The "Little" Things

So here are just several little things I've been thinking about.
I've wanted to blog each, but I don't like posting a bunch of small pointless blogs. So here I'll post one medium sized, slightly pointless blog.

First... I keep thinking...

My friend Lauren is getting Married... I was so surprised!!! I'm happy for her. It's just funny thinking that we're old enough for that... I mean, I've dreamed of being married for as long as I can remember. But now it's getting to the point where my friends are actually getting married... It's just a shock. My friend Amanda is in a steady going relationship... I'm happy for her too.
I thought I had that relationship. The serious one that was leading to marriage... I keep wondering if Melanie's okay. I keep thinking of when we met, and when we dated... When I sit and think about it, she really did hurt me. Usually, I just kind of laugh it off... it's been so long ago, truly. I think it's like hitting your funny bone.
So I guess my heart has a funny bone too...

I keep thinking of clever little one liners for poems, or just a couple lines, but I haven't really written too many full poems lately.

Sometimes... Well... Anyway. I'm thinking lately, that... Well, I don't want to be single, but the people I'm interested in are either... Well, there's one girl, but she's in a relationship... So I won't even go there... I've been that stupid before, and I'm not doing it again. Then there's another girl... She's... well... I suppose there's nothing wrong with being attracted to her, but I just... Maybe I... You know how you just have that feeling that if you wait, something will pass by? Well, I just feel like I don't know her all that well, and it seems she still has some growing up to do (but then, don't we all?). It's weird being interested in someone younger than you are. I feel... I mean, she's 4(ish) years younger than me... but still, I feel awkward about that. I don't know... And then... Well, you'd figure a church would be a great place to meet a girl, well... I think-- not so much! Sure, they're all nice and fun and beautiful. But there are... I don't know how to put it. I mean I'm at church for God... If a girl there catches my eye... is that bad??? How does that work? {I think of mewithoutYou-- "(Besides, how else could I confess? When I looked down like if to pray, well I was looking down her dress...) Good God, Please! Catch for us the foxes in the vineyard"} Not that that's what I'm doing... but I still feel like there's something wrong about meeting a girl in church... Like... "Catch for us the foxes... that ruin our vineyards... our vineyards that are in bloom." I'm there for God. So if something just happens... it happens, but I shouldn't be looking for it, or trying to help it along... right?
There seem to be so many unwritten rules... but maybe these rules I keep thinking aren't really there... I don't know. Do you?

I'm really glad to be getting back to church. I'd really hate to mess it up by... messing up again (mutter: "stupid melanie"). I like having God as my focus.

WOMEN!!!! (who needs 'em?)

Well... I guess the last thing I've been thinking about is this party...
I guess all I can say is I hope people come. I guess it's rather selfish of me to think "What if these people come, but not those?" To prefer some people being there over others...???
But isn't that natural... Wanting your closest friends to be there, but kind of worrying that it will just be a bunch of people you don't really know too well...
Ehh... I'm not going to worry about it.

That's what I've been telling myself. Each time I wanted to post one of these blogs... I'm not going to worry about it.

I did write something this morning. It's not really what I wrote that mattered, but what I was thinking.
Because I was thinking: I've been writing poetry for a while... nearly six years now, I guess. Well, what have I really been though in those six years? Up until just recently, I haven't really known any real pain, have I? But after being hit by the pain, all my views and writings changed. I'm not so depressed about things now... I'm always smiling. I don't let myself get depressed now... or at least I try not to. But why?
What's so different from now and then?
Why is it that now that I've felt pain that I can't write about it?

That's all.

Matthew Shane E.

Currently undefined: With Arrows With Poise By: Myriad Release date: 2008-05-13

Coming Along (the party update)

I just wanted to let everyone know...
I've been working my tail off cleaning for this party on the 19 and 20, so you'd better come!!! With that said... I have a few updates.

