Behind the Times. Catching up on November of 2023.

At the end of November, the kids were in school, Hui was resting from the chemo, Mom had just returned home, and I was rearranging the my desk in the home office. I took the time to try and catch up on the never-ending podcast backlog (it'll disappear soon, when Google discontinues their podcast app). Anyway, the point is, I (or the Lord) had some amazing episodes queued up.

I meant to document and share this then, but I didn't (go figure). All my followers are missing out.

 

The only record I have of the day are some text messages, in which I was sharing the podcasts with a friend. First up was The Wellness Mama Podcast:

679: Repairing Attachment Wounds, Fixing Relationship Insecurity, and Finding Your Voice With Adam Lane Smith

And to document my excitement, here are the text messages to my friend:

There are SOOOOOO many helpful parenting and relationship tips in this one conversation.

And if you want to follow it up with some lighthearted financial advice. Here's the Bee trying to get Dave Ramsey to use a credit card.

Ooh! They have it on YouTube and they're in Dave's studio (I think)! Really good points around 24-25 minutes about Proverbs "hope deferred makes the heart sick" 

While the early bit was a lot of goofing, this turned into a legitimately meaningful and productive conversation. 

More texts leading to the final podcasts:

Dude! Not trying to bog you down with podcasts, but I listened to this one last night and then again after Dave and the Bee. Man! Another good discussion on suffering, God, redemption, and hope.

That was it for the day.

I'm not sure if I should end this blog here, or keep filling in the gaps. I'm sure none of you mind either way.

A few days later I was reading (listening to) Team of Rivals: The Political Genius of Abraham Lincoln. Well, I guess I technically started the book on Nov 27 and didn't finish until Dec 6. My thoughts on this book (shared with my zero followers at work) were simply:

This feels like a book I should have on a shelf full of sticky notes and highlights. I love studying Abraham Lincoln!

I am currently listening to another book that I feel should be on my desk full of sticky notes and highlights. I discovered this book through The Habit Podcast and it only took me 6 months or so to rediscover it on my GoodReads. The Medieval Mind of C.S. Lewis: How Great Books Shaped a Great Mind.

And with that terrible summary of non-holiday events around the holidays, I'm going to bed.

Cancer (A Poem) (from 2022-08-26)

  2022-08-26 (21:23)

While this can be read without context, I find the context very interesting. I will include some footnotes explaining quotes and the events surrounding the writing of this poem.
As I often do, I've blacked out the formatting on some words to show that I wrote them and then crossed them out on paper. The thought was important, even though I ultimately decided to remove the words.

Cancer (A Poem)

I am the cancer    (0)
Unwelcome in this world
Where you advertise your life    (1)
But run in fear when I say "Hi"
As we pass by on the streets
So dark and dangerous
"We can't help you"    (2)
"I don't know you"    (3)
Well, I can't argue that

What a Love we show
In this world devoured by fear
What a Light we shine
Welcome smiles on Sunday morning
But can't say "Hi" as we we can't pass as neighbors
"What a cunning foe we've met"    (4)
Where I am the cancer
Unwelcome
Eating away at the world outside your halls
Build your walls
    Cower within
Oh, the Light we shine
Safe in our seaside tower

Explain this dis-ease in my chest
Where Love is the Cancer
Consuming all the darkness
... But unless we die to love    (5)

I am the Cancer
I am the Cancer

And for me there is no cure
"Become like us"    (6)
As they cower in fear
I am not welcome
"Become like us"
I'm not welcome here

I am dis-ease
    I am the rot
Devouring flesh and bone
I am disease
    I am the cancer

Rush along home...



Setting the scene, the references:
(0)    First off, my wife has cancer. What do you think it says of me that I'd write a poem referencing myself as a cancer, when cancer is literally threatening my wife's life? Just a thought.

(1)    "you advertise your life" is used here in reference to someone who has a podcast or YouTube channel, which the father in the second reference does.

