A Great Desire

Hello everyone (who happens to read this)

I have really been wanting to post lately. Fill you in on life, tell of my adventures, express my great love and excitement to be back in school and my great dread of every day (night) I have to work.

I have no idea where to start though.

I have no desire to sit here at the computer typing up a message, and even less of a desire to type it up on my phone. So here I am.
It's all for you because I surely don't want to be here right now.

Although I really do have a great desire within me to share.

So...
School is awesome! I'm a lab assistant for the Physics professor who is also the first science teacher I had out here at Chipola. I don't know if you remember my blog from way back when... Fall of 2005. He's the one with the balding mullet... Very awesome!!!

Well, being the Doc's lab assistant got up to $900 of classes paid for. Originally I was just going to take a computer class, and two piano classes--all together they came to $400 exactly. I signed up for those three classes, and paid for them myself. Then that afternoon, I signed into being the lab assistant. The next day I went back up to the school to add two more classes.

The school wasn't happy with me. I have my AA, and I'm taking classes with no chosen major, so that just makes the school not like me.
So I decided I'd go ahead and just choose the business major. Chipola just started a four year business program, so I can still stay here.
The two classes I added were Economics and Accounting.
This gave me 11 credit hours for about $865. Since 12 hours is full time, and I can get a discount on my car insurance because of that, I added a Current Affairs class which is only worth one hour. My total bill was $935. I only had to pay $35 of that.

So, I love Economics. The teacher's just AWESOME and it's a really fun class.
It's almost sad that I love learning so much...
Anyway, there's also this really cute girl in my economics class. And that's a really poor description of her. She's GORGEOUS!!! And the sound of her voice is just great. And I've been trying to find a way to catch up with her (she peels rubber getting out of class... and I'm always the last to leave... I'm working on it). I really just want to talk with her and be her friend. Get to know her and see "who" she is. She seems like a really fun person though.

Enough about that though, I also LOVE my piano classes. I am so excited to be playing again. I wish I had never stopped, but I was forced to play when I was little, and my teacher was really a jerk because I always forgot to leave math class for my lessons. So I was interested in math all the way back in 8th grade.... Sorry.

The accounting class is okay. I'm not particularly fond of the professor. I don't think he does a particularly good job teaching. We had our first test today, and I got by half of it because of things I remembered learning in Economics class... so.... that doesn't seem too good.
There were things I didn't understand how to do, and reading the book didn't help because the professor does them differently, and it's all just... weird.
When he told us to read whatever chapters... it was in a tone of suggestion, as in "it really helps if you read the book." But really, I see now that we HAVE to read. Because he doen't cover everything that's on the test. And then on top of that... whatever we've learned in the book, we then have to relearn according to the way he prefers it. Which is really crappy, because he skips steps... Ever had trouble with a math problem, so you write out ALL the steps to make sure you don't miss anything? Well, he teaches with those steps cut out... so I don't know what's missing and what's not, and I don't know how to check... It's really annoying. I'm going to talk to him about it though. I was thoroughly enjoying the class until today when I realized he wasn't teaching all that we needed to know for the test.
It's almost like he's saying "read the book and I'll help explain the way I do what it says." It's not at all like he's actually teaching... it ticks me off.

Lastly is Current Affairs, which I'm VERY glad is only one day a week. The professer is an extremely opinionated Democrat. We're supposed to discuss what's going on in the news, but with the way she says things... I feel that I have no way to state my opinion, and that's my grade right out the window because it's based on participation.
I'm quite open and comfortable talking in any of my other classes, but that one... ugh... it's hard to get anything out.
She was going on about how Gov. Palin had called women dogs simply because she claimed the difference between a hockey mom and a pit bull was lipstick. She is NOT calling women dogs. At it's worst, one could say she's calling Hockey moms dogs, but I don't think that at all. I believe she's saying that Hockey moms are simply tough and scary, and they need to be to put up with hockey players.
I saw an article about the "lipstick" comments in USA Today today, and I have the paper at home. I'm going to read it as soon as I finish posting this and get home.

Lastly (again) is my computer class. Not much to say there. I get to sit next to my friend Chris. She is yet another AWESOME person that I've met. We had Astronomy together over the summer. She's homeschooled and duel enrolled at the college, and she's VERY, VERY smart.
Her mom is awesome. Often times they take me out to lunch, which her mom keeps buying for me. I greatly appreciate it, but I feel bad about it. I'd like to be able to treat them every once in a while, but usually what happens is I suggest the place, and she buys the food.
I love them both. They super cool!!! (even though that sounds really lame).
Chris might read this, so just in case, she needs to know that I am immensly grateful for her help on the Science Club Poster, and I'm really sorry she got sick that day. And she's just plain spectacular and I'm really glad that I got to meet her.

