| [ | mood | | |  Logiclessness? Summer? School? | ] |
| [ | music | | | (I want to be listing to:) Copeland - 'No One Really Wins' | ] |
Well, I have been having trouble finding time to get into my mom's office to update this first of all. And second, I haven't wanted to deal with the task of documenting everything that I've missed. So I decided I wouldn't. I'm just going to start from here. For the most part. With a few comments on what you've missed.
Getaway was great. Thanks for the amazing time there. Next, thanks to everyone. This has been the best birthday I have ever had. First was the surprise party from my youth group on my actual birth date, the 15th. Then was the Swing Dancing party. Thanks to Jon and Jon for teaching me the backflip. Thanks to Brianna and her brother for helping me with it, and thanks to Megan for trusting me with it. And thanks to Lui for the great fun with it. "So, how's this work?!" I miss all you guys so much. I'm sorry to everyone at the party on the 15th. I don't think I seemed too surprised, and I didn't think I was, but when I got home that night, the shock wore off, and I realized that I had been in shock all day. I was really really surprised. Thank you guys so much. Oh, and Lauren, I claim more than one dance with you, since you were at Murray Hill an entire swing night and didn't dance with anyone. We WILL dance.
And now for the writings from this absent period.
I know some of these don't make any sense because they're so short and I'm not explaining them. I'm basically putting on here anything I wrote in my notepad... which really isn't much at all as you can tell by the spread out dates and the short writings. I've had a lot of ideas lately, I just need to 1, start writing them down, and 2, organize them. Looking at the bright side, I have still kept my writing absence under ten days. It was at nine the last I broke the silence (06/17 to 06/26).
These first three are from Getaway
06/02/05
Be my distraction
06/03/05
It obviously shows that I have some strength
Because I held onto you
Even if for the short time that it was
But in the end
You're just too strong to be held back for too long.
{and I'm going to add these next two lines to it right now, I wrote these on 04/09/05}
Spread your wings MNM
Their beautiful colors will bless this world
06/06/05
And oh the night we crawled in line
Our bellies down
And the sand in our eyes
I think they wanted our cries
"I can do all things through Christ"
'Beautiful Wet Paint'
They used to describe
That 'wretched' scent
That I actually liked (this line just added 06/27/05)
So start a fire in our hearts
Turn out stomachs at the height
Oh, the sight!
Rip our pedestals out from underneath us
Lay us on our faces
Where we should be in your graces
Why do we ask 'Why?'?
When we could be asking 'What?'
"What is it I can do to help me to serve you?"
When our hearts have been laid down to rest
And our bodies relieved
The organs we didn't need
Oh, when all I want is to want one thing
That could be the day
Oh that could be the day...
I'm freed
06/09/05 (15:18)
My heart looks whole with spider legs
But every breath I take it breaks
06/11/05
There comes a time
When we have to stop just knowing
Let's act our age
And not our shoe size
Let's start doing what we know is right
06/13/05
So what you say
"It's okay,
It's only human pride"
But what am I?
What am I?
Looking from my own eyes
I am nothing in myself
There is nothing I can do
On my own
On my own
I am far from you
06/17/05 (15:11) (funny that I wrote this in the middle of the day...)
I don't thing that I can sleep tonight
It doesn't matter
How tired I am
How tired I am!
Cause it's just me
And my lonely heart
I can't let go
The silent song of night
This static lullaby
Cause it's just me
And my lonely heart tonight
So I'll let go of life (love)
This haunting static lullaby
Keep me up tonight
06/26/05 (01:14)
Shh... Don't tell him that I love him
Don't whisper even now
He has ways of hearing voices
We must keep it a silent secret somehow
Ahh {gasp}... Girl you're gonna kill him
Can't you see his vigor fade
He would wait for you forever
But I guess, until you're both ready, you must wait
Ohh {sigh/scream}... I can't tell you what I'm seeing
I'm at a loss for words
Her expression is so moving
Why must these happy thoughts so hurt?
Shh... Don't let him hear us!
Ahh {gasp} What are you thinking?
Ohh {scream/sigh} Doesn't she realize
(All) This is so exasperating
06/26/05 (12:22)
My heart's in quicksand
I despair
When I wrote this I was reminded of a much better writing by... who other than... mewithoutYou. Four lines in the song 'Bullet to Binary' that are in French.
