Two Songs for the World Today

Wow. Thinking of problems today, and why we can’t get people into one room to share simple discussions. (Last week, someone commented that you can only lead a horse so close to water before you end up with a drowned horse.) We need connection so much, and yet no one is willing to enter the room (or arena as Brené Brown calls it, currently reading Dare to Lead). I just want to quit and give up trying, but am I doing this for me, or for the people I hope to get into the room?

Then it hit me. Two songs came to mind. The first song I thought of is the reason people won't enter the room. The second song that came to mind later signifies getting people into the room to discuss the problem.

First song: "So Selfish It's Funny"
(lyrics below, but if playing the video, you may want to turn the volume down)

Song: So Selfish It's Funny
Band: Showbread
Album: No Sir, Nihilism Is Not Practical
Lyrics:

Someday they'll write a book about you
Because you're so selfish it's funny
So self-absorbed, this thunderous horde
Of you, you, you
So self-absorbed, this thunderous horde
Of you, you, you

Yeah, I'd love you
But you love yourself
And you'd love me
But I love myself

So tense are these nerves in any instance
Teeth snap and a toe taps the dirt
Cry like a baby and see if then maybe the others will cherish your hurt
Never you see a cry or a plea
Consider another or first
Know this is YOUR world
The harsh words you have hurled
Recall you are the one in need worse

Yeah, I'd love you
But you love yourself
And you'd love me
But I love myself
Yeah, I'd love you
But you love yourself

Ignoring you, I dance, oh I do
Through magnificent realms, quite divine
Stopping to see my face smiling at me
For this is my life and my time

Yeah, I'd love you
But you love yourself
And you'd love me
But I love myself
Yeah, I'd love you
But you love yourself
And we'd serve you
But we serve ourselves

What an arduous task, it proves such a feat to be only one of a kind
Through the scenery slips through the spaces we meet
Press forward and leave me behind

What a child you are, for you look just like me
Looking out for number one, I'm all that I have and all that I see
Saved by the grace of the Son
So shall we deny?
And rot as we die?
As I write a book about me
My noble wealth of serving myself
I am so selfish it's funny

Giving up to start again

This past week has been rough.

• Monday I told my boss I planned to do something in a month and he said he approved of the idea.
• Tuesday I was crushed due to lack of participation in a project I've been working on, which ultimately throws off the plans I proposed on Monday (hard to host a special event when nobody wants to participate).
• Wednesday, I had the opportunity to discuss my project with a coach in order to iron out kinks and hopefully, eventually, push the project to a larger audience. My coach was in a van full of people on the road, distracted, and the call dropped several times before it devolved into a text message conversation with no productive outcome.
• Thursday, I felt so defeated, I didn't bother participating in my own project event. I didn't even bother checking in with the people that normally participate to see if it went well, or even happened at all. I was ready to throw in the towel.

I've been listening to the book "Dare to Lead" by Brené Brown, and Tuesday, I came across the section where she shares a story by Retired Air Force Colonel Dede Halfhill. The story touched on exactly what I was feeling and struggling with all week--exhaustion and loneliness.

I loved the way Dr. Brown narrated the story in the book, so I went looking for a clip of that exact audio on YouTube. I didn't find it, but I did find a couple videos with different tellings of the same story. 

edit: I should add that this list is in the order I found these videos. I've been bouncing around rewatching them to absorb the story, and I'd probably recommend watching them in chronological order: 2010 TED Talk, 2012 TED Talk, The Art of Language and Connection, and finally the Interview with Col Halfhill (retired). Now back to my regularly scheduled chaos...

First, here's the story. A weaker telling, but as close to the book as I could find:

This story revealed to me that the exhaustion I'm facing is LONELINESS. I feel alone in my efforts. I feel alone because I can't express my feelings with anyone due to the mandate of sterile, politically correct language. I lack friends. I feel alone at work. I feel alone at home. I don't know how to connect with others, or who to connect with. But this story tells me I'm not alone in those feelings.

