With Shivering Hearts We Wait (Blindside) - "Bring Out Your Dead"

Intro to Blindside

The past month I've been on a Blindside kick. Blindside is a rock band from Sweden that holds a special place in my heart. I'm sure everyone has a formative record from their youth; for me, that record is Silence by Blindside.

I don't remember exactly how or when I got into rock music, but I remember visiting my cousins in 2000 and rocking out to Linkin Park's album Hybrid Theory. Older guys in youth group shared the song "God of Elijah" from Disciple's album, By God. Christian metal? Guys yelling and screaming a story straight out of the Bible? I knew DC Talk's "Jesus Freak", but this was different somehow. I discovered East West's song "She Cries" from A Light in Guinevere's Garden through the late night rock segment that the Christian radio station hosted one Saturday a month. My youth pastor shared P.O.D.'s The Fundamental Elements of Southtown and Project 86's Drawing Black Lines with me. I remember anticipating the release of P.O.D.'s album Satellite, and asking my mom to take me out to buy it the week it released. Later, an email newsletter announced P.O.D.'s new 3 Points Records label and the first single "Pitiful" coming from the new album Silence by their friends in the Swedish band, Blindside.

The first concert I ever attended, I went to a festival in south Florida to see Blindside. Later, I met them at Cornerstone Orlando and asked them sign my album liner. Needless to say, Blindside was a very formative band in my teenage years. 

About a Burning Fire 20th Anniversary

So, Blindside was recently visiting the US to play at Furnace Fest 2024. As announcements were made about the festival and they began to reveal exclusive merch, I started taking breaks from my endless audiobook listening to dive into the hype and revisit the hardcore music of my youth. A few weekends ago, Victoria and I drove out to the farm to get eggs and visit friends. We listened through the full Silence album. When we returned home, she started listening to the song "Silence" on repeat while finishing her homework (proud dad moment). I listened through About a Burning Fire because this year marks the 20th anniversary of the album. I began listening to The Great Depression, but was distracted. The Great Depression released when I was in college and is probably my favorite Blindside album, but I was curious about their final album.

With Shivering Hearts We Wait

With Shivering Hearts We Wait was the last album Blindside released in 2011. It was never my favorite Blindside album and I found myself wanting to listen and figure out why. What did I like (or not like) about it? I wanted to find out why I never really got into it. It felt musically disjointed to me. Some songs were too formulaic and pop-radio-friendly. Other tracks didn't flow smoothly from one to the next, as though a song was missing between them. I wasn't really intending to do a deep-dive, I just wanted to listen through the album.

It still wasn't a big hit for me, but a couple songs really spoke to me. I was first captured by the track "Our Love Saves Us", which includes the album's title-drop. I kept returning to the album for this song and wanted to share it with the Music Director at church. It had such a powerful worship theme, in my opinion. It had a dual meaning: collectively as Christians, our love of Christ saves us, or holding onto love in hard times saves a relationship through Christ. I think of the imagery of a triangle with Christ, husband, and wife at each vertex. The husband and wife at the bottom, grow closer together as they move closer to Christ at the top vertex of the triangle. As I thought about rating the track, it made me wonder how I would have rated the song years ago. Whatever I might have rated it in the past, it gets 5 stars for me now. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 

While "Our Love Saves Us" is important in this story, it's not the main reason that I'm here today. As I kept returning to this album over a 2-week period, I kept finding different songs stuck in my head and drawing me back in. I began to pick up on a deep underlying story across the album. Some lines, like in "My Heart Escapes", seemed to reach out to me across time, such as "To meet you after this long time / Tells me I'm not that young".

Early tracks, like "Monster on the Radio" speak of sacrificing anything to be the monster on the radio. It feels like thoughts of a husband, perhaps cheating with work. Aspirations of an artist to be on the radio, thus becoming a monster because of what he put his family through for his own gain. Then "It's All I Have" speaks of time passing and love becoming routine as their family grows. Perhaps elements of post-partum depression as the chorus encourages his wife to wear a bracelet of joy and necklace of peace. Then, "Bloodstained Hollywood Ending" tells of a packed suitcase and an airport chase scene trying to keep a partner from leaving. The ice cold in their relationship and being tired of tiptoeing around the promises made as their romance becomes a "bloodstained Hollywood ending." That's followed by "Our Love Saves Us", which tells of the hardship of working through love, "With shivering hearts we wait / I'm still holding on." That's followed by "Bring Out Your Dead", which is almost a salvation story of exposing the skeletons in one's closet, letting them go, and asking for forgiveness and healing. The story continues through each track and it's been amazing to discover.

Oct 20th, 2024 - Bring Out Your Dead

I sat down to write this blog on Oct 20th because of the track "Bring Out Your Dead". (lyrics)

"Bring Out Your Dead" follows "Our Love Saves Us" and is another song with multiple possible interpretations. In ways, it's a come to Jesus moment of cleaning the skeletons out of your closet. I think it's also a heartfelt confession between a husband and wife. It's a catchy song and kept getting stuck in my head over the past week, as I'd sing along "bring out, bring out your dead." Friday (Oct 18), I pulled out the album booklet and was reading the lyrics. Today, it's the first verse that caught my attention. "Heavy like a thousand pounds / What if I told you now / To carry the smell of death is harder than it sounds"

This morning (Oct 20), while waiting during the kids' piano lessons, I was catching up on a sermon I missed a few weeks ago when we went to New York. Sep 18, Vision Wins (Pt3): Answer the Call. Pastor Ben defines and differentiates God's calling and God's will, and then quickly tells the story of Jonah who was called to be a prophet, but fought God's will for him to go to Ninevah. At the end, he commented on Jonah being swallowed by the fish and asked how we want to answer God's call. "Are you answering the call and showing up in God's grace smelling like grace? Or are you showing up smelling like wickedness and sin and death and darkness?"

