heart, it's a valued treasure
And you can't seem to appreciate
I guarded it so well and gratefully handed it away
To someone who cared
But you're not her
And I need it back now
I won't be used as a backup plan to fall in love

08-01-07 (14:40)
Get busy living
Or get busy dying
I'm not waiting around for this

Currently listening :
Cover Your Eyes
By Sullivan
Release date: By 05 June, 2007
0 Comments - 0 Kudos

It won't last forever (Don't miss out) "Setting the Stage"

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: depressed
Category: Writing and Poetry

Okay, so to catch up for the past month....

07-02-07 (01:30)

Oh I'm so tired
Having to watch the hero get the girl
Why can't they make the Real World
More like the life we know?
Cause I don't see the ending happily
I just see a nice guy
Trying to be (strong)
Getting strung along
And strangled by a leash
Like tug-o-war
But I'm fighting with a tree
Please
Just come out and say it
I hope you get
Everything you've ever wanted
But why can't you tell me
That I'm just your sturdy ground
When you fail to find anything else

07-03-07 (02:11)

I've decided
I'll never be lonely again
Never again
I'll accustom myself
To being on my own
And once I've accomplished the task
I'll never be lonely again
After that
I'll never be lonely
Only all alone!
But never lonely again
Never again.

Like taking the strongest drug
Over time
The dose isn't strong enough
And I'll phase it out
I'll where myself down
Like a pencil whose lead's run out
I'll scratch it all down
And carve it all out
Leaving hints in the softer stones
As to how I'll be living alone
And once I've accomplished the task
I'll never bee lonely again
I'll never be lonely
After that
I'll be on my own
Only all alone
But I'll never be lonely again
Never again

07-16-07 (01:17)

So call the bet on the weather report
There's been a disturbance in the news
This signals growing weaker
And all I can hear is how you're ready for...

Now the static's found its way in
Disrupting the peace you've been trying to find
The sound of silence
Has plucked my eyes from their sockets
And now it's singing me goodnight.

What is there left to prove?
Can you still question my doubt
I told you
I'll believe it when I see it
Or when I hear that sound

Now the static's found its way in
Disrupting the peace you've been trying to find
The sound of silence
Has plucked my eyes from their sockets
And now it's singing me goodnight.

How strong is the power of love?
A bond like nothing else could hold
A bond not easily broken
But silence...
Too bad you're feeling so alone!
Too bad Too bad
And I'm sorry
I know exactly how it feels
In time I escaped its shackles
But here you are
Trying to chain me again!
And I'm so sorry...
For you.

07-19-07 (13:18)
Maybe I'm not so afraid now
Dying alone
Alone isn't so bad anymore.

07-26-07 (18:13)
I forget she's an artist

07-26-07 (18:17)

I've become afraid of making mistakes
My writings have always been honest
Truth from my heart
I don't know what's true anymore.
How can I accuse?
Who has done wrong?
What have I made up?
What's true?
I forget.

07-26-07 (23:31)

I've forgotten
But I'll make it up to you
I've been blinded
And I've forgotten
How to open my eyes
Filling up with spiders
Howling moon tonight
My eyes are wired wide
And all I can see through these webs
Darkened skies
The vulgarities and
All the lies!

07-29-07 (02:55)
........
07-31-07 (22:04)
........
08-01-07 (01:33)
........

Well, I apologize for these next two. They are rather stupid and expressing parts of what I wanted to express, but not everything. I was listening to Cute Is What We Aim For at the time that I wrote them earlier today, and so I had this poppy emo tune in my head which did not allow me to express the wholeness of how I felt in the seriousness that I felt it. Anyway...

08-01-07 (13:32)

Burning on the inside
Quiet on the outside
Not so sure ... what to do
I just let go
And it's all over the nightly news

You were the first
And I'm making you the last
If you can take that
Take that!
If you can take that
Take that promise you your grave
It'll never happen again

You missed out on what could've been
The greatest romance you were ever in
And I'm just letting you know that...
I'm just letting you know that it's over

Questions burning on my tongue
Answers dancing on my brain
Next time
Oh (what am I talking about?)
Next time
I'll make sure she doesn't have a problem
Opening her mouth and forming words
Dialing a number
Answering a phone
Standing up for what she loves
Next time
Oh (what am I talking about?)
Next time
There surely won't be one

You missed out on what could've been
The greatest romance you were ever in
And I'm just letting you know
I'm just letting you know that it's over

Burning on the inside
Quiet on the outside
Not so sure .... what to do
I just let go
Yeah
I just let go of you.