(2)    We were driving home from the elementary school in our neighborhood and the windows were down as it was nice out, but it was dusk and beginning to get dark. My wife was driving and I was in the passenger seat. We saw a family from church out walking their dog (mom and dad with their son and daughter, both under 10yo). I didn't recognize who they were until we were passing them and I began to say "hey! it's... [name]" My wife, not realizing what I was saying, stopped the van as the family was about even with our rear bumper. I popped my head out of the window and looked back to say "Hi" but the father had hurriedly gathered the kids and his wife and turned to rush back the other direction as he called out to us "We can't help you."
They laughed about it when my wife messaged them later, but I didn't find it very funny. I wrote this poem to express the unwelcome feeling I get in this life, as though I am a threat, or perhaps, perceived as a fan/paparazzi who recognized them from their online presence (as indicated at reference 1).

(3)    The pastor at church had recently shared a message titled Praying for Wisdom at All Cost. The key points of the message were 2 kinds of Wisdom, 2 kinds of Fear, and 2 kinds of Trembling. At the end of the message he used Matthew 7:21 to demonstrate how we may claim to know God, but God may not know us. He used a story to demonstrate this point of a man who had read about their orphanage and seen him (the pastor) on TV. This man wanted to visit the orphanage and claimed to "know him" (the pastor). The pastor had to turn the man away saying "You may know me, but I don't know you."

Here's the message:

(4)    "What a cunning foe we've met" is a quote from the song We are the Archers by the band Oh, Sleeper. In the song, it is used in the context of betraying oneself to temptations (I think). I'm using it to express how the world has made us fearful by tricking us into believing we are gods. When we have faith, and reverent fear placed in God, we shouldn't fear anything worldly, even for the safety of our family (as was also mentioned in the sermon above).

(5)    Although not explicitly stated or referenced above, there is also a hidden nod to the title of the Oh, Sleeper album "When I Am God". The title comes from a line in the song Vices Like Vipers that says "When I am God this church is unsound." I nod at this concept in the usage of dying to Love (God) as a Cancer vs the more prominent expression that "I am the cancer."

(6)    "Become like us" is a quote from the band Project 86. The song Salem's Suburbs explores the idea of group identity and the consequences that result: "As they pounded in the stake, I thought I heard them say 'Become like us or you will be slain'"

Perhaps I should note that both the album "When I Am God" by Oh, Sleeper, as well as the "Truthless Heroes" album by Project 86 are concept albums that tell the journey of a character across the tracks of the album. So, reading only one song is like reading a chapter in the middle of a book without the context of the rest of the story.

Truthless Heroes (a random thought on fandom and heaven)

I recently posted two comments on a Patreon post. It made me think that I've been sharing my thoughts in comments on other people's posts, but sometimes I'd like to remember my own thoughts, and keep them here for me--and anyone who might care to read them.

In this Patreon post--a podcast--Andrew Schwab of Project 86 was talking with a long-time supporter. They briefly touched on how famous people have to learn how to interact with strangers who know them (i.e. fans).

my comments:

Describing the "meeting a fan" experience is so interesting. I've been trying to wrap my brain around it for years... If I were to meet so-and-so... what would I say? They don't know me. I don't know them. I'm emotionally invested in their music, their words, their voice, the characters they play on the screen, the characters they wrote into a book, etc.--in love with who I imagine them to be.
How would I connect with them and express how their influence has affected my life? Because they don't know me... and I don't know them... I've just made up a narrative, creating heroes in my head.
I want to get to know them for real... but there's no time for that. We can't be friends and go hang out.

This thought keeps coming to mind, so I'm back to add on to my previous comment. After reading C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce, I began to re-imagine heaven as a neighborhood where my neighbors are all my best friends and family. Likewise, all of their neighbors are their best friends, and somehow, we are just eternally surround by all our best friends, family, and favorite people, etc...
I know that's silly. What does it say about me that my idea of heaven is being surround by people that I love?