God put this album in my heart over the past month. He put 'Bring Out Your Dead' in my head this week, preparing for me to catch up on this message from mid-September. I looked up the lyrics on Friday in preparation for relating it to this message. The difficulty of finding "Who am I without my skeleton friend?" The chorus reveals how confessing our dark secrets feels like suicide (dying to self). Near the end they identify the pain caused to others in the bridge, "When I let this corpse out / He will bite your soul / It will make you bleed" and asks for forgiveness, "When I let this corpse go / Will you do the same, will you let him go?"

The song reminds me of a moment in "The Great Divorce" by C. S. Lewis when a man is carrying a sort of lizard that is on fire and burning the man (if I remember correctly). An 'angel' offers to kill the lizard, promising that the man will be happier if it's gone, but it will only act if that's what the man truly wants. Then man says he could get rid of the lizard at any time, but he's had him around for so long that it's not worth the bother of killing it. It is an allegory for the harms caused by lust.

In the liner notes, lead singer Christian thanks "Jesus Christ for choosing to have your healing heart beat so close to my bruised one. Thank you my wonderful wife Elina for holding my hand through sunshine and rain." Guitarist, Simon, ends his thanks with "Lord, keep my heart shivering of anticipation for the holy spirit. I'm a better man when I'm close to You. Amen"

Another funny thing about listening to this album. When it finishes, my music player automatically automatically loops back to Blindside's first album and the track "Invert" which has a line that screams "Glad you came to my senses, 'cause I didn't."

When you can't escape and you're not sure you'd want to if you could...

As I drift in and out of Blindside albums, I find so many meaningful lines. There are so many lyrics that catch my attention and as I dig deeper, I find only Christ. It's been inspirational in so many ways that I can't explain.

"Eye of the Storm" (lyrics) from About a Burning Fire feels like it describes my life.

Please come closer
Cause my heart doesn't touch Yours anymore
Please see I'm walking into the eye of the storm
And I'll still come out loving You even more

"Ask Me Now" (lyrics) from The Great Depression describes Christ bringing us our lost smile

And so one morning just before dawn You came
Out of the forest towards my window
With a smile in Your hand
As the moist air up to Your knees started swirling like smoke
I saw Your lips move
Asking: Did you lose something
I stood glued to the window

Emotions running through my veins
How I know a word I can’t explain

I think I've known You all along
Just lost Your face in the crowd for a while
I think I have been holding my breath all my life  
Can I exhale and go into exile  
Ask me now and I’ll run away with You

How that "face in the crowd" ties back to themes from the album Silence and the opening track "Caught a Glimpse" (lyrics). When the noise of the world is overwhelming, a "Still silent voice whispers stay / (But in the crowd I) / Caught a glimpse of your eye" reminding me that that "I'll be safe and devotion." "Pitiful" (lyrics) follows after, with another confession:

But I know, as I hammered those nails into Your beautiful hands
Your eyes still try to search for mine, but I look away
Now Your eyes are the only thing that can save me
I'm still so afraid of them piercing
You're breaking into my prison,

And I remember every word You said
Come back in time, come back
And I remember I would soon be dead
Now so pitiful, so pitiful
You're so pitiful

"When I Remember" (lyrics) closes out The Great Depression with a confession of what can break through our hardened hearts:

These days there is not much that will bring tears to my eyes
But when I remember who I am and who You are
When I remember

A cloud moves in, rain falls, thunder strikes  
And sunshine breaks through the clouds

I can cry out of sorrow and joy  
Every drop of rain turns into a crystal in the sun  
So wash my eyes, my clothes, my skin, my bones, my soul  
My feet, my love  
I’m not forgotten  
I’m in your thoughts cause I feel sunshine in the rain

And the title track "About a Burning Fire" (lyrics) closes that album describing Christ's rebellious love in our selfish world:

Love is destructive  
For the ego  
And Your voice is the only thing  
That speaks rebelliously in this world of claiming your own  
There is no peace outside if there's nothing within  
Love is addictive  
For the spirit  
And Your voice whispers with a roar  
That fire rises up, refills  
Place the right king on the throne  

I thought about fire in the sky  
I thought about fire  
I thought about love burning in Your eye  
I thought about fire  

I thought about a burning fire  
I thought about a loving fire  
I thought about Your love

Truthless Heroes (a random thought on fandom and heaven)

I recently posted two comments on a Patreon post. It made me think that I've been sharing my thoughts in comments on other people's posts, but sometimes I'd like to remember my own thoughts, and keep them here for me--and anyone who might care to read them.

In this Patreon post--a podcast--Andrew Schwab of Project 86 was talking with a long-time supporter. They briefly touched on how famous people have to learn how to interact with strangers who know them (i.e. fans).

my comments:

Describing the "meeting a fan" experience is so interesting. I've been trying to wrap my brain around it for years... If I were to meet so-and-so... what would I say? They don't know me. I don't know them. I'm emotionally invested in their music, their words, their voice, the characters they play on the screen, the characters they wrote into a book, etc.--in love with who I imagine them to be.
How would I connect with them and express how their influence has affected my life? Because they don't know me... and I don't know them... I've just made up a narrative, creating heroes in my head.
I want to get to know them for real... but there's no time for that. We can't be friends and go hang out.

This thought keeps coming to mind, so I'm back to add on to my previous comment. After reading C.S. Lewis' The Great Divorce, I began to re-imagine heaven as a neighborhood where my neighbors are all my best friends and family. Likewise, all of their neighbors are their best friends, and somehow, we are just eternally surround by all our best friends, family, and favorite people, etc...
I know that's silly. What does it say about me that my idea of heaven is being surround by people that I love?