In my search for other versions of the story, I found a full interview with Col Halfhill (retired) that covered The Man in the Arena quote by Theodore Roosevelt and how she met Brené Brown and shared the story that ended up in the book. I watched shortened clips of the interview out of order, but here's the full interview from start to finish. Thank you Josh for starting The HeroFront Podcast. I wish I had found this nine months ago:

This interview mentioned Brené Brown's TED Talks, so I went digging for those.

First there was Brené Brown's 2010 TED talk on Vulnerability:

And finally, Brené Brown's 2012 TED Talk on Shame (I think this one is stronger than the 2010 talk):

So now I'm back to reassessing the value of my project. Ultimately, I have to remember it's not about me. As I prepare to share some of these videos with my coworkers, and open up about my struggles, I drafted up the following to describe why I continue pressing forward:

For every one of me that's struggling to get people involved, there are hundreds of you who could potentially benefit from one of these discussions. So I can't give up.

Ultimately, the potential benefit this might bring far outweighs my frustrations and disappointments.

Accordingly, God reminded me this morning that He is bigger than my unmet expectations.

Also, just to end this in the key of AWESOME! Col Halfhill's story reminds me of this amazing song:

Jars of Clay, "Work" from the album Good Monsters (which is truly incredible, if you haven't heard it).

Another highlight from Good Monsters is the track "Oh My God":

And I'm done. Thanks.

The Right, Wrong Answer

 So, I just watched a video, which I thought was outstanding, until I wanted to comment and find an answer to a problem. The only problem with my comment was that it opened up other problems and would probably upset people. So I'll post it here where it's less likely to offend someone (or ever be seen at all).

Here's the video by Cinema Therapy: Therapist Reacts to Implicit Bias in ZOOTOPIA

My issue was with the "articulate fella'" compliments. I've been guilty of saying such things myself and I wanted my comment to express my concern of what should I say (if anything) in those types of situations? What my comment ended up saying was "I understand how you're offended, but do you see how that offends me?" and I've already been here all night going back and forth with the logic of "I see how you can see that, but can you see how I meant it?" and it's driving me nuts. This is what's kills me about whatever this is, "woke" culture or "cancel" culture. I don't know what it is, but these days we're expected to treat everyone equally, but equally based on what? I can't treat one person or party one way without offending another, and I'm so tired of feeling like I'm walking on eggshells because you've established the standard that I'm not allowed to offend you or anyone else! That's the issue I want an answer to. Can we all just agree to not be offended? Or does that offend someone? (of course it does!)

So here's my rambling comment that will not be posted on the video itself: 

Okay, to flip this away from race, because I've been guilty of "articulate fella'" comments, and I don't want to dig myself into that hole, but I do want to delve into how to fix it. So to look at a similar problem from a different perspective, I was recently thinking about how to encourage my daughter with school as she grows. I grew up with the typical A-F and 100 points or less grading scales. My daughter's elementary report cards now simply say "Meets", "Approaching", or "Below" the standard (MS, AS, BS)... (on a side note... that grade is BS!). Back on track, because this is serious, and I hope you'll see my comparison here in a second. I was thinking about when I was a kid, I had friends who would get monetary rewards for an A or B on their report cards, so I told my mom, because I wanted a reward too. But here's the problem, some of my friends usually had Cs, and had to work really hard for those Bs and As. I almost always had As. So I could easily get the same reward, but it doesn't mean the same thing.

Let's change the situation and reward a bit and say my daughter always gets MS, but my son always gets AS. How do I express the same love to both children when I get very excited that my son got an MS, but for my daughter, MS is just par for the course and I still love her the same? Do you see where I'm going with this and how it ties back to the "articulate fella'" type "compliments"? Am I wrong for getting excited that my son got an MS? Is it just as wrong as being excited to meet "a real articulate fella'" when I expected they wouldn't be? Do I love my daughter less because she can't exceed an established standard but love my son more because he can exceed his standard?

I know that problem is fairly straight forward, but do you see the hidden problem (and the hole I didn't want to dig myself into)?

