"Stepping in and out" .... "I want Yours"

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: thoughtful
Category: Music

I would like to bring to the attention of every reader of my blog that As Cities Burn is an amazing band. Their CD, "Son, I Loved You At Your Darkest" is worth buying simply for the lyrics. Even if you don't like the music, the lyrics are that amazing.
I was listening to the first song on the CD today and realized that it perfectly explains my EXACT feelings at the present moment and for a good while in the past. I don't believe the lyrics need explaining, so I will just let you read on for yourselves. I will just put the lyrics up here the way they are in the CD insert. There isn't an exact chorus, but they do repeat several lines throughout the song, but I won't rewrite those lines. In the CD insert the lines are just written as a paragraph, but I think it is easier to read when they are broken apart, so I have done that as well, but I have left all original punctuation and capitalization.
~~As Cities Burn~~
Thus From My Lips, By Yours, My Sin Is Purged
Well, I've got a will, but I want Yours.
I've got a growing heap of crosses and burdens.
I've simply lost heart to shoulder,
simply no strength to lift.
I've always been a man in need
'cause I keep stepping in and out of the shadow,
caught by the drift and pitch of whatever it is that keeps me coming back.

I want out
'cause I'm getting sick,
sick from all this swerving, Driver,
sick from turning on You.

Someone show me a hole in this cycle.
Show me the way away and I'm coming back the way I came.
No!
I've seen this place before.
Surely this is no place
for the light of this world.

Oh how sweet the sound!
I know it saved, but is it changing a wretch like me?
Oh my God how sweet is the sound!
I once was blind
but now
I just look away!

My bride,
I don't want to know what I'd be without forgiveness
brushing these adulterous lips.

Well, I have nothing further to say.
"Your Face Here" upon my still and silent heart with love
Matthew (Mahi) "Shane" Eskuchen

Currently listening : Regeneration By Superchick Release date: By 21 October, 2003

1 Comments - 2 Kudos

Josh Grace

Would you know that I just e-mailed those lyrics to the BCM director just last night. It really personifies the experience of being in a rut! The coolest thing is that I've been there before (which is not so cool within itself) and can identify with what the guy is talking about. Every layer of temptation and deciet is right there in front of you in that one song. He talks about being stuck in sin with heavy burdens. Next he moves to the failure of realizing he is stuck in this cycle of sin. He identifies that he needs help, but doubt sinks in. After this thought, he finds himself not doubting God's power, but the effect of God's power in his life (a big lie that the devil has been using for years). When the enemy can get you to doubt God's saving grace in your life, he has won. Finally, the last two lines are honest, sincere forgiveness. A beautiful look into the heart of one stuggling with cycles of sin. Really neat song. I don't think I've heard it yet, but I probably should (although I won't understand the words the guy is screaming, but maybe I will now). Thanks man, that was awesome! Josh Posted by Josh Grace on Wednesday, March 01, 2006 at 7:33 AM

Banning the Ban on MySpace

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: apathetic
Category: Blogging

Well, since school is done for the week (my class tomorrow was cancelled) I've decided to unban myself from this stupid social disaster.

Well, you know those times when you feel so stupid. And you're just like "Gosh.... I'm so dumb... How could I do this...."
Well I've been thinking that lately. The only funny thing about it is that I haven't done anything. I just feel like a moron...
A really selfish moron.
I feel like a 5 year-old trapped in an almost 20 year-old body.
You know what makes it worse, is that as much as I want to explain what's going on in my head... I can't. I feel like it's so stupid and pointless. I'm stupid and pointless.....
Well, please pray that I'm not getting sick, cause I feel like it, and I've been completely exhausted all week.
Also, please pray that I get a job within the next couple days (because I'm pretty sure I'll get it, but it doesn't hurt to pray).
Please pray for Reset as well. We'll be recording a two song demo tomorrow morning, and that'll be exciting. Isn't it great that three of the members work at a music/instument store with a recording studio?

Well, here's what's been going down.