Remembering Dad

Dad passed peacefully in his sleep the morning of May the First, 2022.

What one, of any infinite number of lessons I could possibly share from Dad's life might be worth sharing today?

Live every day, planning for all the projects that can make life "any better." From the mundane to the impossible, from breakfast with friends, to cruises with those you love, to 21-day recovery plans--live your life with love so that if it were any better, you couldn't stand it.

Instead of a traditional funeral, we held a simple Celebration of Life.  Friends and family shared some beautiful comments, but many others were not able to attend.  Sadly, the ceremony was not recorded.  I am compiling this post to share the typed words and notes from the ceremony, and including the two videos we do have.

Thank you for your love, and prayers, and for sharing with us in this time of grief.  While we're saddened that he is gone, we know he is breathing easy with Jesus, and we will see him again.

Two Songs for the World Today

Wow. Thinking of problems today, and why we can’t get people into one room to share simple discussions. (Last week, someone commented that you can only lead a horse so close to water before you end up with a drowned horse.) We need connection so much, and yet no one is willing to enter the room (or arena as Brené Brown calls it, currently reading Dare to Lead). I just want to quit and give up trying, but am I doing this for me, or for the people I hope to get into the room?

Then it hit me. Two songs came to mind. The first song I thought of is the reason people won't enter the room. The second song that came to mind later signifies getting people into the room to discuss the problem.

First song: "So Selfish It's Funny"
(lyrics below, but if playing the video, you may want to turn the volume down)

Song: So Selfish It's Funny
Band: Showbread
Album: No Sir, Nihilism Is Not Practical
Lyrics:

Someday they'll write a book about you
Because you're so selfish it's funny
So self-absorbed, this thunderous horde
Of you, you, you
So self-absorbed, this thunderous horde
Of you, you, you

Yeah, I'd love you
But you love yourself
And you'd love me
But I love myself

So tense are these nerves in any instance
Teeth snap and a toe taps the dirt
Cry like a baby and see if then maybe the others will cherish your hurt
Never you see a cry or a plea
Consider another or first
Know this is YOUR world
The harsh words you have hurled
Recall you are the one in need worse

Yeah, I'd love you
But you love yourself
And you'd love me
But I love myself
Yeah, I'd love you
But you love yourself

Ignoring you, I dance, oh I do
Through magnificent realms, quite divine
Stopping to see my face smiling at me
For this is my life and my time

Yeah, I'd love you
But you love yourself
And you'd love me
But I love myself
Yeah, I'd love you
But you love yourself
And we'd serve you
But we serve ourselves

What an arduous task, it proves such a feat to be only one of a kind
Through the scenery slips through the spaces we meet
Press forward and leave me behind

What a child you are, for you look just like me
Looking out for number one, I'm all that I have and all that I see
Saved by the grace of the Son
So shall we deny?
And rot as we die?
As I write a book about me
My noble wealth of serving myself
I am so selfish it's funny

Giving up to start again

This past week has been rough.

• Monday I told my boss I planned to do something in a month and he said he approved of the idea.
• Tuesday I was crushed due to lack of participation in a project I've been working on, which ultimately throws off the plans I proposed on Monday (hard to host a special event when nobody wants to participate).
• Wednesday, I had the opportunity to discuss my project with a coach in order to iron out kinks and hopefully, eventually, push the project to a larger audience. My coach was in a van full of people on the road, distracted, and the call dropped several times before it devolved into a text message conversation with no productive outcome.
• Thursday, I felt so defeated, I didn't bother participating in my own project event. I didn't even bother checking in with the people that normally participate to see if it went well, or even happened at all. I was ready to throw in the towel.

I've been listening to the book "Dare to Lead" by Brené Brown, and Tuesday, I came across the section where she shares a story by Retired Air Force Colonel Dede Halfhill. The story touched on exactly what I was feeling and struggling with all week--exhaustion and loneliness.

I loved the way Dr. Brown narrated the story in the book, so I went looking for a clip of that exact audio on YouTube. I didn't find it, but I did find a couple videos with different tellings of the same story. 

edit: I should add that this list is in the order I found these videos. I've been bouncing around rewatching them to absorb the story, and I'd probably recommend watching them in chronological order: 2010 TED Talk, 2012 TED Talk, The Art of Language and Connection, and finally the Interview with Col Halfhill (retired). Now back to my regularly scheduled chaos...

First, here's the story. A weaker telling, but as close to the book as I could find:

This story revealed to me that the exhaustion I'm facing is LONELINESS. I feel alone in my efforts. I feel alone because I can't express my feelings with anyone due to the mandate of sterile, politically correct language. I lack friends. I feel alone at work. I feel alone at home. I don't know how to connect with others, or who to connect with. But this story tells me I'm not alone in those feelings.

In my search for other versions of the story, I found a full interview with Col Halfhill (retired) that covered The Man in the Arena quote by Theodore Roosevelt and how she met Brené Brown and shared the story that ended up in the book. I watched shortened clips of the interview out of order, but here's the full interview from start to finish. Thank you Josh for starting The HeroFront Podcast. I wish I had found this nine months ago:

This interview mentioned Brené Brown's TED Talks, so I went digging for those.

First there was Brené Brown's 2010 TED talk on Vulnerability:

And finally, Brené Brown's 2012 TED Talk on Shame (I think this one is stronger than the 2010 talk):

So now I'm back to reassessing the value of my project. Ultimately, I have to remember it's not about me. As I prepare to share some of these videos with my coworkers, and open up about my struggles, I drafted up the following to describe why I continue pressing forward:

For every one of me that's struggling to get people involved, there are hundreds of you who could potentially benefit from one of these discussions. So I can't give up.

