Real Life in Draft: God's Success in My Disasterous Disappoinments

Today started out to find a very depressed me.
I was invited to go to a concert with some friends, but it wasn't the concert I wanted to go to.
I was invited to go see Lecrae and Lincoln Brewster at a free concert. A Christian rapper and a worship artist. I WANTED to go see Hollywood Undead and Framing Hanley. Hollywood Undead is a hardcore rap group who all wear masks and the main focus of all of their songs cover three main topic... Sex, Drugs and... Yeah... Alcohol... and money I guess... Extremely crude, but a lot of their music is quite catchy... and I generally hate rap. Framing Hanley is a punk/rock/emo type band I was really interested in seeing. They named themselves in honor of a friend who had died in a car accident.

I wanted to go to the free concert, but I was far more interested in the other.
I was depressed...
Ha...
I was depressed this morning because of exactly what I said in the last blog. :-)
Pathetic.
The girl mentioned in the last bog was going to the Hollywood/Hanley show. She told me Friday as she was headed to pick up tickets. I asked if I could join her and I haven't heard from her since. Anyway... I was pretty upset. I didn't feel I was imposing on her. I told her to feel free to say no. I wanted to go, but I didn't want to feel like I was following her, so I wanted to ask her if it was okay.
Anyway, as I said... I still haven't heard from her.

Well, this morning... as well as yesterday... I woke up with a Terrible sinus headache. I was depressed because I hadn't heard back from her... let's call her Rose, just to give her a name and keep her (mostly) anonymous. So I hadn't heard from her, I was extremely disappointed... my head hurt... My friend Amanda, who was supposed to call me last night, but didn't, called me this morning. I talked to her and told her very breifly about Rose. She said that I should just talk to Rose... which... although a good idea, was a fatally flawed idea in that... I still have yet to hear from Rose. "Oh well."
I wasn't feeling much better after getting off the phone with Amanda, but I was a bit more encouraged to join some other friends at this free concert. A very TINY bit... not really enought to get me out of bed.
All I wanted to do was curl up in my covers and be depressed.
I called my friend Quig who had invited me and told him how I felt and that I wanted to go, but just didn't think I'd make it... but... I might. If for some reason I changed my mind in the next five minutes, I'd have time to jump out of bed and make it to the meeting place to car pool.
I looked for all the excuses I could to make myself get up and go...
I just wanted out of the house and away from my "lonely" head. Honestly... I wanted to isolate myself and curl up in bed and do nothing. But I knew that that isn't what I truly wanted. I wanted to enjoy the little bit of time I had without focusing on being ignored by some girl.

I popped in Family Force 5's "Dance or Die" cd and got my myself a bit more up-beat. The plans weren't in stone, so I huridly grabbed a bag and tossed in my swimsuit, a towel, shoes, a sweater, a hat... We might go to the beach, we might go to the mall... it was up in the air. I quickly got ready and bolted out the door.
Gotta LOVE Dancin' or Dyin'.

They called me as I was pulling out of the driveway with a final check on my status. I was late and they were about ready to get going. Luckily, I live right around the corner from the church were we were meeting. I rushed over there... waited on several stupid drivers... and finally parked.

We were on the road.

My mind was still disappointed and hurt by Rose, and I really kinda hoped that she'd just lost her phone... or something.
Well, we listened to music and I read a couple pages in Twilight on the way down to Panama City. When we reached the mall, Quig and I went toward FYE and Family Christian Store, while the other two from the car went their own way. They're dating, and not a huge part of the story today, so I won't list their names. I'll just cover details as they're needed.

Not too much of interest in FYE, but there was a great Easter Sale going on at Family Christian Store and I picked up a few things. Mainly, great deals (like $6.99 or $8.99) on just about every cd in my now listening list below as I've listened through just about ever cd while typing this blog. I also picked up a Jeff Allen DVD. Testimony and comedy act. He is amazingly hilarious and has such a wonderful testimony. I believe his wife also shows up on the DVD, and since his testimony includes him destroying his family to the point where she moved out and they were 10 minutes from finalizing their divorce before things turned around on the long hard road of recovery. You'll enjoy him, I promise. Jeff Allen. Check him out.