"Through This Life"
Take the pills
Greet the morning
Nothing's quite the same
Raise your gun
To the sky
There's no one left to blame
Yourself and I
Should've mentioned
I once had a reason
But as of recent times
I've just been looking through this life
02-21-06 (02:43)

02-23-06 (00:15)
It's her smile
Her eyes
Then silence

(still playing with the idea of "Reset")
Reset then fire
Start a blaze within our hearts
02-23-06 (14:03)

02/23/06 (15:43)
I've become so tired
Of only ever saying one word to you
It's about as good as silence
And I've become so tired
With You it's all or nothing
And I'm going "all in" on You
(Neither of those last three were finished, they were merely ideas)
(Tiger Lily just curled up in my lap... wish us goodnight)
"Your Face Here" upon my distant heart with love
Matthew (Mahi) "Shane" Eskuchen

Currently listening : Hey, I'm a Ghost By Sullivan Release date: By 24 January, 2006

0 Comments - 0 Kudos

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, SORRY!!!!!! (I'm done this time)

Blog from MySpace.

OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, SORRY!!!!!! (I'm done this time)
Current mood: geeky
Category: Blogging

Okay, No more blogs for me

I just wanted to let you guys know that if you want to get a hold of me sometime in the next few days, call me or email me.
I am banning myself from MySpace for the rest of the week.
I have to do this every couple weeks... just to make sure I get my homework done and everything.
Email = GuardedLegacy@gmail.com
Be sure to leave me plenty of comments so I have stuff to check when I get back.

"Your Face Here" upon my gleaming heart with love
Matthew (Mahi) "Shane" Eskuchen
(and Princess Tiger Lily)

Currently listening:The Weak's End By Emery Release date: By 27 January, 2004

1 Comments - 0 Kudos

Lo-Mac

SERIOUSLY if you post any more i'm unsubscribing... halfway serious matt lol Posted by Lo-Mac on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 at 12:34 AM

Cornerstone Update

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: excited
Category: Goals, Plans, Hopes

Okay, so far, this is the information I have on who's going and whatnot.
Definitely Going (no doubts) (We need more people in this list)
Lauren Matt

Interested in Going (I'm not sure who's definite yet)

Austin Adam Josh Caleb "Quig"
Invited
EVERYONE!!!!!!! (okay, so I'm sure I've forgotten someone...)
Well, that's why I need you to get back to me.
Let me know clearly if "you can go," if "you want to go and aren't sure yet," or even let me know if "you can't go"... and then I can organize this thing so we can get the group tix by the end of March before prices go up. Let me know!!!!!
Group Tix

PURCHASE BY MARCH 31
Group - $36.95 (10 or more persons)
PURCHASE BY MAY 10
Group - $41.95 (10 or more persons)

PLEASE GET BACK TO ME SO WE CAN PULL THIS TOGETHER ON TIME!!!!

Here's the BAND LIST as of 02-20-06

Relient K Underoath David Crowder Band Kutless

Copeland Hawk Nelson Falling Up Pigeon John
LA Symphony Cool Hand Luke Lovedrug Brandtson
Forever Changed Fireflight House of Heroes
Seventh Star The Chariot Denison Witmer The Myriad
The Showdown As Cities Burn Man Alive John Davis
Maylene and the Sons of Disaster

AND MANY MORE!!!

SHOWCASE STAGES

A Denver Mile Adison Amplify Armistice
as though they were Betweew The Trees Burning Regret
Cana Carry Your Ghost Change 58 Crimson Vera
Definite Zero Delpaxton Eileen Eversfield
Five Minute Plan Glendale In Chaos Kennebec
Last Year Portrait One Last Rose Our Finest Hour
OZELL Prying Eyes Rino Riverdale
Send Out Scuds Seneca Shawn Starbuck Band
Skycraft Sonset Down Sporadic Stereochild
Stronghold 18:2 Table 13 The Angry Canadiens
The Anomoly The Awkward Romance The Incoming Tide
The miller scot band The Promise Drive The Tide
The Ups This Solemn Vow To Save A Stranger
Tonight We Bleed Un4sakn