I was trying to rewrite this with all the ideas that I wanted to express, but failed again. So here are the results of that failure.

08-01-07 (14:18)
Burning on the inside
Quiet on the outside
Not so sure ... what to do
I just let go
I just let go of you

She's been tell me
That I know
How she feels about it
And she said it sounds
Like I've finally made up my mind

It's been so quiet lately
So quiet all the time

You were the first
And I'm making you the last
Take that promise to your grave
I'll never happen again

I want someone cool and calm
Quite composed not overwhelmed
And when she can't take it
She's not afraid to ask for help
She doesn't have a problem talking
Even when she's far away
And she'll stand up to her parents
For this love she's not afraid

I then tried not rewriting, but that failed as well. So here is that failure. I just couldn't express all that I wanted to. I keep going of to different things. It's like I start off on the right foot, but then get lost and distracted somewhere.

08-01-07 (14:38)

I really feel it on the inside
I really don't want to let go
But what am I holding on to?
What am I holding on to?
Heavy, something's fallen onto me
Weighing me down
Responsibility.
You said you had to prove me wrong
And I gave you your chance
I wanted you to win
But you can't
You've just proven me right again
You can't talk
I don't know why
But I know I can't stay silent
I have to stand up and fight
Someone out there wants what you've stolen from me
My heart, it's a valued treasure
And you can't seem to appreciate
I guarded it so well and gratefully handed it away
To someone who cared
But you're not her
And I need it back now
I won't be used as a backup plan to fall in love

08-01-07 (14:40)
Get busy living
Or get busy dying
I'm not waiting around for this

Currently listening :
Cover Your Eyes
By Sullivan
Release date: By 05 June, 2007
0 Comments - 0 Kudos

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Coming Soon!

Blog from MySpace.

Category: Blogging

Hey,

I feel like writing...
I feel very inspired...
I'm just not sure if I can get it out...
We'll see.
Hopefully I'll be posting some new poems soon.

1 Comments - 0 Kudos

Jesus loves the HELL outta you!!

I'll be glad to see them. Have Fun in J'Ville!

Posted by Jesus loves the HELL outta you!! on Wednesday, July 11, 2007 at 11:37 PM

VISIT!!!!! (You want to see this, TRUST ME!)

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: Lost In Thought...
Category: Travel and Places

So, I will FINALLY be making my way back to Jacksonville, Orange Park,.... ETC.

I believe Thursday, July 19th, is Warped Tour. Anyway, if Austin picked up a ticket for me, I'll be going, whenever it is.
Party Saturday for Brianna, coming home from France. Yippee!!!!
(I'm gonna give you a great big bear hug and never let go!)
I'll be leaving Sunday.

So.
Friday is my entirely free day (so far... probably a swing night too...)... And Austin's birthday... (I should bring my unicycle)
Well, call me now, and start trying to arrange things, I'm sure plans will change once I get there, but I will try to get some time with you if you call me up.
I can't offer whole days, but lunch or dinner and an hour or two to hang out maybe.
Call me!
Can't wait to see everyone. Especially Brainna!!!
(Oh, I think, I get to stay at the Webbs again. Thank God for them, they are so amazing. They have blessed me so much with their love and caring and open doors.)

CALL ME!!!!!

Currently listening :
Catch for Us the Foxes
By mewithoutYou
Release date: By 05 October, 2004

2 Comments - 4 Kudos


Blossoming Orchid

Yay i so happy yopur comming, ok so i have known when it is that you are comming for a while. but yay. im so excited right now :D i just cant wqait to see Brianna, oh and i am moving to southside like this weekend :) Yay. anyways cant wait to see you when you come. ~kay

Posted by Blossoming Orchid on Thursday, July 12, 2007 at 5:46 PM


Brianna

I didn't see the unicycle. I'm so glad you were here though. I've missed you Matt!

Posted by Brianna on Sunday, July 22, 2007 at 12:59 PM

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Birthday Party!!!!!!!!!!

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: tired
Category: Life

I'm sorry everyone... (not that too many of you are in Jacksonville)

But I will NOT make it to Murray Hill Theatre for Swing Dancing on my Birthday...

I love you all, and miss you very much...

But I am WAY more than broke at the moment.

I'm not working a whole lot...
My roommate is moving out next week
So I will be paying rent by myself come next month... (maybe not though....)
Gas... (need I say more?)
Anyway... Money's really REALLY tight....