Ultimately, the potential benefit this might bring far outweighs my frustrations and disappointments.

Accordingly, God reminded me this morning that He is bigger than my unmet expectations.

Also, just to end this in the key of AWESOME! Col Halfhill's story reminds me of this amazing song:

Jars of Clay, "Work" from the album Good Monsters (which is truly incredible, if you haven't heard it).

Another highlight from Good Monsters is the track "Oh My God":

And I'm done. Thanks.

Movie recommendations to show just how important connections are

 Several movies I've seen recently and really enjoyed.

A Whisker Away (2020)

This movie was beautiful and unexpected. Just came up recommended by Netflix one day (it had just released). It deals with so many serious emotional issues that we can all relate to in one way or another, but it does it in a beautifully imaginative way that makes it approachable, even for a younger audience who may not understand. The only part I really found myself disappointed with was the villain in the end. I think the best way I can explain it is, perhaps, there is enough villainy within ourselves, that I felt the movie didn't necessarily need to push that character as a villain toward the end. I guess I'm used to Studio Ghibli movies giving everyone a redemption arc and ending stories with everyone and no one being the villain from a certain point of view. Anyway, I still highly recommend A Whisker Away.

Also, the song during the credits is beautiful and reminds me of the song Vagabonds by The Classic Crime. Here is an acoustic version of Vagabonds and you can see how they start off calm and acoustic and accidentally explode with the energy of the song. So after hearing the song from A Whisker Away, I really hope The Classic Crime will do an acoustic piano version of Vagabonds, because I imagine it would be amazing. Can you imagine Andrew McMahon covering Vagabonds? Cause I'd pay to hear that!

Her (2013)

As mentioned in my last post, watching this movie is kind of what led me back here to the blog. It was really emotional and I don't know how to express how I felt about it. If you've ever fallen in love with the disembodied voice of someone on the phone, and then felt lost once the phone call ended, perhaps that is the feeling. I'm really not sure, but I really loved this movie.

Bright (2017)

Another movie I watched a couple weeks ago was Bright. It also brought about the realization that three years have passed and I'm behind the times again, but it sure isn't. Bright was also incredible in it's own way, touching very heavily on racial issues. I'm sarcastically certain that this movie inspired Disney/Pixar's Onward. It focuses on Will Smith, a human detective with the LAPD, who has been unwillingly partnered with the first orc police officer in a trial program that everyone not-so-secretly hopes will fail. The partners respond to a call and end up on the run trying to protect a young elf with a very illegal magical artifact. The racial tensions are out of control and I'd almost say this movie was ahead of it's time. I guess it wasn't that popular when it came out, but I loved it and really hope their's more to come. It felt like there were a lot of loose ends, and I'd really like to see more of the alternate world they created.
I guess I've been on a fantasy kick lately, because I also watched The Shannara Chronicles a couple months back and proceeded to read the first two Shannara books by Terry Brooks.

Anyway, three recommendations is good for now. In writing this post, I've been noticing the theme of connection and thinking just how important it is to the human spirit.

"Not Done With You Yet"

Wow!

Hello, old friend. It's been so long.
A blog! What's that? This used to be a place of freedom. A place to share with the people who weren't listening.
I want to write.
I keep watching videos on YouTube and thinking 'I used to have something to say.' Now I just have things to not say. Strangely enough, that seems to be the theme of all "recent" blog posts--silence.

Hmm... Just had the thought to look it up. It looks like I started this Blogger blog back in either Jan 2008 or late 2007 and added in all my old LiveJournal and MySpace posts. So this might be my 10-year anniversary year-ish, although I haven't really been active for a number of years.

But back to silence and breaking.
My work supervisor sat me down for a talk today. Recommended I go talk to someone (get professional help).
I imagine it's because I left a sticky note on my desk with a Jars of Clay quote on it:
"I have no fear of drowning, it's the breathing that's taking all this work" which taken out of the context of the song could seem like a reason to be concerned.

There's also been a lot of stress in life lately. Cancer in the family tends to have that effect.
All the things in my head that I could say... You know when there should be inspiration, but what you get just falls flat. Think of Star Wars III: Revenge of the Sith.

I wish I could just pour my heart out. I feel like I put my life on pause 10 years ago and it's becoming so exhausting to keep moving on without it.

My supervisor's not wrong. I am stressed and I do probably need to talk to someone, but no matter who it is, it's not who I want to talk to.

Perhaps it can just be you for now. Perhaps I'll be back soon. Maybe I'll find my way back from tired to inspired.


Currently Listening to:

How To Be Human

Apr 28, 2017

by The Classic Crime and Vocal Few

"Such distance from our friends"

I just saw that a friend started a blog for a school project. Made me miss blogging.

Title is a quote from the mewithoutYou song Messes of Men:
"Such distance from our friends,
Like a scratch across the lens,
Made everything look wrong from anywhere we stood"

The Beauty, The Horror... of Rock that is SO RAW

I had forgotten how EPIC this CD was still is.

Showbread - "No Sir, Nihilism Is Not Practical"

A day in the Life

So I miss blogging...
I've been feeling it for a while now.

I WANT to BLOG!!

You know, I just live all up here in my head and sometimes I just need some fresh air.
So I would like you to join me, and take a stroll in my footsteps of today. (if you don't have time to follow all of them, at least follow the last step)

(Wobbly time travel effects, lightning bolts and such)

So today (among other things I've been working on)... well, actually, all the things I've been working on tie together. Well not all of them.
Researching and shopping for components to build a computer doesn't tie in at all.