I'll call it the "I'm offended that you're offended" problem.

Let's say I reward my son for his hard work and give him $5. Then I also reward my daughter with $5 because she did well too. Is it right for my son to be offended that his sister got the same reward even though she might not have had to work as hard? Is it right for my daughter to be offended that her brother got the same reward when she could have done better if the standard allowed for a "better" rating? Now with both of them offended, am I not allowed to be offended that they are offended by my reward?

I know this is a little bit different than biased complements, but this is the problem, and I'm not sure there is ever a right answer. If a person can mow a lawn in 45 minutes, do they deserve more/less/the same pay as a person who takes 60 minutes? Say one is a person of color, one is a woman, one is tall, weak, strong, fast, slow... How do we treat people equally? If you're offended at me because you think I'm treating you unequally, can I be offended right back because I did my best to be fair?

How do I encourage my daughter and son to strive for excellence equally when excellence is different for each? How do I avoid instilling a bias that my daughter "outshines" other kids at school (or at home) because she always "meets the standard"? Is the reward the problem? Is the standard? We are all different. I can't tell my son to "be smarter" or "more articulate" any more than I can tell my daughter to "be less smart" or "less articulate."

So how do we compliment and encourage desirable traits and behaviors without discouraging based on stereotypes and biases? Who establishes desirable traits and behaviors? 

A day in the Life

So I miss blogging...
I've been feeling it for a while now.

I WANT to BLOG!!

You know, I just live all up here in my head and sometimes I just need some fresh air.
So I would like you to join me, and take a stroll in my footsteps of today. (if you don't have time to follow all of them, at least follow the last step)

(Wobbly time travel effects, lightning bolts and such)

So today (among other things I've been working on)... well, actually, all the things I've been working on tie together. Well not all of them.
Researching and shopping for components to build a computer doesn't tie in at all.

Anyway, this morning I was trying to clear out my email inbox (~300 unread messages, ugh...)
Now down to 45, YEAH!!
So the following is about the point I stopped clearing emails and what follows will probably explain why.
So I saw an email from Tooth & Nail Records and clicked on the part that looked like this: (you can click too)======>

After watching the Zombie video, I watched the Dance or Die video.

 <========

 After that I saw several videos in the sidebar. One song, Cray Button (feat Lecrae) caught my eye. I like FF5 and Lecrae, but before that I wanted to check out something else. A video that seemed random and completely unrelated to Family Force 5. So this is what I clicked next:

 I didn't know why it was showing up, and I wanted to check it out. After watching that video, I saw this:

 meekakitty does Cray Button? Okay.

 So I clicked it.

After that, I was intrigued. I wanted to see the FF5 Cray Button video, but before I link you straight to the highlight of my blog, here's what happened AFTER I watched the Cray Button video:

I checked out the FF5 video for Wobble: 

After enjoying that, I checked out the new acoustic FF5 song Superhero.  Great song, I highly encourage you to check it out!! (along with all the other videos I'm telling about, just for fun)
At some point I went back to shopping for computer parts.
But then I came back because I wanted to hear Cray Button again...
And then I started watching other videos that meekakitty had done. Enjoying her vlogs (video blogs), it somewhat reminded me that I miss blogging. What made me want to write this blog though, was really the fact that I wanted to tell my friend Jake about all of this, but it was too much to say in a text message.

I watched meekakitty's video Creativity Block (who hasn't been there before?), and then Mirror, Mirror, which I shared with my friend Amanda

because it made me think of her, and all her video production stuffs.

 And just now I watched Real life is hard.

which I also liked.

I told Jake that Tessa (aka meekakitty) is his wife and just doesn't know it yet.

Anyway, after effectively stalking meekakitty's YouTube videos, and regularly going back to FF5's Cray Button video, with no further delay... Here is Family Force 5, Cray Button (feat. Lecrae & meekakitty):

And may the Cray be with you

Expelled

Look at what I found :- ] (So awesome!!!)