Currently listening : Son, I Loved You at Your Darkest By As Cities Burn Release date: By 21 June, 2005

2 Comments - 0 Kudos

Nikki

Ohhh.....pick me pick me!!!!! I'm not sure if I can go....but put me on the maybe list! ~NIK~ Posted by Nikki on Tuesday, February 21, 2006 at 7:41 PM

Job Interviews

Blog from MySpace.
Current mood: flirty
Category: Jobs, Work, Careers

So, I have an interview tomorrow at the Movie Gallery.
I thought it was pretty exciting when I scored this interview the other day, but today, another company called me inviting me in for an interview.
I think this other company may have better hours and pay and such... maybe not... I don't really know much about it.
Anyway, I have an interview tomorrow with Movie Gallery, and an interview Wednesday with Sodexho which is the food service company for Jackson county schools (or something like that.....).
Wish me luck (with the number 13) and keep me it in your prayers that I'll get the right job.... (or that I'll just get a job.....).
Thanks

"Your Face Here" upon my heart with love
Matthew (Mahi) "Shane" Eskuchen

PS.
Check out the fun I was having last night... (see them all here)

(Sorry they're so dark, I'll see what I can do about that later)

Currently listening : They're Only Chasing Safety By UnderOath Release date: By 15 June, 2004

0 Comments - 0 Kudos

Okay, Sorry... Once I start I just can't stop...

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: bouncy
Category: Romance and Relationships

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to good manners and elegance. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Your Inner Blood Type is Type A

You seem cool and collected, though a bit shy. You are highly driven and a perfectionist, but that's a side you keep to yourself. Creative and artistic, you are a very unique person who doesn't quite fit in. People accept you more than you realize, seeing you as trustworthy and loyal. You are most compatible with: A and AB Famous Type A's: (I'll just forget those names )

What's Your Inner Blood Type?

Currently listening : Prepare to Be Wrong By Straylight Run Release date: By 04 October, 2005

0 Comments - 0 Kudos

It's been a strange week I suppose...

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: Utterly Useless
Category: Utterly Useless Writing and Poetry

I spent half the night
Excitedly pacing
I don't know how to act
I haven't felt this in so very long
Hope
All that I have left
Is to calm down and sleep
Knowing that all I live for
Is all of You
And all I live for...
Faith, Love, Hope...
Jesus Christ
02/15/2006 (05:22)

Jesus Christ
Light of the world
You are my Hope
My Faith, my Love
02/15/2006 (11:16)

So many people for bassing by
The sun setting, painting the sky
These overcrowded streets stealing anything I have in me
And as the ticking slows I find myself devoid of hope
This Friday night brings a time for celebration
But there's nothing worth celebrating in this state of being heartless
Evil reigns after this day of hopeless contemplation
Life is hardly living, lost in such a vague loneliness
02/17/2006 (18:26)

There is no table...
I was invited for dinner
I was all hyped up
And then...
There was no table...
So what's God gonna do with this now?
02/17/2006

I'd like to see the wake this disease has created
As it tears its way into my heart
'Cause I can feel the pain and almost hear the breaking
But I'm having trouble finding the source
And all I really want to know
Is that I'm not alone
And all I really fear right now
Is knowing that you're not around to hold...
2/18/2006 (23:32) - 02/19/2006 (02:05)

Currently listening : So Impossible By Dashboard Confessional Release date: By 18 December, 2001

2 Comments - 2 Kudos

Austin AKA Crazy Rifle Monkey

kinda random don't you think. It has been to long since we talked. one other thing if you could make it in to town this saturday jon is having his b-day party and we would love to see you if you can. I know you are very busy with school and your church but it would be great to see you. Posted by Austin AKA Crazy Rifle Monkey on Sunday, February 19, 2006 at 6:08 PM

My Life According to a Survey or Two.... or Seven...