Starting with times... You can show up any time you'd like. I'm actually hoping Austin will make it on Wednesday night (18th). Hopefully some others among you will be willing to spend the night as well. As you can see, I have plenty of couches, two of which fold out into beds. I have lots of blankets, and if you'd like to stay up all night, I don't mind that either. I have two other bedrooms, one bed other than my own. And I will sleep on the floor if enough people come out and spend the night, but I'm thinking that's unlikely... (I hope I'm in for a good surprise though).

Next... The morning of the 20th. I want to make waffles. Not because I work at Waffle House, but because I have a waffle maker that I never get to use. So be there for that!!!

Smashball... Well... We'll carpool to Graceville. It will rock. That's about all I can predict for that... This is a great game for both guys and girls. You don't have to be extremely athletic to enjoy it. You'll love it. That's all I can promise. :-)

And finally... A new addition to the party... I've decided to end day 2 at Meet Me At Luigi's. A dinner and a show fund raiser for Ignite, the youth group of the church I go to.

I'm going to see if I can borrow my sister's tv for a day, just to have a bigger tv, but if not, no problem, mine will do fine.
Also, the pool at her house is up, so bring you swim suits.

So... That's about it for now... I really need to get to sleep now.
Feel free to contact me for directions. I live on Larkspur Circle, Marianna, FL, 32446. It's the first house on the left. Very VERY easy to find. :-)

Please, please, PLEASE come!!! Even if you can't stay long, just come to say hi. I'll be happy. I really have been working really hard to clean and organize and prepare for this, so please come. I'm doing this for all of you, so I really hope you'll come. I still have more work to do, but I'll be ready, and we'll have a blast! I promise! :-)

Matthew Shane E.

A Quick re-Organization

So... I know this is rather unbelievable, but I was fired Saturday morning.

:-)
Isn't that great?!?!?!

I don't know if my alarm went off or not, but I accidentally slept in and was about an hour late for work. So... To everyone's great disappointment, I was fired.
No biggie... I was hired today. :-)

It's a long story to try to explain, and my computer is starting to freak out... I can only run it for so long before it starts freezing every few seconds... :-(

But I'll try.
I feel like God was opening a door for me.

I had been asking for night shifts... I wasn't getting many of them... I had been asking for Sunday mornings off... I wasn't getting it...
The job was good enough. I was content. But now I see that that was my problem. I was only content. I needed to get moving on something bigger, and I wasn't doing it.
So... Now I've got that start of motion.

Waffle House isn't necessarily a step up, but it's an improvement. Ruby Tuesday was a bad influence on me, and I went into it with my heart in the wrong place. Now I'm trying to make sure I have my heart in the right place. Waffle House will be harder work, but I'm looking forward to it. I'm excited. I applied for nights. I'll have Sunday Mornings and Wednesday nights off. I will be making an effort to get involved with my church. I've already arranged to set up a meeting with the pastor. I'm not sure why... it was just on my heart Sunday, to talk to him, and maybe get some direction, or something.

And on top of all of this... I've had a cd for over a month now, and I just listened to it for the first time Saturday night. It was PERFECT!!!!!

It is the Theme Song to my starting over.

The Afters - "Never Going Back to OK"

It's not the end
But it feels like it is
I'm waking up
Like I'm back from the dead
I'm stepping out
And I feel so afraid
But as long as I'm moving it's all right

I feel alive
And it hurts for a change
And looking back and it's hard to believe
That I was cool
With the days that I wasted complacent and tasteless and bored but
That was yesterday

We're never going back to OK
We're never going back to easy
We're never going back to the way it was
We’re never going back to OK

This discontent
Like a slap in the face
Of mediocre
I've had enough of this place
This party's over
And I'm moving away from the frills of you Beverly Hills but that was yesterday

We're never going back to OK
We're never going back to easy
We're never going back to the way it was
We’re never going back to OK

We're here to stay
This is our time
Our only life
Our chance to live

We're never going back to OK
We're never going back to easy
We're never going back to the way it was
We’re never going back to OK

Currently Listening: Never Going Back to OK By: The Afters Release date: 2008-02-26