Real Life in Draft: 2006

Tuesday, December 5, 2006

So far away....

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood:

sad
Category: Life

And that's where I've been....

Sorry it's so far away....

2 Comments - 3 Kudos

elyse

I hope life has been wonderful for you. I miss your random comments on my blogs.

Posted by elyse on Friday, December 08, 2006 at 2:47 PM

Thursday, November 9, 2006

Would you bring your Isaac?

Blog from MySpace. Current mood: sleepy Category: Music

I was hanging out with Janell and Erika tonight (for a little while), and after we dropped Erika off, Janell went back to her house where my car was parked. I told her that I thought I would drive home in silence... My thoughts behind the silent trip home were: my prayers are boucing off the ceiling, music isn't helping me worship God, perhaps silence can help to bring me into focus. well, I lied..... When I got into the car, mewithoutYou was playing. The album: "Catch For Us The Foxes" The song: "The Soviet" What it had to say:

God is love and love is real, but the dead are dancing with the dead and though all that's charming disappears all things lovely only hurt my head as I gather stones from fields like pearls of water on my fingers ends and wrap them up in boxes, safe from windows, from things that break, as the night-time shined like day it saw my sorry face, hair a mess but it liked me best that way (Besides, how else could I confess? When I looked down, like if to pray, well I was looking down her dress...) Good God, please! Catch for us the foxes in the vineyard - The little foxes. Turn your ear, musician, to silence because they only come out when it's quiet, their tails brushing over your eyelids - Wake up, Sleeper, and rise from the dead! Or the fur that they shed will cover your bed in a delicate orange-ish cinnamon red, ah, I don't need this! I have my loves, I have my doubts. I don't need this.

And after having that to say... I thought on it....(Selah) I then jumped to As Cities Burn The album: "Son, I Loved You At Your Darkest!" The song: "Wake Dead Man, Wake" What this song had to say:

Let the dead bury their own dead. Will you still love me in famine, As when love began at the harvest? Or would you gain the whole world? Son, I loved you at your darkest. But what good is the whole world When I promise no tomorrow? I only promise your tomorrows Will never take you past my palm. Love, what is love without trust? At my word would you bring your Isaac? Son, I loved you at your darkest.

The importance? Sunday morning, Matthew 7:24-27 which is the parable of the wise and foolish men building their houses on the rocks and in the sand. Well, I was scanning through and something caught my eye in Matthew 8. "Let the dead bury their own dead."

Matthew 8:19-22

19 Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, "Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go." 20 Jesus replied, "Foxes have holes and birds of the air have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." 21 Another disciple said to him, "Lord, first let me go and bury my father." 22 But Jesus told him, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead."

I underlined two parts of this passage: "the Son of Man has no place to lay his head." and "let the dead bury their own dead."

In the song "In A Sweater Poorly Knit," by mewithoutYou, there is a verse that says:

You're a door-without-a-key, a field-without-a-fence You made a holy fool of me and I've thanked you ever since. If she comes circling back we'll end where we'd begun Like to pennies on the train track the train crushed into one Or if I'm a crown without a king, if I'm a broken open seed If I come without a thing, then I come with all I need No boat out in the blue, no place to rest your head The trap I set for you seems to have caught my leg instead! I do not exist only YOU exist

The reason I'm posting all this online.... I'm not sure... I was driving past my mom's office and it popped into my head to come post this blog... so here I am... I hope this blesses you. I have much homework to do, and a pounding headache... but I felt led to post this... So I hope that these thoughts bless you I pray that they do. Although, my prayers seem to be bouncing off the ceiling today... I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow. "Your Face Here" upon my heart with love Matthew Shane

Lord, If following You means living in constant motion, moving with You Lord. Living with no place to rest my head. I give it to You Lord. I give You my world. It will do me no good if I am not to survive the night. Lord I bring You my Isaac. And I can only pray that you are pleased and honored by my sacrifice. I offer up to You the things that I want most. My life is in Your hands. Amen

Currently listening : Brother, Sister By mewithoutYou Release date: By 26 September, 2006

2 Comments - 4 Kudos

Amanda Marie

Thank you so much for posting this Matt! It has truly blessed me. And this blog has also showed me how much you have changed in your faith. It is breath-taking! I can't wait to see you again whenever that is.

Posted by Amanda Marie on Thursday, November 09, 2006 at 8:21 AM

~Crystal~

I am so excited for you Matt! I remember when you didn't look at things quite this way...It was I too that let wordly things interfere with my relationship with God. We should so conduct a Bible Study!? What do ya think?

Posted by ~Crystal~ on Friday, November 10, 2006 at 11:35 AM

Wednesday, November 8, 2006

Focus!!! All I want is to want one thing!!!!!

Blog from MySpace. Current mood: sleepy Category: Life

Focus.....