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: bored Category: Quiz/Survey

Your Heart Is Pink

In relationships, you like to play innocent - even though you aren't. Each time you fall in love, it's like falling for the first time. Your flirting style: Coy Your lucky first date: Picnic in the park Your dream lover: Is both caring and dominant What you bring to relationships: Romance

What Color Heart Do You Have?

Your Ideal Relationship is Serious Dating

You're not ready to go walking down the aisle. But you may be ready in a couple of years. You prefer to date one on one, with a commitment. And while chemistry is important, so is compatibility.

What's Your Ideal Relationship?

Your Power Color Is Teal

At Your Highest: You feel accomplished and optimistic about the future. At Your Lowest: You feel in a slump and lack creativity. In Love: You tend to be many people's ideal partner. How You're Attractive: You make people feel confident and accepted. Your Eternal Question: "What Impression Am I Giving?"

What's Your Power Color?

Your Eyes Should Be Violet

Your eyes reflect: Mystery and allure What's hidden behind your eyes: A quiet passion

What Color Should Your Eyes Be?

Your Five Variable Love Profile

Propensity for Monogamy: Your propensity for monogamy is medium. In general, you prefer to have only one love interest. But it's hard for you to stay devoted for too long! There's too much eye candy to keep you from wandering. Experience Level: Your experience level is low. You've probably either had only one relationship.. Or all of your relationships have been very similar. You still have a lot to learn... and a lot to try! Dominance: Your dominance is low. This doesn't mean you're a doormat, just balanced. You know a relationship is not about getting your way. And you love to give your sweetie a lot of freedom. Cynicism: Your cynicism is low. You are an eternal optimist when it comes to love and romance. No matter how many times you've been hurt - you're never bitter. You believe in one true love, your perfect soulmate. And if you haven't found true love yet, you know you will soon. Independence: Your independence is low. This doesn't mean you're dependent in relationships.. It does mean that you don't have any problem sharing your life. In your opinion, the best part of being in love is being together.

The Five Variable Love Test

Your Dating Purity Score: 93% Pure

You are an innocent dater. You're either lacking in dating experience or have had a long serious relationship. Either way, there's still plenty of fish in the sea out there for you to sample!

Dating Purity Test

Your Kissing Purity Score: 100% Pure

You've hardly ever been kissed But the kisses you've given are very missed

Kissing Purity Test

How 'bout NEVER.... Eh??? ("instead of what or duh, that's the might power of"...)

Currently listening : Prepare to Be Wrong By Straylight Run Release date: By 04 October, 2005

0 Comments - 0 Kudos

Pink is so Awesome.... I think I'll declare it the new Black and write a poem about it!!!!

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: bouncy
Category: Friends

Happy Valentines Day!!!.... (I suppose... I wouldn't really know)

Well, the day's not over yet...
Let's count how many Valentines I don't get.


I'm up to -1 already (not a bad start considering I thought I'd stay at 0) You know what... I'll actually say that I'm at -2 because I found a miniature playing card in the Wal-Mart parking lot, and just for fun I picked it up and it was a little King of Hearts.

"Your Face Here" upon my (nearly) Valentineless heart with love
Matthew (Mahi) Shane

Happy Valentines Day

P.S. I'm counting backward because I'm counting how many I didn't get. So if I got none, I'd stay at 0. If someone uhh... said "no valentine for you" I would get 1, and if people do wish me a Happy V-Day, I get -1 (because it's one that I got not one that I didn't get...) ... does that make sense?