Anyway, this morning I was trying to clear out my email inbox (~300 unread messages, ugh...)
Now down to 45, YEAH!!
So the following is about the point I stopped clearing emails and what follows will probably explain why.
So I saw an email from Tooth & Nail Records and clicked on the part that looked like this: (you can click too)======>

After watching the Zombie video, I watched the Dance or Die video.

 <========

 After that I saw several videos in the sidebar. One song, Cray Button (feat Lecrae) caught my eye. I like FF5 and Lecrae, but before that I wanted to check out something else. A video that seemed random and completely unrelated to Family Force 5. So this is what I clicked next:

 I didn't know why it was showing up, and I wanted to check it out. After watching that video, I saw this:

 meekakitty does Cray Button? Okay.

 So I clicked it.

After that, I was intrigued. I wanted to see the FF5 Cray Button video, but before I link you straight to the highlight of my blog, here's what happened AFTER I watched the Cray Button video:

I checked out the FF5 video for Wobble: 

After enjoying that, I checked out the new acoustic FF5 song Superhero.  Great song, I highly encourage you to check it out!! (along with all the other videos I'm telling about, just for fun)
At some point I went back to shopping for computer parts.
But then I came back because I wanted to hear Cray Button again...
And then I started watching other videos that meekakitty had done. Enjoying her vlogs (video blogs), it somewhat reminded me that I miss blogging. What made me want to write this blog though, was really the fact that I wanted to tell my friend Jake about all of this, but it was too much to say in a text message.

I watched meekakitty's video Creativity Block (who hasn't been there before?), and then Mirror, Mirror, which I shared with my friend Amanda

because it made me think of her, and all her video production stuffs.

 And just now I watched Real life is hard.

which I also liked.

I told Jake that Tessa (aka meekakitty) is his wife and just doesn't know it yet.

Anyway, after effectively stalking meekakitty's YouTube videos, and regularly going back to FF5's Cray Button video, with no further delay... Here is Family Force 5, Cray Button (feat. Lecrae & meekakitty):

And may the Cray be with you

Jonezetta and Band Marino

Great guys! I gotta meet and hang out with three of them for a while. The venue was kinda crappy, but they still rocked anyway.
I asked, and they played the song Imagination for me. :-) Robert said this goes out to our friend who asked up to play it. :-)
I was so excited!
Band Marino rocked as well, and I talked to a couple of them, and asked about possibly touring with them as a merch guy and they gave me some contact info. So I'm stoked about that possible opportunity.
But more later. Right now I need to drive home. Goodnight.

The Sound and The Silence

Some things are better left unsaid.
But I'll let the music I've been listening to speak for me.

Cover Your Eyes By: Sullivan Release date: 2007-06-05

"This paper posed as photographs, this promise snapped with time elapsed.
You think you do, but you don't know me at all."

Great White Whale By: Secret and Whisper Release date: 2008-02-12

1- Blonde Monster
"Sometimes evil eyes are comforting. Cast spells on our hearts, we don't mind."
2- You Are Familiar
"You're clear to me, despite my blurry vision.
You are familiar in ways that I'm looking for, a silent figure that looms beyond.
You're looking over me."
3- Vanishings
"I say never again to friends, and fads, and fitting in:
A phantom walks to the sea, fades and secretly drowns until his heart's appeased."
6- Spider Besider
"There's a mystical, ancient, and forgotten way.
Ia cho ku, I'm not as sweet as I've led you.
Ia cho ku, with spiders beside her.
Tradition meets with ocean eyes, and sea monsters are in the tides.
A spider beside her."
7- Looming Moon
"We are spending all our time away from one another.
Like wind behind the grass in sway, asleep at certain times of day.
May we all turn into the leaves that crack and break apart.
And I'm anxious to relieve my mind from desperate thoughts.
I hope you remember me always."
8- Attacker
"At night we hear you wandering, gently appearing softly, and cautiously.
There are glowing particles, and flashing bursts,
But let me tell you that the whispering is the worst.
Is he attacker or friend, with a message to send?
Or is it just loneliness?"
9- Anchors
"The ocean dwells in lonely life and storm
Give me this moment; I'll wade into the ocean.
Anchors drag me down to depths of sea, where creatures can watch me drown."
10- Werewolves
"Give in to ghost that haunt you. Accept the friends you want to.
I feel like I am barely on. A well with all the water drawn.
When I'm hard on life, I sleep in days and wander nights.
With legs too weak to carry on, we fall apart like falling stars."
11- Lovers
"Waiting all her life, you have been spending your days all alone, like a widow grieving.
You hold onto the promise you will see him again, like lovers in the evening.
For the open and great unknown, you're leaving your heart at home.
He regrets all his memories, and his soul is left to haunt the breeze alone."
12- Great White Whale
"I'm searching for the great white whale, strong and bold. Locked in a tower, he will sleep forever. I'll never be alone again.
Down by the alder, we were wishing our hearts together. Down by the alder, where you told me you'd never love another.
The animals are gathering to hunt me down. To take revenge for kidnapping your gentle sound. Return to the river, with the howling of all the animals that needed you.
In hunting and living, if you remember one thing, remember I needed you."

Until There's Nothing Left of Us By: Kill Hannah Release date: 2006-08-01

"Take this heart. It's ticking like a time bomb And I'm not running anymore!
I'll stand to face it all! I'll fight for every breath until there's nothing left of us!"