Now before my battery dies I have just a little more to say.

First, if I haven't mentioned it, I have a new roommate. His name is Christopher, and he's another really great guy (I always seem to be surrounded by amazing people... isn't that amazing!!!).
I've been riding my bike at the park for the past three nights (at least...) and enjoying almost every minute of it (feeling the bugs pelt me all over and stick to my arms is not so enjoyable... but...).

I wrote this while riding at the park at sunset today. There are various strange references in it... so it probably doesn't make sense... but it comes from a conversation between Dr. Bodart (Physics Professor) and myself earlier this afternoon, before I went to the park. I explained the conversation... well, the mentionings of cities below the poem, but I like the mystery of it without understanding what it's talking about.

09-11-08 (18:58)
It's too hot
The sun beats down too hot
The cloud cover just temporary
Relief
September in St. Louis
It's just not the way it was
The way I remember
And we'll be hitting Houston
And I'm so scared
The sun is going down
And I'm so scared
Between the dim light and the shadows
I recall
A September in St. Louis
When I was young
And this just never is
The way it was
The way it was...
The way it was...
The moon sharing the sky with the sun
And I'm so scared...


Dr. Bodart's from St. Louis, and not used to it being this hot in September, and Hurricane Ike is supposed to hit Houston tomorrow (I think). So that's that. Wasn't it better with the Mystery to it?

Now this I wrote a couple days ago. It was strange inspiration, but it came from the thought that I will never produce anything new. Any poem that I ever write will always be something that has been within me since I was born. Ever watch a movie, and then watch it again, and see something totally different and new that you didn't see before. Well, that's what I was trying to express. I've also been feeling overwhelmingly inspired to write. Overwhelming because there is just so much I want to write that I can't focus on one simple thing to write. So... here it is.
"Hope you hate it." (Reese Roper)

09-07-08 (21:35)
I feel like a storm drain
Overflowed with debris
Trash and beauty found a way
To waste me away
And in my simplest state
I've come to see
I'm merely a painting
Everything ever "produced" has been within me from the start
Who now should we praise?
The sculptor or the art?

With Love
You're with Stupid
Matthew Shane

Did I mention the girl in my Economics class??? I'm going to talk to her. I will.

Long Lost...

08/11/08 (20:21)
Thinking I've been seeing people that I know
In a city that I don't
After three long years
I still feel like a ghost.

08/23/08 (18:03)
I'm no stranger to the unknown
But she's a stranger to me
I'm too old now
To not have a home
But if I did
I'd just wanna leave

I want outta this life
I want to be free
I'm no stranger to the unknown
Than a songbird that never sings
I want outta this life
I want to be free
I'm no stranger to the unknown
But she's a stranger to me

I've been writing letters with a ghost
I replies in simple terms
Never more than a desire to see the coast
But I've been land locked now, so long it hurts

08/28/08 (21:32)
Circling around
For just another glimpse of an angel
You're gorgeous
And I'll never have another chance to say so
You're beautiful
And after all the bridges have fallen down
This will still {always?} be your song
And I'll have sung it just for you
All along.



And... I think I'm going to step out and do something crazy... I'm going to ask her. Nothing serious. I'm simply going to ask her if (probably if she's single first... So as not to cause problems) but then I'll ask if she wants to hang out.

None of this was written about her... I just thought I'd share my plan anyway.

Matthew Shane

Currently Listening: Thriving Ivory By: Thriving Ivory Release date: 2008-08-26

Clear Mirrors On Dark Days

Some days, you can dance and sing, and make faces... You can convince yourself of just about anything. Some days you are fully confident in your ability to be an idiot.

You have no doubt what-so-ever that one day your idiocy could very well change the world...



Other days, you wish there weren't mirrors. Every time you walk past, your mood darkens as you realize what you're seeing when you're left with nothing to think but...

Gosh... What an idiot...



It seems strange to read I Corinthians 13:12. Some things we can't see so clearly... Sometimes we're seeing things through darkened glass, waiting for the day that things will clear up and we'll understand.

Am I merely a poor reflection, as seen in a mirror? It seems so clear and to the point.

I wish I could see... Who am I supposed to be? Why is everyone so far away?



Where am I???

(I ask peering into the mirror)

Where is me???

"My rage... My pain... I hate my darkest days." ~Stabbing Westward~



Clear Mirrors, Darkened Glass, and the Darkest of Days

Currently Listening: Darkest Days By: Stabbing Westward Release date: 1998-04-07