Anyway, Thanks Jennifer Valentining me!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, and about that poem.... Oddly enough it was partially inspired by something I did with Jennifer...
Pink Is My New Black (Hold Me Close And I'll Dance)
There was a time when we were all wearing black
Because our mood was set to that
But now that we've all joined the fad
We're wearing pink beside the fact
Like the plants outside the furniture store
We've all been dead since long before
Withered flowers were we all
But our pictures (framed as beauty) hung on the wall
And I'll lower my eyes
Just to avoid that glare before you walk away
And I'll turn around and around
While I avert my eyes…
(I love you)
We're staring at the ground
The meaning to that
Is hidden in the past
Where we wrote our letters back and back
There was a time when we were all wearing black
Because our mood was set to that
But now that we've all joined the fad
We're wearing pink beside the fact
(I love you)
It's cold out here tonight
Bathing in the moonlight
A Cheshire Cat smiling upon me
And the loneliness (I feel every night) you wouldn't believe
Hug me on your doorstep
Invite me in
So I can feel the pain of leaving
Hold me close and I'll dance with you till morning
Hold me close and I'll dance with you till morning
Hold me close and I'll dance
Because a smile's my new frown
A teardrop makes a sound
Like laughter on the playground
Pink is my new black
I'm glad my mood isn't set to that
12/13/2004 - 12/16/2004

Currently listening : How the Lonely Keep By Terminal Release date: By 28 June, 2005

1 Comments - 0 Kudos

Let my love be a reflection of TRUE Love

Okay, Brianna's comment and Pastor David (and that tasty chocolate) make it -4 Posted by Let my love be a reflection of TRUE Love on Wednesday, February 15, 2006 at 12:15 AM

I think maybe I'm onto.... uhh... some Fashionable new form of failure...

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: excited
Category: Writing and Poetry

Drowning Out the Silent Tongue (Fashionable Failure)
"If body sweat were gasoline"
I heard toes whisper hopefully
Padding the soil deep within me
Before they stole away their carried voice
Then convinced that less was greater than
I did choose to wear so childish a boot
As to appear to myself innocent
Of a crime I couldn't commit
Oh, God, go thou away from me
I am the sinfulest of men

Blood stained petals and black silk thorns
I don't know where you've come from
But please come from there no more
I'm lost inside this desert
Where I've long been starved of tears
Clean my cheek and I'll drink nothing
Sometimes I just feel like crying
And if the silence is to come
Guide it to me by invitation
I remember the language well
And I've spoke too little as of late

Digging trenches, raising walls
"The readiness is all"
Contemplation:
No one gets out of here alive
This is our autumn
It's all! It's all!
This is our fall
When winter does come upon us
Our hearts will beat no more
(Nay! We're just not out of it yet)

(We might as well...)
Let the wolves catch our scent
As our wayward hearts lust
So desperate for a balance
For to cure our senseless tongues
Because where I come from
This is clear intent to murder

My heart looks whole with spidery legs
But with every breath I take
It breaks
And every breath becomes more shallow
As a liquid climbs to seal my lungs
I beg you look close at this decay you've caused
Innocently guilting me to bite my tongue
Here from the stage
Before the spotlights of a silent gasp
I can clearly see we've all a lack of time for sharing
And of all the crimes
Committed by your heart at its coldest
Stealing my breath has always been the kindest
02-10-2006 (11:56)
Well, I suppose if this goes back to "Victoria Rose" (which some of it does), then this poem's starting date is back in February of last year (2005). That seems so recent. But this poem is a creation all its own, and just steals ideas from Victoria Rose.
01-27-2006 (15:34)
This poem started forming.
1-28 to 29-2006 (22:40-05:51)
On Saturday (night) / Sunday (morning) of I wrote the first two complete drafts.
01-30-2006 (10:20-10:56) was the writing of an incomplete third draft.
02-08-2006 (03:14-04:18) was the writing of the forth and nearly complete draft.
02-10-2006 (11:56) Final version is decided on and posted on MySpace.

Tonight (Friday, January 10, 2006) Reset will be playing at Trinity Baptist Church here in Marianna. We'll also be playing there Saturday and Sunday night too.
I'm playing the keyboard, yippee!!!!
Wish us good jobs...

"Your Face Here" upon my silent heart with love
Matthew Shane...

Currently listening : New Medicines By Dead Poetic Release date: By 06 April, 2004

1 Comments - 1 Kudos