I really want to move back to Jacksonville... I miss life there...
And I can't wait for one of you to get home from France!!!!

So anyway... I have these EXCITING plans for my birthday....
.....
....
dinner with my family....
(yippee....) :-(
What a wonderful birthday....
Oh well... I suppose it could be worse...

Currently listening :
Son, I Loved You at Your Darkest
By As Cities Burn
Release date: By 21 June, 2005

3 Comments - 0 Kudos

Blossoming Orchid

thats sad, i was hoping that you would be here, but yeah i totally understand the money thing. oh well you have to come to jax soon enough anyways, i mean Bri is comming back. so now you have something to look forward to. :)

Posted by Blossoming Orchid on Thursday, June 14, 2007 at 4:11 AM


Brianna

Awwwww! You won't be there when I get back? Well, I geuss it's ok, I know I'll see you at some point when I get back! Love you Matt!

Posted by Brianna on Thursday, June 14, 2007 at 5:56 AM


quig the joker

Look at it in a differnt view through these trials you have a chance to grow spirtually open a new chapter and doors and while its hard missing home just remember were ever we rome is temporary get amessage going with me talk to me I'll be your accountablity partner I'm worried your always so up beat livly but lately that seems to be missing you have my number pick up and call I not pysically worried but spirtually and with that I go

Posted by quig the joker on Saturday, June 16, 2007 at 4:57 PM

A letter to prove it... I deserve BETTER!!!!

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: exhausted
Category: Life

Well a friend (a WONDERFULLY GREAT friend) recently sent me a message. This isn't all of it... but most of it.

Matt,
I'm worried about you. We havn't talked, or e-mailed, for qutie awhile and the blogs that you've been posting lately seem more than just discouraged or lonesome. I hate the idea that your feeling so down, but I don't know what I can do to make you feel better. KNow that I love you and I'm here for you, if you need me. ... I will drop everything and talk with you. I don't like you feeling this way, Mathew. You shouldn't be, your to good of a guy. Please call me. I want to hear from you...And I wouldn't mind knowing how Tiger Lilly is doing either. :)!
I love you lots

This just made me think... something that I was just thinking while driving up here to my mom's office.

Friends always have enough time to care...

So this just helps to support what I've been thinking... that I am so much better than the demons that I've been fighting.
The demons don't care about me...
They don't respond to me when I cry out... left out... alone... drained of all life...
They are the ones sucking the life out of me...
And I've been letting them...

And so as I was saying in my last blog...

I AM DONE!!!!
I am DONE with you demons!!!
I'm sick and tired of bowing to you're weakness...
And accepting your "love" as the best I deserve...
I deserve so much more than you...
Hate from my friends shows more caring than the "love" that you claim to have for me.

I will not be drown by this anymore...
You will leave me alone!!!
Because I am DONE!!!!

Currently listening :
Son, I Loved You at Your Darkest
By As Cities Burn
Release date: By 21 June, 2005

3 Comments - 4 Kudos

Blossoming Orchid

im glad that your letting go and leaving your demons, because you really are great and you diserve the best.

Posted by Blossoming Orchid on Thursday, June 14, 2007 at 4:06 AM


Brianna

I'm glad your leaving "them" behind and I like the tone of this blog better. And I can't wait to see you soon!

Posted by Brianna on Thursday, June 14, 2007 at 5:54 AM


Catharine

So, should I start with asking how are you??? It's been a really long time but I still read your blogs when I sign in to myspace and check up on how you are doing. What's new with you?? If you have a chance drop me a message and catch me up on your life.

Take it easy, Catharine

Posted by Catharine on Monday, July 02, 2007 at 9:48 PM

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Is Done Good Enough??? What you wanted???

Blog from MySpace. Current mood:  pissed off Category: Life

I'm done!!!!! It's OVER!!!!! I'm not putting up with it. I've been trying and trying... The prayers that I rarely pray keep hitting the ceiling... New Strategy. Pray more often... then... when the ceiling isn't there... some will go through. And that's it... I'm done!!! DONE WITH YOU!!!! You asked for it... You've begged for it... You tried to cover it... You should've seen this coming... You did it to yourself...



