Real Life in Draft: September 2006

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood:

anxious
Category: Writing and Poetry

I'm sorry
She makes you laugh
And we're all so fake
I'm sorry
I wish I could make this world more real
If I had a way
I'd paint you a portrait of life the way I see it
Nothing's perfect
But at least nothing's totally useless
If you could see me singing along
You'd laugh your heart to its core
I'm always precisely ashamed
Of my perfect performance
I've got my act down to the 't' for the shadows
They're applauding me in silence
If only you could see who I was
If you could see the cogs spinning round in my brain
Prince Charming is sweet
And ever so tame
But you haven't found him
If you're looking at me
Oh I wish
How I wish
I could make this world more real
But I'm merely a figment of the dream we'll wake up from
Don't stay
Don't leave
Do you know what to do with my precious gift?
Please take my kiss and hold me close
But please remember I'm still a ghost
Vacant and void
Starved for a form
Crying out for a catastrophe
Haunting your tears
Don't remember my voice
I'm afraid I'm not here for your cavity
I remember so well
How they file things down
To the point the walls start to break
Like curing a broken heart
First we must tear it apart
Before we can dam it
And fill it
And float it on ice
It's a trap!
Don't follow me
I'll break you down
And I'll tear out your heart
It's a lie!
Don't listen to me
You'll be falsely perfect for me
If I'm perfect for you
I'll make you what I need
What I want are dreams
Turn to reality
But while I wait you're here for me
I can only pray
You'll run away
Don't let me swallow you
Look at my teeth
They're not as bright as they seem
I'm here to devour you
I haven't got the heart to harm you
But I haven't found the will to warn you
I fear it's already too late
Ev'rything! Ev'rything!
Don't love me
I'm lost in you

Currently listening :
Brother, Sister
By mewithoutYou
Release date: By 26 September, 2006

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Blog from MySpace.

Current mood:

bouncy
Category: Writing and Poetry

Okay, so I wanted to post some poetry for you guys. Some of this is old, some is relatively new, but all of it appears in previous blogs, so nothing brand new yet. But I'm starting to get some ideas from looking through all this stuff.

Enjoy!!!
"Your Face Here"
Matthew Shane

Thunderstorm
On the light of hope
I leaped up from the ground
In so much less than an instant
I found myself bursting among the clouds
And almost as quickly
As I found that I was up
I found myself back down
Alone
And sobbing in the dark
Dancing around the shadows of broken sound
07/19/06 (03:43)

Slept So Long (The Days are Really Near the End)

I used to be able to see them clearly

And write them down so loudly

But now the words on my heart have begun to fade

Like a whisper in a distant field

Yours might be a voice I think I recognize

But I've lost the sight that opened my eyes

I've lost the pain that made the words shine bright

Like the words on the ring in the fairytale

Revealed by flame but they've begun to fade

And the time I've taken to rest

Has raised to life my discomfort in death

Slept so long, so long

So long, farewell

Burn into the heart the pain, the pain

I'm ready to bleed again

I'm ready to paint again

In the beat of the drums

The speed of the strums

They're coming to fast

The warrior's heart in the hunt

The time has passed

Marching to old battle tunes

Melodies made for memories

Where all that's left is found in ruins

Thus I near the ending pages

Stories of my life scribbled down and dated

Ending with addresses, times, and directions for payment

Where will you carry me now?

A layman

You will take me to where blind men hear and deaf men see

I've slept so long

It was almost a dream

And your words, like a whisper in a distant field

The comforting hope of a voice I know I recognize

10/25/2004

Pink Is My New Black (Hold Me Close And I'll Dance)

There was a time when we were all wearing black

Because our mood was set to that

But now that we've all joined the fad

We're wearing pink beside the fact

Like the plants outside the furniture store

We've all been dead since long before

Withered flowers were we all

But our pictures (framed as beauty) hung on the wall

And I'll lower my eyes

Just to avoid that glare before you walk away

And I'll turn around and around

While I avert my eyes…

(I love you)

We're staring at the ground

The meaning to that

Is hidden in the past

Where we wrote our letters back and back

There was a time when we were all wearing black

Because our mood was set to that

But now that we've all joined the fad

We're wearing pink beside the fact

(I love you)

It's cold out here tonight

Bathing in the moonlight

A Cheshire Cat smiling upon me

And the loneliness (I feel every night) you wouldn't believe

Hug me on your doorstep

Invite me in

So I can feel the pain of leaving

Hold me close and I'll dance with you till morning

Hold me close and I'll dance

Because a smile's my new frown

A teardrop makes a sound

Like laughter on the playground

Pink is my new black

I'm glad my mood isn't set to that

12/13/2004 - 12/16/2004

The Sound Support of a Fragmented Structure
Every thought has a thought
A thought to fall back on
Every word has a form
A structured support
All the awkward romance
That we counter with balance
Please check up on me here
And tell me I want this
But when all the ink has been spilled
I can tell you I don't
It's not the structure I love
But the fragment of poem
And with a rhyme in my hand
And a love in my heart
I'll check the balance we have
And we'll break it apart
We'll let the space fill with time
Let it fester disease
Then we can be angry with God
Like the spit of the seas
But our words
Will miss their marks
Like shooting stars
And broken hearts
And we'll eventually hear
Faint at first
The sound of a voice
Calling us out
I just realized
Who turned out the lights
It's dark in here
Like a hole in the ground
We left our hearts
And they grew cold at the sound
Let's dig them out
Give them some life
And when all else is dead
Perhaps we'll still be alive
To believe
Will we have enough hope?
Will we have enough sight?
Will we have enough faith
To believe?
That dreams aren't reality
But they become anything
And when you have faith
And believe in your dreams
You can find yourself
Surrounded by flowers
And butterflies
Living beneath the great blue sky...
... Believe.
07/11/06 (16:33)