Je leverai les yeux à toi
J'ai change cent foi le nom
Je leverai les yeux à toi
Je n'ai pas le désespoir
Which translates to something similar to this
I raise eyes to you
I have changed my name 100 times
I raise eyes to you
I do not despair
I just found this wonderful review for mewithoutYou, and I think I'll share it. (from http://bbjean.blogspot.com/)
Je leverai les yeux a toi
excuse my french.. mirrored in english this phrase means 'i turn my eyes to you' ..bless meWITHOUTyou..the band that i adore..who cleverly spilt such a beauty in one of their melodies..their poetic passion hurts..it pierces you with every note..leaving you bleeding profusely with the same wounds that have cut them so deeply...they've stolen my heart and you've stolen mine too ..write me something pretty..
Okay, well that's about it. Oh, I signed up for school today... summer school. One class, four days a week, 11:30 to 3:00. I start uh... well, I missed the first class which was today (the 27th), so I will be starting tomorrow. It's an English class.
And speaking of English... isn't this a great word: logiclessness. I made it up. I think... basically... it is the same as illogical. I think they both mean 'to be without logic,' or something close to that. -ness means 'to be' right? -less means 'without' right? But properly that word would have il- which I think means 'not' and -al which I think means something like 'of' or 'relating to.' So we have 'to be without' and 'not of' or 'not relating to.' Whatever! I just like my made up word. Logiclessness.
Well, I really like they youth pastor here, and his wife, and the youth group is pretty cool too. Only problem. Yesterday was the youth pastor's last day. He's leaving the church. So I don't know what's going to happen. I'll figure out something. So, here's a poll to anyone reading. Should I come back for StudentVenture and Swing Dancing this weekend? Will anyone check this before this weekend comes? Will I even check for comments before this weekend comes? I think I've forgotten about myself... or... what??? I'm confused. I'll be signing off now.
Oh, by the way, I made it 'home' safely. I never really called to tell anyone. I miss you all. Thank you for the best birthday I've ever had. Seriously, I haven't really had any birthday parties since I was like 10 because I never had any friends, and then before that they were always joint parties with my sister at Chuck-E-Cheese's, and I think even then, most of the guests were her friends, and the people I hung out with were her friends' younger brothers. So really, thank you. Thank you so much. I wish I had more pictures to remember it all. Speaking of which thank you Lauren for the pictures (and possibly Erika too, I'm not sure if you donated as well) and Amanda for the scrapbook {el libro de recuerdos [twothirtyeight - 'El Libro de Recuerdos' 'scrapbook'(or, literally, 'book of records')]}. And Josiah and Jenny for the autograph book. And Austin for whatever he's planning, and also Lui for what he's got coming. Oh, and also Josiah and Jenny for all the awesome random stuff. That gift, as I said, was 'more random than I am.' It was awesome, I love it. I think I broke the kazoo from playing it too much though :-(. I'll have to buy some more. Ooh, the pig... Everyone must have one. Jenny I love the pig. Erika, the cd is awesome, I hope you are having fun golfing and witnessing. I hope I haven't forgotten anyone. Lauren, thank Mike for the posters. I'll thank Kathryn just because she's awesome, and she needs to know that she deserves to be mentioned and remembered. And she went to the beach with us on my birthday. Can you imagine that? Kathryn at the beach? I just don't imagine that too well, but she was there. Thanks to Megan for letting me flip her (if you're going to try to tell me I'm strong in many ways, you need to trust my strength I guess, thank you). Thanks to Erika and Austin for helping me with dancing on my hands, and Brianna for helping me out with other dance moves. Thanks to Tony and Lui for the spiritual support. Thanks to everyone who went to the beach and "succeeded" in surprising me. Thanks to everyone who went swing dancing. Thanks to the SV midnight Wendy's group. Thanks to everyone. I love you all (possibly more than you know).
I must be going now. I can't be late for school. I'm nervous. I haven't been waking up well lately. I've been having weird dreams. And oddly enough, a lot of you guys are in them. I wake up thinking about you guys.
With great amounts of love, love and more love
Matthew Shane Eskuchen
Am I really nineteen??? I don't feel too much different...
COMMENTS
 |  SV humble_love2005-06-28 04:35 am UTC (link)     |
| If you want to, I think you should definitely come to Student Venture and swing dancing.....I don't think I will be able to make swing dancing but I'll be at SV....and your welcome for the scrapbook...I wanted to do it for you because you said you love pictures...so yeah. I'll talk to you later sometime.....and you'll do fine in your English class so don't worry about it |
| (Anonymous) 2005-06-28 06:11 pm UTC (link) |
| "So, Matt...How's this work?" HAHAHAHA Yeah, that was priceless! Ah, the memories. :) Any time for the spiritual support. I've got your back.;) That's what I do. Whoa! 19! I still can't believe that I'm 18. I'll be 19, 20, 21, before I know it. It's crazy how the years just go by. Love, Lui |
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