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Current mood: surrendered and powerless
Category: Writing and Poetry Hey, I haven't posted any poems in a while... so there's quite a bit to post... here goes...
Thanks for reading
12/29/06 (00:35)
My heart is broken
As much as I'd like to say it's not
My heart is wounded
As much as I'd like to say it's whole
My heart is beating
It's a crippled pace
And it's slowing down
My heart is broken
And I really do wish that I could say that nothing is wrong
12/29/06 (01:55)
It's such a big, big world
Am I taking it on alone?
Am I taking it on alone?
01/04/07 (18:07)
It gets so cold
When your heart beat slows
(You know now it's almost nothing at all)
Where is the "thump, thump" now?
And it's "Sold!"
To the lowest bid
Promise to the lonely kid
"One day your day will come"
One day we'll wish we hadn't turned you down
Not for fame
Not for profit
But then we'll know
You truly loved it
You didn't lie
You didn't fake it
It was love
How'd you break it?
How'd you break his heart?
He's everything you ever wanted
To him you were perfect
And he meant it
You were everything he wanted
(and so much more than could be imagined)
01/09/07 (14:39)
Falls Right Into Place
Calm, collected, medicated
(I think, perhaps I'll make it)
Heavily medicated
Cleaning, working, draining
(I'm running out of energy)
Not eating, Not sleeping
Trying to keep up
(I'm falling behind, and right in place)
No response
Panic
Chaos
("Stop scaring yourself!")
Nothing in focus
(I need to close my eyes)
Blind, ignorant, naive
(Just let me adjust to this)
Everything's so freaking fast
Everyone wants everything
All I have is what I jump on
Before it jumps on me
(I want this now)
(I won't fear losing what I have)
(I want you here)
The race isn't so bad
The hard part's waiting for the gun
01/09/07 (14:57)
We went so fast
My God! I can't slow down
I suppose this is the easy way out
01/09/07 (15:15)
What a nice little box
Why don't you lock yourself in
No one ever comes or goes here
What a neat little box
So far away
From everything and everyone you ever loved
And I'm starting to panic
The walls are closing in
I'm locked inside
And I cannot escape 'here'
All the "exit" signs are closed
The windows all have bars
And the open sky is painted on
Marked "Closed for Renovations"
And I'm just praying for patience
To catch your scent one more time
To touch your lips
And hold your hand in mine
Your voice on the phone
This is hard
It takes effort...
But I'm in it forever
What a nice little box
So well self-contained
I think I'll lock myself away
What a neat little box
Lonely and isolated
I think I'll lock myself away
So far away
From everything
It's not by choice
I'm trying to escape
I'll find my way to you.
01/11/07 (04:38)
What a nice little box
Why don't you lock yourself in
No one ever comes or goes here
What a neat little box
So far away
From everything
And everyone
You ever loved
So far away when it seemed so near
And now I'm starting to panic
I hope this silence means nothing
Nothing more than everything's gone quiet
Watching and waiting
Still I hear nothing
Time pauses as the world takes a breath
Hold it in, in awe of what will happen
And now I'm starting to panic
I hope this silence means everything
Everything but "it's over"
I've forgotten this foreign tongue
I once knew it all to well
Almost as well as I've come to know this graveyard
What a beautiful box
So well self-contained
I think I'll bury it beneath my stone carved name
What a full, regret-free box
Lonely and isolated
I think I'll crawl inside
And lock myself away
Even under ground the silence sounds the same
(Thump Thump . . . Thump Thump)
I think I heard my heart break
And now I'm starting to panic
The walls are closing in
I know I'm locked inside
And I cannot escape 'here'
Here where I'm trapped
Sinking under all alone
I wish I had the strength
Or a friend to help me out
The lights go out
There's a tapping on the wall
I think someone cares
They've finally come to get me
False alarm
I'll try to sleep
As you shovel dirt over my grave
Panic... what's the use?