"All I want is to want one thing" ~ mewithoutYou ~ I asked Mrs. Webb how I can be sure that I'm focusing on God before anything else. The answer (the best answer possible) was simple: Pray that God will be my focus. Invite God into everything I do. I want God to be the center of all my relationships... Friendships, Rivalries, Family, Strangers. I want God in every aspect of my life. I want Him to be in control. But I don't know what to do with myself while I'm not at the wheel. I feel like I'm not focused on Him. I pray that I am. I pray that I am. I pray that I am. Psalm 62

For the director of music. For Jeduthun. A psalm of David.

1 My soul finds rest in God alone; my salvation comes from him. 2 He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will never be shaken. 3 How long will you assault a man? Would all of you throw him down— this leaning wall, this tottering fence? 4 They fully intend to topple him from his lofty place; they take delight in lies. With their mouths they bless, but in their hearts they curse. Selah 5 Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from him. 6 He alone is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken. 7 My salvation and my honor depend on God ^[a] ; he is my mighty rock, my refuge. 8 Trust in him at all times, O people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge. Selah 9 Lowborn men are but a breath (vapor), the highborn are but a lie; if weighed on a balance, they are nothing; together they are only a breath (vapor). 10 Do not trust in extortion or take pride in stolen goods; though your riches increase, do not set your heart on them. 11 One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, 12 and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done.

Footnotes:

Psalm 62:7 Or / God Most High is my salvation and my honor

I am aware that I'm still allowed to have my own dreams and aspirations. But I feel.... guilty or selfish for having them. I feel like I'm not releasing everything to God. If I'm still holding on, saying "Lord, I really, really want this. Please fit this into Your will for my life" Or something like that. Am I allowed to ask for that? I'm not praying for a bad thing. I'm praying for companionship. I'm hoping for a life-long friendship. Is this wrong? How can I do anything for myself if I'm living for God? Lord, allow my motives to be right and true. Allow my thoughts to focus on You. Let Your will be my will one hundred percent. Let me smile and enjoy life more confident. Lord, I praise Your name There is no one like You Although this world may not understand my vices. You know them all too well And will not look down on me. Thank You, Lord for granting me the struggle of loving you. Thank You, Lord for Your patience for my constant falling Praise You, oh mighty God. "Your Face Here" upon my heart with love Matthew Shane

Currently listening : Vices By Dead Poetic Release date: By 31 October, 2006

3 Comments - 6 Kudos

~Crystal~

I'm praying for you and making that commitment to myself too! God is needed in all things!

Posted by ~Crystal~ on Wednesday, November 08, 2006 at 2:24 AM

elyse

Our relationship with God should not be based on feelings. That's a big mistake that Christians make today, I myself, have been guilty of it. We have to keep praying, keep meditating in the Word, even when we don't feel like it or feel as if we're not getting anything out of it. So keep reading, keep praying, keep meditating in the Word and eventually you'll be at a new spiritual level that you've never even dreamed of.

Oh, and don't feel bad for having dreams, goals, and hopes. Having dreams and goals is a wonderful thing. I have many dreams but I don't feel ashamed for them. "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." Psalm 37:4. I really don't think that God would put dreams, visions, and goals in our lives if he didn't want us to have them. So stay in the Word and God will reveal his will for you.

I love your writings too.

Posted by elyse on Wednesday, November 08, 2006 at 1:17 PM

Amanda Marie

I have this exact same problem, as do most other people. I shall be praying for you Matt! I haven't talked to you or seen you in awhile. Something new with me: I got into Southeastern University and hope to go there in the fall! What's new with you? As I said, I will be praying for you in this struggle and I myself will be working on the same thing as well. It's hard, but it's gonna be alright. =)

Love your sis,

Amanda

Posted by Amanda Marie on Wednesday, November 08, 2006 at 10:12 PM

Wednesday, November 1, 2006

Thank God! Praise God! Believe in God!

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood:

artistic
Category: Writing and Poetry

I don't have much time, so I won't explain these... but who needs that anyway... they're here for your opinions... not mine.
(These are all the writings in my new green memo pad... all of them so far)

10/20/06 (21:13)

Beat heart beat
Heart beat heart
Beat hard
Breathe slow
Breathe fast
Breathe deep
Breathe shallow
Touch
Don't touch
It's all so mechanical
It's a hot stove
I've been to boiling my blood before
It didn't cure anything but a lustful desire then either
Why should now be any different?
What is it, Lord, that I desire?
Beat heart beat
Heart beat heart
Beat hard
Breathe deep
Breathe fast
Breathe slow
Breathe shallow
Touch
Don't touch
A plan O so maniacal
Her clothes stay on
Her clothes come off
Her clothes get lost
Her clothes stay on / come off
Decide!
Don't play a game
There's not the time
Decide!
I want close
But not that close
I want to sit comfortably near the door
Close enough to feel the inner warmth
I don't want in
I don't want out
I don't want in
I want you out
Out of sight
Out of mind
But not so out of heart
Closed eyes
Closed mind
But the heart still beats
(Oh such a foolish lustful tune)
The heart still beats
(And my flesh still desires you)
Oh! Don't be fooled
Cut ties!!!
Best friends make even better enemies
So kiss me
And smile for me
Tell me that you'll wait for me
Hold me like you'll never let me go
But in the very next moment
I'll be gone
And I'll be convicted by every single photograph
No matter how poor the quality
It's outweighed by the quantity
And I'll pray forgiveness
And I'll beg for greatness
Strength to fight this unbeatable desire

