Real Life in Draft: A Forgotten State

Okay, so it's been a long time, and here's the proof.

Don't expect much of anything good. I haven't written much that I thought was good in quite some time.

ALL NEW!!! Well, none of these have been posted ever before, but that doesn't make them "new." My last blog posted was August first, so this is all stuff you probably haven't seen.

08/05/07 (11:25)
I make it up as I go
I go along
Surrounded by friends not meant
To take my hand
So I make it up as I go
As I go alone.

08/10/07 (01:09)
After all of the years
Spoken in silence
We did all that we could
We had to find it
They told us
"Dig it out! Dig it out!
You must find it!
And when you do
It'll make us look righteous
It'll make us"
They said
(And I found myself selfish)
We found the black depths
The corners of the human heart
But what makes me any better
When we've all been set apart
How can we fight a common enemy
When we're standing upon one another
I've sold my blade to the back of my brother.
Dig it out! Dig it out!
After all they've told us
I'm afraid they'd have sold us
It'll make us all righteous
But I just want you behind us.
I want your evil
Knocking on my doors no more.
No more rattling my windows
The blinds are closed to you.
My heart is closed
And after all that we've earned
Won't you come home
Won't you come home
We've spared nothing on designing
Your room is oh so inviting
And after all that we've earned
All that we've earned.
Isn't this more precious than the kindest heart?
We "The Murdered" don't have the fight to stop
So fill your pockets with gold
Line the streets
Go pave your roads
Line the streets
Go pave your roads
And after all that we've earned
Won't you come home?
Come home?
Come home?
And after all that we've...
Didn't we make it home
Is it not enough for you?
Didn't we make it home
For you?
Am I not merciful?
Am I not merciful?
Am I not so caught up in
Making my world
Perfect for you to
Feel right at home
Am I not merciful?
That I let you live
As a guest in my house
Am I not too generous?
Am I not merciful?
Have I not made this home?
After all that we've earned
With our hearts so cold
After all that we've earned
What have we done?
What have we really done?
(01:31 finished)

08/12/07 (03:00) I'm depressed So what It's just a minor set back You'll never know about it. I'm alone You don't care You know all about it And it's no concern of yours. What reason do I have? It's still just a minor set back What's reason got to do with it? Just think it out? Maybe logically you'll fix yourself? No, this isn't right The ground shouldn't hold My focus tonight But I'm better off without you Than all alone I'm better off without you So maybe I'm a little depressed Don't bother asking (It's not like you) I'll sort it out And I'll be done with (you) I'm going to sort it out No, this isn't right The ground shouldn't hold My focus tonight But I'm better off without you Than all alone I'm better off without you Than on my own Y-O-U are (Why? Oh, you are) Spells liar L-I-A-R Spells friend If you care to keep friends, honestly You should try to give them honesty But since you don't really care L - O - V - E You shouldn't have to lie so quietly No, this isn't right The ground shouldn't hold My focus tonight But I'm better off without you And on my own I'd rather be without you Than all alone. And yeah, it's a bit depressing But you'll never know about it If you don't care That's fine I'll never talk about it I shouldn't There's no reason there So I'll stare at the floor Keep my eyes on the door But I know you're not coming back And this hurts twice as much As it did before. (03:41 finished)

08/14/07 (09:58) Weigh out your accomplishments // And I'll set mine // High upon this scale // So unattainable // Built by human hands // To tell the glory of // All the things we've done. // So set aside the scale // Tell us of how righteous you are // Stand firm, and oh so proud // Preaching on all the wrongs you've overcome. // Oh so proud // Is this humbling yourself? //I'll never know // But I'll see you in Hell // Our just 'deserts' // Measured by the scales // Weighing in below the bar // Don't tell me what you think you know // I've dealt with this before // And not even I know // What destruction I deserve. (10:31 finished)

Affairs of the State 08/27/07 (09:07)

Listening: Circa Survive "The Difference Between Medicine and Poison Is In the Dose"

Tearing at the seams I'm unraveling The hinges no longer squeak As I glide in and out of my frame, My place of belonging It's only just a state A forgotten state of mind Oh, but back to the hinges, If you will They've come undone And the frame has begun it's decay A long slow process It keeps me from going insane But isn't that only just a state? A forgotten state of mind I'll try it again I'll try it again Maybe just one more time I'll write it down again Don't ever change a thing But expect the results won't be the same Over and over again It's a long slow process To keep me from going insane But I think it's done I think it's over I traveled beyond the map's end And what did I find? What did I lose? Where are we going as we dance over rooftops And ally ways Deserted beaches And infinite space But I forget It's only just a state And I'm only a state away

(wow, I didn't write anything for a month... and this really isn't much...)

09/28/07 (4 in the MORNING!) Grab that phone, keep it close, Wouldn't want to miss a call from whomever you love the most...

Play Station 10/22/07 (04:24) I'm lonely But it's not just any company I need it's burning My heart, my eyes My twiddled thumbs aside. (I've) Got what it takes It's gonna take you outta here Got what it takes I've got the 'X's and 'O's Love triangles Empty sheets and empty beats Counting down to one-way streets Dead ends going down on me At the cul-de-sac Where I wanna be Round and round I know that it's right there But of all the shapes I'm playing Only option Left And I'm a square. (after watching the Wedding Crashers, idea was from the PlayStation video game controller)

11/02/07 (22:41) Keep your eyes open Oh! Have you been searching? Keep an eye out for me. Focus your eyes upon yourself! Focus your eyes... Your eyes so far away. Keep your eyes open OH! Have you been searching? Keep an eye out for me! Focus on yourself! Focus on your Hell! Sit down Slow the heart beats Calm yourself Breathe... Breathe... Deep!

11/28/07 (01:26)
Traffic's at a stand-still
Don't you close your eyes
Don't you want to know how this began?
Everything that ends...
Every ending...
Everything that ends...
... Begins
THIS IS A SHIPWRECK!!!

Black Friday 11/20/07 (21:47) This day is black // but it burns... // This day is black // The sun burns my eyes // As it rises // above the crowds // ...look down // The passers-by. // The witnesses to my demise. //The leeches... // The leeches to feed off the flies.

12/09/07 (21:52) The thought dances across my mind // Like a smooth stone // On a glassy pond // But then it sinks down... into blackness. // "I hope I don't die" // It comes, // Faster than it is forgotten // Because the black thoughts haunt me // That I really didn't mean it.

12/09/07 (22:00) The thought dances across my mind // Like a polished stone // On a glassy surface // But then it sinks down... // Into the crushing blackness. // "I hope I don't die" // It comes fast, but is hardly forgotten // In oblivion it stirs and echoes // Haunting me // Because I really don't mean it.

12/19/07 (19:53) So afraid What happens to me? So afraid Of what happens to be... The hardest thing Is knowing how to love Knowing what love is And when it's the proper moment to shine. And so the question will arise What is love? Okay, I'm tired. I'll get the rest caught up later. This is more than enough to hold you over... Probably way too much... Thank you if you read all the way down to here.