Liars and Thieves

I miss friends. You know... Those people who were always there.
Do you remember those days when he knew he'd be the best man at my wedding, no question? Those days when I actually believed I'd get married.
It doesn't matter now, I suppose. I guess it never really did. But that's what I'm tired of. All the things that don't matter. All that we waste our lives on.

Such as this blog. Mindless self-indulgence. Selfish squabble over why I did, or didn't get my way, and what can and can't be done about it.
Quickly, someone, fetch the straight jacket.

Marriage is meant for the faithful and love is made for the lovely. Both of which, I am not.
And who's to argue and to what point and purpose? "The Pearl is gone."

So, to be done with it all.
When I started typing this, it was the twenty-second of October. That just happened to be Melanie's birthday. Who remembers such things, and why?
Happy Birthday, by the way. To you and your sister both.
I've been asking myself as of late... How do I know if I've forgiven her? Is it ever possible? I don't care very much for the thought of carrying her around for the rest of my life. And then be raised the questions... Have I forgiven myself? Is it ever even possible? But again, to what point and purpose? "The Pearl is gone."

And so again, we move on. On to the friends... On to the liars and the thieves. On to the lasting darkness.
You see, I no longer have friends. There are plenty of people that I love in this life, but there is no time spent between them and me as to which I still hold claim to calling them friend. "It's so close, but we're so far away."
And all that remains are the liars and thieves. Those who steal and cheat away our time.
Leaving us in darkness. To them I give no more... I will waste no time on love and lust and lies. I will seek after no more friendships, whether they be old and forgotten or new and undefined. There is no value to it. "The Pearl is gone," as it were.

I shall become the ghost I always should've been. I once left the ghostly life... Grew a shadow and took physical form among people whom I called friends. But they've long forgotten me, and I can't replace them.

So what do you know of silence? I know that it is a language long forgotten and I've spoke too little as of late, but I'll embrace it's ways again. Because there is no one to talk to, and there is no desire to speak.

I once dreamt of holding comfort in my arms, just as I was held as comfort in hers, but I've come to see that it is not real. There is no comfort to be found in those arms that would not be needed if it were not for those arms being found in the first place. If stress from one life can be carried by one, then who needs the stress from two lives to share with a wife?

Remember me.
(or not... It makes little difference.) The Pearl is still gone.