10/30/06 (23:54)

Thank God I wasn't born on this day
Thank God I wasn't born on this day
Thank God I wasn't born
So selfish!!!
(let's celebrate)
Thank God!
Thank God!
So selfish!!!
I put myself to shame
And thank God I can wish myself
A very merry unbirthday
As I fail to die
(to myself)
{[(I was listening to Underoath's "Define The Great Line" if you want an idea of the type of tune or sound this might have in my head.)]}

10/31/06 (10:50) (11:01) (22:40)

Thank God I wasn't born on this day
Thank God I wasn't born
So selfish!!!
(let's celebrate)
Thank God!
Thank God!
So selfish!!!
I put myself to shame
Walking lonely through each day
Claiming I have faith
But collecting every burden
I find along the way
What good is it?
Not living life
But clinging to regret
What good is it?
Living life for death
What role does death play in life?
What part of God is dying?
You are Life
Why do I live for death?
Teacher,
How can I enter the Kingdom?
Teacher!
I lift up my eyes to you
Then too quickly
Look to my own feet to carry me
So proud
I fall on my face and glance around
And all the pretty
Little horses
They winnie
And I cry out
In silence
My God, My God I want this!
My God! My God!
So Selfish!!!
I put myself to shame
Cut out my tongue, I pray
And let me drown in the glory of such evil removed

10/31/06 (22:45)

Lord, pursue me I pray
I've been running circles within myself all day
I need to be found out
But I can't catch the culprit
I've run away with myself
Kidnapped by my own selfishness
I can't catch the culprit
'Cause I'm the one to blame
I'm so tired of chasing my own heart
God take me down
Loose me of this spirt of myself that I can't shake.

10/31/06 (23:45)

Lord,
Let my words
be pleasing
to your Heart
Amen.

Currently listening :
Vices
By Dead Poetic
Release date: By 31 October, 2006

5 Comments - 8 Kudos

Amanda Marie

That

Was

Beautiful.

Posted by Amanda Marie on Wednesday, November 01, 2006 at 9:49 PM

Austin AKA Crazy Rifle Monkey

This is amazing keep up the great work...

Posted by Austin AKA Crazy Rifle Monkey on Thursday, November 02, 2006 at 11:49 AM

~Crystal~

Those are awsome Shane!

Posted by ~Crystal~ on Thursday, November 02, 2006 at 10:24 PM

elyse

Those are amazing.

Posted by elyse on Friday, November 03, 2006 at 6:33 PM

Brianna

Amazing. Hard to descibe in other words. Keep it up.

Posted by Brianna on Sunday, November 05, 2006 at 4:23 AM

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

On a side note

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: Still hungry... going to eat...
Category: Writing and Poetry

Oh, just a few other things I'd like to share...

I ran out of paper... I finished my blue notepad... Now I'm on to Green...
But before I get to that... Here's what I ended with...

10/14/06 (15:07)
I built myself up
So proud of my shell
Blocking out every idea
Coming from everyone else
So proud to be unaffected by their words and thoughts
Standing on my own
Unbreakable
(Oh! I forgot....)
I've been broken now
For all the moments I can (or can't) recall
And for every time I wasn't alone
I was stealing life from someone else's throne
Where You sat in wait
Watching me pass by
So proud of myself
just to catch Your eye
Before I crept away again
To live my nonexistent life
me without You to be found in the spotlight

10/14/06 (16:51)
Lord
Let me look on men through your eyes
Let me not judge them, but love them through your eyes
Thank you Lord for your love and justice
Help me to control myself and keep from judging others, lest I be judged
I pray you bless me Lord.
Let me see this world through your heart and eyes, and help me to love so that you can judge.
Amen

10/16/06 (22:07)
Can you imagine the drunken tongue I'd run with?
Oh, the vulgar things I'd say!
The angry things stored up inside
Will they ever go away?
Where's the root?
Where's the heart?
Where's the source of all this pain?
God forgive me
I'm at it again
Cursing friends beneath my breath
Man forgive me
I'm at it again
God forget me
"Stay away!"
I am the sinfullest of men
So selfish
So proud
So hateful
So greedy for love
The one good thing I've found
God spread yourself around
I've failed
I've fallen
I'm walking out the door

Goodnight