Blog from when I was using MySpace.
Current mood:
accomplished
I guess now that I've finished copying everything from LiveJournal, I'll have to start new entries. Well, I still need to copy the comments from LJ. Anyway, here's what's new. Warped Tour was decently fun. I was with friends, so that was probably the good part about it. Austin and I started 2 mosh pits during Fall Out Boy. My wallet was stolen at some point... but after a short time I made myself continue to have fun despite the loss of my identity... And I had this to say about it.
08/04/05 (at Warped Tour before wallet theft)
It'll be everywhere tomorrow
The disaster that was today
08/04/05 (23:42 at home after Warped Tour and wallet theft)
I lost my mind
I lost myself
I lost my name
I lost my heart
I just want to hold you close
But when should we call this love
And when should we call it loneliness?
Why can't we stop subconsciously trying?
And when will we start consciously winning?
Okay, well here are some older notes. Did I ever enter these in one of my entries?
This was flashing on a sign as I was driving in the rain after I had just purchased the new Blindside and Emery CDs. You should buy them, they are awesome.
08/02/05
Some people feel the rain
Others just get wet
I wrote this just after my last entry's odd poem.
08/03/05 (04:54)
Dance with me oh World
Spin for me a web of lies
08/03/05 (somewhere around 12:30)
Here we are
Where our hearts meet the stars
In your eyes
And that's it so far... I'll have more later I'm sure... I'm feeling slightly poetic and crazy tonight.
Oh, I'd like to submit a poem I wrote a couple weeks ago. I don't think Megan will mind. It mentions almost every happy memory that I have from while we were going out, and I'm sure you had to be there to understand some of the references, but I like it and I want it to be seen. Get ready, it's long; very long. Probably my longest poem by far. I originally called it "Memories" but now I call it "Memories For Getting Over".
Memories For Getting Over
I was interested slightly
But not nearly so deeply
Then gradually over time
Your beauty intrigued me
*Few phone calls and Young Life
Pick up for the movies
Drive slowly, two studies
The park at the swing set
A concert, a day off
Going out, church, and a picnic
Samitch-N-OJ
My shirt said 'perspective'
I cuddled with you
It was not so expected
Puppy love, it was something
Neither you nor I want
Oh, if confidence could kill me
Yeah, I'm sure then I'd have some
Took a while to answer to Beautiful
Like Jello rolled off the tongue
Spelling names from shell candy
Fall asleep (in love) with your voice on the phone
I had work in the morning
You had school later on
Pick up from the airport
Start a job, skip the dancing
The Incredibles, and a Frosty
Playing a song, how you'll starve me
Cause you're planning a trip
And I miss you already
At some point you told someone of your boyfriend
It was weird to be called, and to refer to a girlfriend
I signed up for a test
Or you'd ground me, no run
It rained the next day
I don't remember, but here's what I wrote
The beautiful sight washed me clean
And it gave me great hope
Later that day, I wrote my mind was in chaos
It didn't make sense
So I guess I just gave up
We watched a Theory
Conspiring past midnight
Slept on my shoulder till one
Then we had to get laundry
The next morning you flew away to the west
Come back from CA
Florida's starved for your best
A week of almost silence
I think I broke down and cried
I wrote of how I'd be waiting
And how I'd try to "spend well our time"
We talked with Alex on AIM
A short email from school
The text was pink where you signed
When you got back you called me
And woke me at 3 o'clock
I remember the message
Cory joked, so tired you can't use the phone
I'll see you at Chapel
Then I'll take you to lunch
Drive you to gift shop
Then we got my hair cut
We went back to your house
And ate something with oranges
We stood in your driveway
No music was heard but we danced
Oh I had missed you
Can't say how I'd missed you so much
The next day was sad when you found out
You weren't accepted to college
You told me not to
But I had to visit you the same
You didn't say so
But maybe that was my mistake
Jess got her "threats" in
And I couldn't stop laughing
I couldn't stay long though
After we four had picked up the movies
You sent me home
As it became a girls' night
You seemed sad to tell me
But I didn't mind
The next day you were sick
I remember, I went to the fair
I nearly bought you a necklace
But time situations weren't fare
That day I wrote, and I don't recall why
"My life is tomorrow"
But it wasn't so right
I know tomorrow brought sorrow
It had been raining, you called
And you sounded quite blue
(I wonder if this sad part's turned funny
Since I'm rhyming like Dr. Seuss)
I remember meeting you
In the corner of Borders
It was cold and our hug
Made things seem much colder
That night I decided that I would move home
I don't know if you cared
But I felt you had left me alone
Over the next couple days
I wrote quite the mad poem
I was sorry for that
Because I never did like it
I went with my family
To celebrate going away
Before the part though
I drove for five days straight
I had gone searching for flowers
And came back with paused time
I should have remembered
The spell ended at midnight
Just in time, I Agree With...
Do I love you in vain?
But now I'm so tired
And this rhyme's such a pain
Goodnight fare lady
I hope your dreams are kept well
It's hard to believe I won't give up yet
I'm so sorry I yelled
But you took all the blame
And I think I just wanted my share of the guilt
**It wasn't your fault at all
I was mad at the pen
The rhyme was terrible
Just like this poem is
But I took it out on you
And I was oh so aggressive
I had been lonely that night
And missed you so much
I'm sorry dear Beauty
It wasn't your fault
It wasn't your fault
It wasn't your fault
...
Dates and Times of Writing:
07/12/05 (03:05)
*07/13/05 (00:15 to 03:40)
**07/13/05 (22:19)
"Your Face Here" upon my heart with love
Matthew (Mahi) Eskuchen
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