Beautiful Lie By: 30 Seconds To Mars Release date: 2007-02-27

"A revolution has begun today for me inside
The ultimate defense is to pretend
Revolve around yourself just like an ordinary man
The only other option to forget"

Define the Great Line By: Underoath Release date: 2006-06-20

1- In Regards To Myself
"There's got to be some stable ground left to walk on
So tear another page from the book
Are you asleep or just alone
Clear this room from your lungs
And pull yourself together man
Just what are you so afraid of
You're staring truth in the face, so come on down"
2- A Moment Suspended In Time
"There's nothing left for me here
No time to talk you know the drill
It's so funny how we see things so clear when we have no time left to live!"
3- There Could Be Nothing After This
"You want to see me disappear? Well, so do I
Such a quiet evaporation"
4- You're Ever So Inviting
"Don't make me feel so contradicting
I know why you never take your eyes off me
I've used my lungs for everything but breathing"
5- Sālmarnir
6- Returning Empty Handed
"You brought me here for this
I see nothing but disaster
Here again? This is getting old... This is getting old!!!"
7- Casting Such A Thin Shadow
"Speak up
My ears are growing weary
I can still stand if you lend the hand to brace me"
8- Moving For The Sake Of Motion
"I hate the me that I've become
This needy useless forgetting one"
9- Writing On The Walls
"Maybe we, Why don't we sit right here for half an hour
We'll speak of what a waste I am and how we missed your beat again"
10- Everyone Looks So Good From Here
"I have put myself here
I'm the culprit
I am the culprit
I swear I've slipped right through the cracks in the floor"
11- To Whom It May Concern
"At the end of the road you'll find what you've been longing for
I know cause my feet have the scars to show
I was lost with vague direction and no place to call home
Because in this place, we're all as good as dead
...end cycle...
It's not the end of the road for you"

They're Only Chasing Safety By: Underoath Release date: 2004-06-15

1- Young and Aspiring
"I fear that I am just an end //So you'll play the mistaken and I'll play the victim
In our screenplay of desire // And I'm still writing the letters I'll never send"
2- Boy Brushed Red Living In Black And White
"Can you feel your heart beat racing? // Can you taste the fear in her sweat?
We've done this wrong we're too far gone // These sheets tell of regret
Here is where we both go wrong
In this moment that we both ignore the truth
It's all over
I'm scared, you're scared, we're scared of this?
3- The Impact Of Reason
"Crack a smile just for the sake of it, This could take a while
A long while
Silence is golden especially in this case
No lights No signs I'm at a loss for words"
6- It's Dangerous Business Walking Out Your Front Door
"I've been up at this all night long // I've been drowning in my sleep
My knuckles have turned to white // There's no turning back tonight
So hold on tight"
7- Down, Set, Go
"I had the whole world in my hands // And I gave it away
Cracking a smile and wearing it all on my sleeve
What liars we can be"
8- I Don't Feel Very Receptive Today
"I haven't talked in days // And I'm really not too sure // What I sound like anymore
9- I'm Content With Losing*
"How does it feel to be on the receiving end of this one?
I'm half way there and it's all on me // This is what I get for wanting more
So I walk around with this rope in my hand
So I'll tie it around... and around... and around.
I'll tie me down
In your eyes you were the one that tried
This is the moment that we all live for
Are you ready? Are you ready?"
10- Some Will Seek Forgiveness, Others Escape
"I heard a voice through the discord // A deluge of passerby
I saw one gaze frozen in time // Watching me passing by
I swear I'll know your face in the crowd // And I'll hear your voice so loud
When you're whispering
Here's my kiss to betray // Desperate to touch the lips of grace
Do you feel hollow when you think of how I've lied?
O sweet angel of mercy // With your grace like the morning
Wrap your loving arms around me
Hey unfaithful I will teach you to be stronger
Hey ungrateful I will teach you to forgive one another
Hey unloving I will love you
And Jesus, I'm ready to come home
Hey unfaithful, Hey ungrateful, Hey unloving, I will love you
I will love you"

Son, I Loved You at Your Darkest By: As Cities Burn Release date: 2005-06-21

1- Thus from my lips, by yours, my sin is purged*
"I've got a will, but I want yours. I've got a growing heap of crosses and burdens. I've simply lost heart to shoulder, simply no strength to lift. I've always been a man in need 'cause I keep stepping in and out of the shadow, caught by the drift and pitch of whatever it is that keeps me coming back. I want out 'cause I'm getting sick, sick from all this swerving, Driver, sick from turning on you. Someone show me a hole in this cycle. Show me the way away and I'm coming back the way I came. No! I've seen this place before. Surely this is no place for the light of this world. Oh how sweet the sound! I know it saved, but is it changing a wretch like me? Oh my God, how sweet is the sound! I once was blind but now I just look away. My bride, I don't want to know what I'd be without forgiveness brushing these adulterous lips."
2- Love Jealous One, Love
"This is me at my darkest, looking down from my tower to heaven
Teacher, which of us will be the greatest?
Father, hide our hearts in you lest we steal them back and lay them at the feet of men.
I know now that glory has not a place near my hands, or any man."
3- Incomplete Is A Leech*
"Unless you can part my ribs like the sea and make stone beat, then there's no hope for me. Unless the east never meets the west, unless you set my sin between your shoulderblades and forget. Part my ribs like the sea and change me. 'Cause stone doesn't beat and rock hearts don't pump anything. But I've grown not to mind because at least stone doesn't sling blood, or spill like guts across the floor where the bloodsuckers want more, and more, and more."
5- Terrible! How Terrible For The Great City!
"Am I a monster when I sink my teeth into her when I don't love her?
This is what real men keep quiet:
It doesn't exist if you can hide it behind your teeth and sleep at night
I just feel as empty as the lungs of those waiting in the womb.
Do you feel as empty as the lungs of those waiting to come into this world where being beautiful means being used? How long will we blame the devils on our shoulders, and pose like angels on the outside when all I am is a monster?"
6- The Widow
"My God, what a world you love"
7- Wake Dead Man, Wake*
"Let the dead bury their own dead. Will you still love me in famine, as when love began at the harvest? Or would you gain the whole world? Son, I love you at your darkest. But what good is the whole world when I promise no tomorrow? I only promise your tomorrows will never take you past my palm. Love, what is love without trust? At my word, would you bring your Isaac? Son, I loved you at your darkest."
8- Admission : Regret
"So I hear there's a whole world out there, but I've grown to love this bed to much to leave it
'Cause all I've got is sleep against my fear of being swept away by the wind, the undertow and thought. I keep hearing about this world out there. Come untie me from this bed. Untie me from the wicked things I love. Awake! Awake in the company of men given something to say. Give me a servants heart and a tongue to obey. Awake! Come Wind. Awake! Come thought. Tired head, take up your mat and walk."
9- One : Twenty-Seven
"When will the weak shame the strong
When will we raise our flags past half-mast
I call this brave but how dare I call this love and not bear my cross to the end.
How can I call this love when all that I am is because your love endures my back to it?
Your love endures my back to it."
10- Of Wand And Misery : The Nothing That Kills
"I watched you float away on a wave of want and misery.
I watched you float away on whatever caught your eye.
Now I've got to find you 'cause I've got to keep your head above the water while the current pulls me under. I will hang my life in the space between the noose and your neck.
I won't let you die just yet.
I will love you even when you won't let me and you will kill me by doing nothing.
But I know it's not you, my dear, it's the nothing that kills.
I can't save you; Control is something out of my control
No, I can't save you but I will love you.