Midnight Pajama Parade (I Thought Well of Farewell)

I'll be ...Left behind without a smile

To greet me with 'goodbye'

I'll write ...Farewell to all the sleepless

...Nights you leave behind

Fare-(not-so)-well to all the bad dreams

But who was that beautiful girl in mine?

I'll never know

Even though I tried

But to continue

The other dreams I recognized

All failed to remember to

Remember her name ...For me

Dream well!!! ...For me

Dream well!!! ...For your memories

Sleep now and dream

Rest well for the morning comes

Don't leave without "please"

"Please think of me"

Sleep well and fantasize

Now wake well with no sleepy eyes

Don't blink on your trip

Savor every moment

But know I'll be there if you fall

You know God'll catch you if you fall

Take voyage

And safe return to me

But not to me only

For now this is my prayer

This is ...My best wishes of love ...to you

Sleep well and dream

Remember for me

I will see you on your return ...Don't forget

I will hug you on your return ...Don't forget

Don't forget your duty to return

We still love you so please return

I will follow when you fail to

We still love you so please return

You leave to fetch your medicines

I pray they keep you well

Windows Sun Beauty and Breeze

I pray that they keep you well

I pray in time

For this world will pass away

And it will leave you smiling...

You know that you will be smiling

Keep well...

If just for the effort of this parade

Keep well...

Poorly thought out to simply say

(...) Farewell

01/15/2005

09/15/05 (11:45-13:00)
Stop sign strolls on by with a wave
And a nod of his hat
Street-light calls my name with a flare
And says "just wait right there
I'll have to hold you back to let this traffic pass."
"But I'm late! Oh please!" I plead
But she just smiled at me
Her lips outlined in black
But shone bright red
As the sunlight reflected off a cab
Of a yellow cat
And she reached down her paw and clawed at the earth
The orange dirt that I slid in
As I rounded the curve
And rushed off to do my chores

The Painting of a Broken Heart
Joyous and colorful - hippie fashion - was the statement long ago
Torn and broken, I now lay, in the center of this tattered home
Bathe the cracks in black tears, of my heart's own birth
The call the let the children come, evermore will go unheard
Mourning dawn below a sky of faded gray
Blackness reigns over all the colors
Dead was all the artist could say

In a colorless, black and faded room
Was the painting of a broken heart
Four walls reflecting the artist's sorrow
Corners jaded with the pain
Nothing but an endless sorrow
Hope taken by the shame

Set fire to your heart where the truth is pounding deep inside
Burn its so-called blasphemy and from the ashes mother your pride
The blaze was set to ease your pain, but I'm the one who's hurting
I see joy reflecting in your eyes, as I'm left slowly burning
Wounds, in time, will heal and scar, and bonds of sympathy will fade
But you won't acknowledge how I am saved, your eyes blinded by hate
You ignore the one, walking beside me through these flames
The artist cries a mournful tear
View of death, it seems, has hardly changed

In a colorless, black, and faded room
Was the painting of a broken heart
A naked boy appeared so real... A lie
Guilt would not set him free
Salvation left no time to hide
A dying friend was all the boy could see

You now live in your own painting, of a portrait I'll never see
But I know that I shall ne'er forget, the loneliness of a blackened sea
Haunted in my memories, I can still hear the screams
Of a colorless, black, and faded room, painted with shattered dreams
And so you're left alone there, crying silently in vain
Perhaps you aren't yet lost forever
But only faded with the pain

In a colorless, black, and faded room
Burned the painting of a broken heart
Four walls of sad, black sorrow
That once reflected the artist's pain
Burn away to reveal tomorrow
As colorful hope returns again
03/05/04

The Sinner's Lullaby
Now I lay me down to sleep
And I pray for peace this eve
For in the morning when I wake
I'll be deceived by yet another pretty face
And there they are haunting me
For they know I'll always be
A simple sinner saved by grace
Deceived by yet another pretty face
But please God let there be one out there
That's waiting just for me
A brilliant angel that forever
A brilliant angel that forever
Forever there she'll be
Just loving only me
And when I fall before I wake
My brilliant angel there will shake
The demons from my eyes
And I'll return yes I'll return
To this world of truth and lies
And I know she'll always be
Waiting at the door eyes all full of sleep
She'll be waiting just for me
As I stumble home drunk in my defeat
A simple sinner saved by grace
I love you my Guardian
And my God give me the strength
To walk home and face my love
Tell her the truth of my disgrace
Hidden behind my innocent face
And those who knew and did yet nothing
Forever I will hate
Because they knew and yet they let me
Fall back on my face
When I hated what I did
I hated all the sin
But now my angel is here waiting
Waiting to share my embrace
And so I thank you Lord for faith
Signed the Sinner Saved by Grace
(not sure of the date for this one... pre-2002 though)