Currently listening : Son, I Loved You at Your Darkest By As Cities Burn Release date: By 21 June, 2005

1 Comments - 0 Kudos

quig the joker

what ever your done with you must keep in mind your best interest aren't always gods best interest and here it bowls down to a matter of the heart until you are ever to ask with your heart set on him and only him but remeber he knowevery thought every intention on your mind but those may not be his thoughts and intentions for you for I have plans declares the lord plans to prosper you plans to give you hope hope this helps

Posted by quig the joker on Tuesday, June 12, 2007 at 8:08 AM

Friday, June 8, 2007

Splitting means one leaves another

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: rejected
Category: Life


I have a headache...

I'm tired...

I'm really feeling quite lonely...

And people care... they're just not the people I really want to care...

And I'm gonna go home...

Where I will be alone...

See ya later... (but probably not)

Currently listening :
Cover Your Eyes
By Sullivan
Release date: By 05 June, 2007

3 Comments - 0 Kudos

Jesus loves the HELL outta you!!

Dude, I hate that you feel this way. I've been there....and visit often enough. If you need anything, just holler. I luv ya man! Next time I get down there we gotta get together. Stay straight

Posted by Jesus loves the HELL outta you!! on Saturday, June 09, 2007 at 1:22 AM


quig the joker

Matt hate you feel like that man get some sleep another beautiful day lies ahead

Posted by quig the joker on Saturday, June 09, 2007 at 12:48 PM


This Profile No Longer Exists

Saturday, June 2, 2007

Be a Man About It!

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: Gotta Go... (potty!!!)
Category: Writing and Poetry

Okay, so I know the ending's a bit cheesy... but I still like the whole idea... It just might need some ironing.

Be a Man About It!
06-01-07 (18:32)

Maybe it's too simple
I've been in a childlike state-of-mind
But now you've got me thinking like what a man should be
And it's got my stomach turning
Over and over
It's got me sleeping less
And dreaming horrors
And oh, Dear,
You know I love you to death
But this way you've got me thinking
Has got me thinking we're better off dead

I wrote the story
And this is how it goes
I'll hold you close my love
I don't wanna die lonely
But when the sea starts spilling
Over the sides of the boat
Leave me to drown, Baby
I can hit rock bottom alone.

I've been spending all my days
With a tired old man
He doesn't think much of conversation
But the calluses on his hand 'll show you
He's been shoveling mud
For a lifetime or two
And his words are carefully chosen
And properly spoken.
I think he's trying to tell me
About what a man should be
And this way he's got me thinking
Has got me digging for life vests
Watch out how fast...
We're going down!

I wrote the story
And this is how it goes
I'll hold you close my love
I don't wanna die lonely
But when the sea starts spilling
Over the sides of the boat
Leave me to drown, Baby
I can hit rock bottom alone.

But this way you've got me thinking
It's got my stomach churning like the sea
And my elderly friend stopped speaking
He's just staring blankly at me
Was it something I said?
Was it something I did?
Was it a choice that I made?
I built a lifeboat out of this sinking ship
And I'll show you what a real man should be

I chose the story
And this is how we're going
I'll hold you close with passion
We're not gonna die my lovely
And when the angered sea starts spilling
Over the sides of this boat
Just leave it to me, Baby
I'm keeping this ship afloat.
(19:24)


And if anyone hasn't noticed that I've been listening to Chasing Victory a bit lately... They have a new CD out called "Fiends." It's a bit short, but it is a GREAT CD!
And don't forget Sullivan's new CD "Cover Your Eyes" out this Tuesday.
Grab it. It sounds awesome from what I've heard online.

Currently listening :
Fiends
By Chasing Victory
Release date: By 08 May, 2007

2 Comments - 2 Kudos

Blossoming Orchid

I really like this one Matt, even the ending ;)

Posted by Blossoming Orchid on Saturday, June 02, 2007 at 9:39 PM


This Profile No Longer Exists

Sullivan "Cover Your Eyes"

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: CAN'T WAIT!!!!!
Category: Music

Hey Everyone -

SULLIVAN is releasing a new album this Tuesday, JUNE 5TH. They have written an amazing record and everyone should go pick up a copy this Tuesday!

Be sure to check out their page and listen to some of the great tracks, produced by the infamous James Paul Wisner (Underoath, Dashboard Confessional, Paramore, etc.). And check them out on the road right now with MXPX and all summer with tons of other great bands!!!

VISIT THEM HERE!!!
..


Be a part of SULLIVAN'S MySpace takeover! Just create your own bulletin and blog and let all your friends know who Sullivan is!
Currently listening :
Cover Your Eyes
By Sullivan
Release date: By 05 June, 2007
0 Comments - 0 Kudos