With Arrows With Poise By: Myriad Release date: 2008-05-13

9- Throwing Punches
"Is this what you meant by love? // To throw a punch with the comeback kids
You've given me desires // With a catch of hope and faith
Is this what you meant by love? // Crashing cars with the coolest kids
You've given me my one desire even though it's dangerous"
12- Stuck In A Glass Elevator*
"If we run we just might find that // There's a way to get out of this place
If we run we just might find that there's a way, that there's a way... to get out.
And in the end the glass will crumble // In the end it will burst and break
In the end, in the end... we'll get out.
Is it just me or is it getting hotter in this place
Is it just me or is it getting hotter... Let's get out.
Let's get out, Let's get out of this place!

(This is truly a beautiful song and you should really hear it. A very mellow rock piece with a beautiful piano.)

Currently undefined: The Sun And The Moon Complete [2 CD] By: The Bravery Release date: 2008-03-18

"We are liars like the summertime, like the spring we are such fools
Like fall we are false prophets, and like winter we are cruel
And I don't know where we belong // I think we grew under a bad sun
I know we're not like everyone // You and me we grew under a bad sun"

Viva La Vida By: Coldplay Release date: 2008-06-17

1- Cemeteries Of London
"The morning is for sleeping
Save the nighttime for your weeping
We go underneath the arches where the witches all will say
There are ghost towns in the ocean
God is in the houses and God is in my head, and all the cemeteries of London"
3- Lost
"Just because I'm losing, doesn't mean that I'm lost.
You might be a big fish in a little pond, doesn't mean you've won.
Oh, I'm just waiting 'til the shine wears off."
4- 42
"You thought you might be a ghost!
You didn't get to heaven but you made it close."

Seattle Sessions By: Classic Crime Release date: 2007-11-06

Currently Listening: Safety in the Sea By: Sever Your Ties Release date: 2008-07-08

Currently Listening: The Silver Cord By: The Classic Crime Release date: 2008-07-22

Currently Listening: This Is an Outrage! By: Capital Lights Release date: 2008-07-08

Most of these are just quotes, but I've tried to mark the few full songs with an *.
This blog started at 22:56 and finished... posted at 04:35

Miserable and Plenty To Say

Miserable

You have everything you need
you could part the open seas
I would peel off all my skin to keep you warm at night.

Blood is running through my eyes
and mixed with tears that you've inspired
While out drinking with your friends
a boy's been robbed of life

And do you ever think of losing sleep?
Well I know you will
I know you will
and have you ever dreamed of facing me?
Well I know you will
I know you will
and I'll finally say,
"you're miserable"

{lyrics by Brooks Paschal for Surprises}

I'll Have Plenty To Say When You're Dead

You told me I'd amount to nothing
like drunkards in your lake front town
That you would always support me
like orphans at the lost and found
but now that I am finally found

I'm standing up for myself now darling
I'm breaking off and it hurts like hell
I'll have plenty to say when you're dead
cause I can't help myself.

I dream of making doctor's appointments
where I can steal the nurse's meds
So you can make a quick recovery
from all the shit that I've been fed
and I would never leave my bed

I'm standing up for myself now darling
I'm breaking off and it hurts like hell
I'll have plenty to say when you're dead
cause I can't help myself
No, I can't help myself.

It never should have gone this far
but if it did I let you down.

I'm standing up for myself now darling
I'm breaking off cause it hurts like hell
but I'll have plenty to say when you're dead
cause I can't help myself.
I'm standing up for myself now darling
I'm breaking off and it hurts like hell
I'll have plenty to say when you're dead
cause I can't help my...
I'm standing up for myself now darling
I'm breaking off and it hurts like hell
I'll have plenty to say when you're dead
cause I can't help myself
No, I can't help myself.

No, I can't help myself.

{lyrics by Brooks Paschal for Surprises}

Look at what I found :- ] (So awesome!!!)