We ate lunch there at the mall... I've been eating TONS of food lately. I've kind of been forcing myself, but still. From Chick-fil-A, I ate a 3 piece chicken strip meal, a bacon and cheese chicken sandwich, and half the box of fries.

We found our way to the amphatheatre where the concert would be and we met up with the others who left as I was arriving at the meeting place this morning. I sat there reading Twilight for a while, and then five of us went to walk around Pier Park.
It was fun.

Coming back to the concert, I soon realized that there was no Lincoln Brewster. It was completely a rap concert. I wasn't really too into that, but watched anyway. I separated myself from everyone else and moved back behind the crowd. It was plenty loud enough.

Lecrae was GREAT!!! He touched my heart and surprised me in a great way. His cd I bought there, after the concert.

Right as he started, he explained the title for his newest cd, "Rebel." He explained that typically this is a negative word, and I'll try my best to repeat his explaination as to how it became his album title.
Lecrae said a rebel is 'one who refuses allegiance to, resists, or rises against control or tradition. One who participates in organized resistance.' He was reading about the Israelites in the desert with Moses and read how they rebelled against God. But it wasn't that they hated God... that wasn't the rebellion. They didn't hate God, they loved sin. So they rebelled. They turned their backs on and resisted God and chased after what they loved and desired.
So then he explained that he was reading in the Psalms and David says "Goodness and mercy shall pursue me all of my days" (emphasis added). Lecrae said "Wai wai wai wai wai... Wait. Pursue? Now isn't pursue typically a negative word as well, as in something being hunted down?" So he decided that if David could flip around some words, surely he could as well.
So he said would rebel and become a rebel. If rebelling was simply turning your back and resisting while chasing after something you loved and desired...
Then he would chase after God and turn his back on sin. Redefining a repel as 'one who lives a lifestyle unashamed of Jesus Christ, no longer conforming to the patterns of this world.'

He then started with the performance of a song called Rebel Intro and a line caught my ear right there at the start. A VERY powerful line which I did my best to jot down. It was something close to:
"Jesus is the Truth, so one of us is VERY Wrong!"

It was amazing. The whole show he put on. Although he is a talented performer, I still didn't particulary enjoy the rap... but I absolutely LOVED the message he was offering. One song titled "Don't Waste Your Life" described how so many of us live our lives to make a paycheck or to reach a status, just seeking the approval of this world and to be rewarded with worldly things. The chorus was simply, and yet amazing. Simply repeating the title or some variation of it.

Although, what I've heard of the cd so far is quite well produced, his voice live was very rough and raw and probably just what I needed to hear.

Another message he gave between songs was that we are all in a 'hell', whether it be "fat people hell, boredom hell,..." those are the only two specifics I remember. They were the first two he listed. But he said we're all seeking... loking for that 10 minute wait loss magazine cover, or pills to lose weight, or alcohol or drugs or clubs to save us from our boredom. We are all seeking a "Functional Savior." Something that works as a temporary distraction.

I was nearly in tears at several points during his show.

He told a story about his family. He lived with two women; his wife, and his daughter of four months. Then he moved on to his one year-old son. He said his son was pathetic. He couldn't feed himself, change himself, move himself... He was just pathetic. Makes a mess of everything he tries to do on his own. But he was Great, 'positionally'. He had a Father who fed him, changed him, moved him in the right direction... So, opperationally, he was pathetic, but positionally he was set.
And so are we, pathetic. We can't do ANYTHING!!! But luckily... Positionally, we have a Father who knows everything we need and will take care of our every need.

How true, and how amazing.

I knew I wanted to go to that concert. I didn't know what forced me to make myself go... after debating with myself for a couple hours. I knew there was something I didn't want to miss.

There's more left on my heart to say, but I'll end simply with Happy Easter.
I shall return.