Don't get me wrong about what I said in my blog last night.
I love Melanie.
But...
Anyway.
I quit. There are times you have to step on.
I KNOW she deserves MUCH better than what she's chosen, and she will see that.
I don't wish any hurt on her, but she will get hurt... :-(
I wish her all the happiness in the world.
I love her.
But, it is time.
We spent the past year not communicating, and we've fallen apart.
I won't point any fingers at her or myself.
A relationship can only fail or succeed based on the actions of both parties involved.
So both our actions brought it to it's close.
But...
I can't explain it, exactly. But I felt a great peace flood over me when it ended.
The moment it was final...
I felt God.
And although I had been reaching for the past year, I haven't been able to reach God.
I was very saddened by this...
All year long I was saddened because I didn't know what was wrong.
And then on Jan. 2 I was saddened because I realized that I was holding myself back from God because I was trying to hold onto what He was urging me to outgrow.
I wanted to grow in God with her.
But I merely sat down with her, and didn't do anything useful at all.
I feel like I've wasted so much time.
But, it's in the past, and all I can do is dance with joy at feeling God's touch once again.
I can't change anything that happened. Simply move on, knowing God knows best.
On MySpace last night, I started a new page to add bands to.
I added a bunch of bands, and then, in the wee hours of the morning, I started looking for friends.
New people to meet.
I started searching through pages of Chipola students and adding interesting ones as friends... or trying to add. It's really their call.
Well, a lot of pages are set to private now, so all I was really going by on a lot of them were Names and Headlines.
I found one.
A friend I know is worth keeping.
I'm very excited.
I know it was God's doing that I chose to add her. It was so random, and so odd that ANYONE would add me, a complete stranger looking for a few new friends.
Anyway... this one's a keeper, and we'll see what God does.
How's that???
oh... and don't forget... :-) EAT YOU SOME!!!!
Well,
I just heard from my new friend, so I'm going to reply, and hopefully I will eventually get tried and fall asleep, but right now I'm too excited.
I final feel free to say it honestly again...
"Your Face Here" upon my heart with love
Matthew Shane
Oh, and Matt;
I love this so much better than MySpace. Anyone can comment without logging into anything. It's just so much more freedom.
And I love you bro!!! You really need to move back down here. I got a whole half a house waiting on you...
And then I'll finally have someone to play the Wii with without having to fight with schedules or transport it to another house.
 | Currently listening: Something to Say By: Matthew West Release date: 15 January, 2008 |
No comments:
Post a Comment