"Happy Wife => Happy Life" ~ (comedian: Jeff Allen)

Five Iron Frenzy
"Vultures"

Watching Mrs. Brady prime the brand new Kenmore washer
see the brilliant gleam of the automatic tooth flosser
Beautiful the china, what a lovely cup and saucer
yeah I saw your Rolex, but I think it’s an impostor
Wave to the pretty ladies
with your brand new hairpiece, baby
Ahh, the smell of cash, it’s good to be alive
I’m going to spend some dough like it’s 1985
Rip the tags off mattresses
you’ll buy more anyway
Is the paint on that SUV
some brand new type of gray?

Chorus:
Believe in anything
Vultures circling
Open, swallow, you’re so hollow
Yeah.

My teeth are getting yellow from the mocha I just drank
I need to bleach them out, but my breath will still be rank
Did you you see the new computers,
aren’t they oh so obsolete?
And that shade of black you wear,
it’s so Tuesday of last week
You need a better life
Have you tried another wife?
I used to be an amateur but now I’m going pro
It once was Mile High but you sold it to Invesco
The empire grows
you can see it’s massive span
beneath the golden arches
somewhere in Japan.

And the vultures circle
they’ve paved the way
They’ve bit and clawed their paths to top floors in L.A.
And beneath the brazen windows
you can hear the sound
they say the word on the street is “something’s going down”...
When the revolution comes... when the revolution comes... when the revolution comes
When the revolution comes!!!!

Believe in anything
Vultures circling
Open, swallow, you’re so hollow
Yeah.



So... I've been thinking...
And I think it's about that time...

The Great Disappearing Act...
Yes....
Let's see who notices... and if they know where to find me... ^_^
:-)

Would you bring your Isaac?

Blog from MySpace. Current mood:  sleepy Category: Music

I was hanging out with Janell and Erika tonight (for a little while), and after we dropped Erika off, Janell went back to her house where my car was parked. I told her that I thought I would drive home in silence... My thoughts behind the silent trip home were: my prayers are boucing off the ceiling, music isn't helping me worship God, perhaps silence can help to bring me into focus. well, I lied..... When I got into the car, mewithoutYou was playing. The album: "Catch For Us The Foxes" The song: "The Soviet" What it had to say: 

God is love and love is real, but the dead are dancing with the dead and though all that's charming disappears all things lovely only hurt my head as I gather stones from fields like pearls of water on my fingers ends and wrap them up in boxes, safe from windows, from things that break, as the night-time shined like day it saw my sorry face, hair a mess but it liked me best that way (Besides, how else could I confess? When I looked down, like if to pray, well I was looking down her dress...) Good God, please! Catch for us the foxes in the vineyard - The little foxes. Turn your ear, musician, to silence because they only come out when it's quiet, their tails brushing over your eyelids - Wake up, Sleeper, and rise from the dead! Or the fur that they shed will cover your bed in a delicate orange-ish cinnamon red, ah, I don't need this! I have my loves, I have my doubts. I don't need this. 

And after having that to say... I thought on it....(Selah) I then jumped to As Cities Burn The album: "Son, I Loved You At Your Darkest!" The song: "Wake Dead Man, Wake" What this song had to say: 

Let the dead bury their own dead. Will you still love me in famine, As when love began at the harvest? Or would you gain the whole world? Son, I loved you at your darkest. But what good is the whole world When I promise no tomorrow? I only promise your tomorrows Will never take you past my palm. Love, what is love without trust? At my word would you bring your Isaac? Son, I loved you at your darkest. 

The importance? Sunday morning, Matthew 7:24-27 which is the parable of the wise and foolish men building their houses on the rocks and in the sand. Well, I was scanning through and something caught my eye in Matthew 8. "Let the dead bury their own dead." 

Matthew 8:19-22  

19 Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." 20 Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." 21 Another disciple said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." 22 But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead." 

I underlined two parts of this passage: "the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." and "let the dead bury their own dead." 

In the song "In A Sweater Poorly Knit," by mewithoutYou, there is a verse that says: 

You're a door-without-a-key, a field-without-a-fence You made a holy fool of me and I've thanked you ever since. If she comes circling back we'll end where we'd begun Like to pennies on the train track the train crushed into one Or if I'm a crown without a king, if I'm a broken open seed If I come without a thing, then I come with all I need No boat out in the blue, no place to rest your head The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead! I do not exist only YOU exist 

The reason I'm posting all this online.... I'm not sure... I was driving past my mom's office and it popped into my head to come post this blog... so here I am... I hope this blesses you. I have much homework to do, and a pounding headache... but I felt led to post this... So I hope that these thoughts bless you I pray that they do. Although, my prayers seem to be bouncing off the ceiling today... I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. "Your Face Here" upon my heart with love Matthew Shane 

Lord, If following You means living in constant motion, moving with You Lord. Living with no place to rest my head. I give it to You Lord. I give You my world. It will do me no good if I am not to survive the night. Lord I bring You my Isaac. And I can only pray that you are pleased and honored by my sacrifice. I offer up to You the things that I want most. My life is in Your hands. Amen

Currently listening : Brother, Sister By mewithoutYou Release date: By 26 September, 2006

2 Comments - 4 Kudos

	Amanda Marie	Thank you so much for posting this Matt! It has truly blessed me. And this blog has also showed me how much you have changed in your faith. It is breath-taking! I can't wait to see you again whenever that is. Posted by Amanda Marie on Thursday, November 09, 2006 at 8:21 AM

~Crystal~

I am so excited for you Matt! I remember when you didn't look at things quite this way...It was I too that let wordly things interfere with my relationship with God. We should so conduct a Bible Study!? What do ya think? Posted by ~Crystal~ on Friday, November 10, 2006 at 11:35 AM