Resolving (in keeping to the Minor keys)

I want to blog. So I blog.

End of story.

Do you ever find yourself in a situation where you don't want to resolve?
Of course the rules say, "the 'E-A-B' resolves to the 'E-G#-B.'" Sure, it makes sense when you hear it, but who says? Maybe in some alternate universe the 'E-G#-B' actually resolves to the 'E-A-B.'

Why do we have to resolve?
Who says it needs to be beautiful in accordance with someone's standards of beauty?
Why can't things just be the way we want them to be?


As far as resolving goes... Here goes:

I am done. Do you know how pathetic love is? How pathetic close friendships are? Perhaps I'm far too selfish in asking for personal time with my friends, but if that's the case, here's the cure:

NO close and personal FRIENDS!!!

It does no good to have friends. Either I have to listen to everyone else tell stories of their lives, or they have to avoid listening to me telling stories of mine.
Here in lies the beauty of this blog.
I can say whatever the ... I want and you don't have to listen. You don't have to read, and you don't have to give me feedback.

Some people actually do read what I have to say. Can you believe it??? You're one of those few.

Ever felt like you weren't unique? Ever felt like you were just average and didn't stand out in a crowd. Well, for what it's worth, I guarantee you that if you find yourself in a crowd of people, 99.9% of the time, you'll the only one in the crowd who reads this blog.
Are you better for it??? Am I?

Eh...?!

So I can't hang out or spend time with the people I want to.

Resolution #1: Leave EVERYONE and EVERYTHING behind.
Do you ever wish you had someone or something to miss?
I've already been pulled and separated from anyone whom loved as a friend or otherwise. There is no one left to lose that isn't already at such a great distance that it doesn't matter.
It's like saying that Pi (π) is 3.14159265358979323846…If I simply say it's 3.14... will it really make that big a difference?

Sure, I have friends, and plenty of people I'd love to hang out with... But for whatever reason, be it distance, school/work/scheduled obligations, time, WHATEVER... I RARELY ever get to spend quality time with any of them. When I do, I don't want to burden them with the whole "Oh, my life sucks, I miss them so much, I'm so lonely" speech. Why bother!!!???

Resolution #2: NO MORE ROMANCE (or hoping for in the so common instances of the "lack-there-of")
This goes hand-in-hand with the friendship thing. No one seems interested in quality time or getting to know me, so screw it!!! I'm done. You don't want to know me, Fine! I'm not going to do back flips trying to impress you.
That phrase, "Nice guys finish last." Well in today's society it's simply "nice guys are queer" (by any standard definition or slang of the word). I don't meant to say it in a derogatory tone, but do you know how often I get that???

"So Matt, I hear you're gay."
"Matt, have you ever considered that maybe you're gay?"

Oddly enough, if I was gay, I probably wouldn't have any problem getting myself into a steady relationship. But I'm not gay, so... Screwed I am.

And speaking of being screwed...

"If you can't beat 'em, join 'em." Right???
Well, being a single, non-parent, hard working, employed, >3.5 GPA College Student seems to be an open invitation... no, A Bull's-eye, if you will... for the government, right on my rear end.
"NO LUBE" as a friend from Ruby Tuesday used to say. :-)
I know that's not a very pretty image... but just think... I'm having to live it. You're just thinking about it.

So anyway, now maybe the government can do something for me, and at the same time, I can do something productive for the world.
You know why I'm excited about the Air Force?

Because it gets me out of here. It takes me away.
Ever been spoiled??? Ever wonder what it's like to be without???
I've gone from spoiled to being without... and you know what??? I was STILL SPOILED!!! I AM still spoiled.

I HATE IT!!!

Well, this blog has turned out to be completely useless.

I can't even express myself anymore. I wanted to express how all my friends are gone. If they want me, I don't want them, and if I want them, they don't want me. For the most part, that's how it works these days (with a few exceptions.)
I wanted to discuss how I'm sick of "love" and "romance" and "crushes" and "romantic interests." Don't try to tell me that you understand. You don't.
I have friends that are getting married... a cousin who is three months older than me is getting married, and I just found out. I don't even know who the girl is. My younger sister is engaged. But you know what... I don't even want it anymore. I want someone who... I want a relationship that is so close that... I just thought of it. mewithoutYou "Bullet to Binary"

Let us die, let us die. And dying we reply, "don't you tell us about your suffering, NO, look in our eyes, look in our eyes." Let us be, let us be! Our closeness is such, that wherever she rests her head, in the softness underneath, she'll feel me. And you will feel me!
When you laugh, you'll feel my breath there, filling up your lungs. And when you cry, those aren't your tears, but I'm there falling down your cheek. And when you say you love him. Taste me, I'm like poison on your tongue. But when you're tired, if you're quiet, you'll hear me singing you to sleep.

I wanted that closeness that defined a man and woman as two halves of one being. But who would ever want to be the other half of me? Another mewithoutYou line... "I'd never want someone so crass as to want someone like me, but a few leagues off the shore, I bit a flashing lure and I assure you, it was not what I expected it to be." So perhaps... the surrender of the ending of that song is the best that I can do... "'I do not exist' we faithfully insist while watching sink the heavy ship of everything we knew. If ever you draw near I'll hold up high a mirror. Lord, I could never show you anything as beautiful as you." And those two quotes are part of the song "Messes Of Men"

They are by far, my favorite band to quote.

I was up all night working, and I have to work another ten hour shift tonight, so I need to be going. So for the ending of the terrible blog, here is a poem I've been writing.

I will post it in a separate blog so that people who don't read this ridiculous blog might still see it.