I'll just pray for patience
I just want
To catch your scent
And one more chance
To touch your lips
And hold your hand in mine
All the lighted signs are posted
In the center where the exit signs are all dead
And all the shattered glass from windows
Proves the bars are too close
There's no escaping
Where not even the wind blows
And I thought it was so close
I could taste it in her kiss
She looked at me
I smiled because she's happy
But here the ground is red
There's been an accident
A page-and-a-half
Was all that he could pass
Before his eyes welled up
And he cried himself to death
The sky opened up its jaw
Swallowing him whole
I'll not forget this lesson offers hope
01/11/07 (04:38)
Where once they laid a box
They unearthed a broken heart
Packed it away
Shipped it off
("Home is where you need to go")
"You don't belong here"
They told the boy with gladness
"We only borrowed you to keep ourselves from sadness"
Used and thrown away
He turned to go home
When a young girl caught his eye
She had heart enough
To tell him not to apologize
"We really did love you,
But we've finally found each other
It's time for you to go now"
She told me it was real
That it would be forever
And until I wanted it
I never had a doubt
But once I found the gates to heaven
They were locking them down
"Closed for an Addition"
(05:37)
Ohio speaks
I'm drowning under empty sheets
Bathed in sunlight
Ohio speaks!
Ohio speaks!
(I wait silently for a quiet ring)
Silence Speak!
Don't lock me out
Don't forget me!
Don't block me out
Ohio! Ohio!
(speak)
1/19/07 (17:55)
It's not visible to the naked eye
So I'll bare my soul!
Get it out!
Get it out!
BLOOD FLOW
Clear this wound!
Pick up your head
You're too young to be holding your breath for so long
Pick up your head
Breathe Little One!
Breathe!
Don't break my heart again!
Breathe!
Clear air, Clear lungs
Breath!
Get the smoke out of there
Clean air, Clear lungs
(Don't die on me)
Get it out! Get it out!
Nature!
Clear this smoke from our lungs!
(we've seen days less cruel)
1/21/07 (02:00)
An effort proves your lies are true
Trying shows me you really care
All in favor of this love lasting
(I suppose the silence says it all)
Going once
Going twice
On to the next item of business
"This soldier needs a replacement heart"
"How was the current apparatus ruined?"
"Details are vague, but it seems the radio operator stopped transmitting"
01/22/07 (11:56)
Is it really this simple?
Don't just let me go!
I can't believe that this could be goodbye...
Take care.
Take good care of that precious little heart
It's more fragile than you know
Don't let it fall into the hands of the world.
Don't let it fall into the hands of death
Give it to Love
Surrender to Love.
1/22/07 (19:50)
When I'm low enough
To be the least of these
Open my eyes
We are all human!
We were all created with the same purpose
All created to love
When I am low enough
Teach me to be the least of these
All we are is human
All I am is dust
1/24/07 (15:10)
We all have broken hearts
Where metallic screams
Haunt our broken dreams
And we all need the missing parts
To piece together our broken hearts
But healing is a process it seems we can't afford
So we keep our wounded centers
Buried beneath the dark of winters
Never-ending pain we horde
Decorating hell as our hospital ward
02/05/07 (10:30)
Another sleepless night
Another lonely sunrise
Oh! What I wouldn't give
To find you in my arms
Or to find myself in yours.
02/06/07 (17:13)
No desire for a fire
Put the flame out
It's so cold here
My heart is never thawing out
And I'm giving up
No fight left in me
(You were never good for anything)
Stupid little boy
(You were a comforter in a lonely, distant land)
Foolish little child
(You were never good for anything)
Poor lonely child
(What do you have left when innocence is gone?)
NOTHING NOTHING
NOTHING NOTHING
Everything is gone
Stolen with a kiss
Everything is gone
Stolen by a single breath!
Don't tell me that I'm not alone!
Don' tell me that I'm not...
You've got it! You've got it!
You've got everything I've lost
You've got it! You've got it!
You've taken me
For everything I'm worth!
Drained Poor Empty
ALONE
Don't tell me that I'm not!
Don't tell me that I'm
NOTHING!
It's hard to find a way to not apologize for not writing anything happy. I've had happy days.... (half of these were written on happy days)... I just have sad moments on happy days... or I just think up sad things better than happy ones. (it would take me forever to fly if I were Peter Pan)
Matthew
(God is going to have to do this... I have no strength left to carry this cross)
 | Currently listening :
Oh! Gravity.
By Switchfoot
Release date: By 26 December, 2006 |
3 Comments - 4 Kudos
hungry 
sleepy 
tired 
