Giving up to start again

This past week has been rough.

• Monday I told my boss I planned to do something in a month and he said he approved of the idea.
• Tuesday I was crushed due to lack of participation in a project I've been working on, which ultimately throws off the plans I proposed on Monday (hard to host a special event when nobody wants to participate).
• Wednesday, I had the opportunity to discuss my project with a coach in order to iron out kinks and hopefully, eventually, push the project to a larger audience. My coach was in a van full of people on the road, distracted, and the call dropped several times before it devolved into a text message conversation with no productive outcome.
• Thursday, I felt so defeated, I didn't bother participating in my own project event. I didn't even bother checking in with the people that normally participate to see if it went well, or even happened at all. I was ready to throw in the towel.

I've been listening to the book "Dare to Lead" by Brené Brown, and Tuesday, I came across the section where she shares a story by Retired Air Force Colonel Dede Halfhill. The story touched on exactly what I was feeling and struggling with all week--exhaustion and loneliness.

I loved the way Dr. Brown narrated the story in the book, so I went looking for a clip of that exact audio on YouTube. I didn't find it, but I did find a couple videos with different tellings of the same story. 

edit: I should add that this list is in the order I found these videos. I've been bouncing around rewatching them to absorb the story, and I'd probably recommend watching them in chronological order: 2010 TED Talk, 2012 TED Talk, The Art of Language and Connection, and finally the Interview with Col Halfhill (retired). Now back to my regularly scheduled chaos...

First, here's the story. A weaker telling, but as close to the book as I could find:

This story revealed to me that the exhaustion I'm facing is LONELINESS. I feel alone in my efforts. I feel alone because I can't express my feelings with anyone due to the mandate of sterile, politically correct language. I lack friends. I feel alone at work. I feel alone at home. I don't know how to connect with others, or who to connect with. But this story tells me I'm not alone in those feelings.

In my search for other versions of the story, I found a full interview with Col Halfhill (retired) that covered The Man in the Arena quote by Theodore Roosevelt and how she met Brené Brown and shared the story that ended up in the book. I watched shortened clips of the interview out of order, but here's the full interview from start to finish. Thank you Josh for starting The HeroFront Podcast. I wish I had found this nine months ago:

This interview mentioned Brené Brown's TED Talks, so I went digging for those.

First there was Brené Brown's 2010 TED talk on Vulnerability:

And finally, Brené Brown's 2012 TED Talk on Shame (I think this one is stronger than the 2010 talk):

So now I'm back to reassessing the value of my project. Ultimately, I have to remember it's not about me. As I prepare to share some of these videos with my coworkers, and open up about my struggles, I drafted up the following to describe why I continue pressing forward:

For every one of me that's struggling to get people involved, there are hundreds of you who could potentially benefit from one of these discussions. So I can't give up.

Ultimately, the potential benefit this might bring far outweighs my frustrations and disappointments.

Accordingly, God reminded me this morning that He is bigger than my unmet expectations.

Also, just to end this in the key of AWESOME! Col Halfhill's story reminds me of this amazing song:

Jars of Clay, "Work" from the album Good Monsters (which is truly incredible, if you haven't heard it).

Another highlight from Good Monsters is the track "Oh My God":

And I'm done. Thanks.

The Tales of Old Natalia - Bear the Flame

So very excited by the mail today! (Even though my head is severely congested and I'm actually feeling rather miserable--I'm getting over a cold.)

Today, arrived a package bearing a golden sticker.

"Bear the Flame" it exclaims.

Here I have demonstrated the proper way to handle the golden stickers before recycling the package:

Oh! And this book was also included in the package:

You may want to check it out. Right, now. Before it's too late.

Tales of Old Natalia, Book 3: Prince Lander and the Dragon War

And if you haven't read the first two books (or 9 other related Green Ember books), you can pick up The Tales of Old Natalia, Book 1: The Black Star of Kingston for just 99 cents on Kindle, or get The Green Ember audiobook for free on S. D. Smiths website:

Operation Black Star Rising: Uncle Sam Needs YOU!

Here's my review of The Black Star of Kingston, recently copied from Audible to Goodreads:

The Black Star of Kingston by S.D. Smith
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

Stories of bravery and stories to make us brave

I thought I had reviewed this last year (2019), but the review isn't here (Audible.com), so I guess it didn't save properly. So here I am again.
I was really excited for this book, but ended up a bit disappointed for various reasons.
First, coming off of Joel Clarkson's narration of The Green Ember, Eric Fritzius just didn't give the audiobook the same life. Compared to Joel Clarkson's narration, this started out sounding like a text-to-speech engine for me. The narration moves too quickly and is mostly robotic with little variation (excluding Jimmi Docker, who stands out in my memory).
The next disappointment was not so much in the story, but in the presentation. In The Green Ember, the tales of Blackstar and Whitson Mariner are referenced as stories that were told over and over for the children. So I guess I was expecting and looking forward to something that was more episodic adventures, or perhaps 5-minute-story type chapters, rather than a long flowing story, that doesn't present itself as much of a bedtime story. Then the last piece to this disappointment, is that this seems to be the one adventure of Blackstar and King Whitson together, where The Green Ember makes it sound like Blackstar and the king were inseparable and had many adventures for many years.
So that's all for my nitpicking.
Other than the narration, and the story not being quite what I expected, it was a great story. Much shorter than The Green Ember, and less child-focused, but that doesn't make it any less child-friendly.
At only about one third the length of The Green Ember, the character development is quick, but strong, and the only place where the overall story suffers from the compression is that it could focus a bit more on the virtues of being brave, as that seems to be the legend behind the tale. The character lessons on bravery are subtle at best.
It focuses on the settling of Natalia and their first encounter with the birds of prey. You meet Blackstar the gardener, who wants to mine for coal, and King Whitson who has not been raised to be a king and must learn to come to grips with the demands of ruling and caring for the rabbits in his community. This introduces the origins of Blackstar's "My place beside you" oath; the creed of all rabbits loyal to King Whitson and his line.
I've listened to the Audible version twice now and just finished reading the Kindle version with our 7-year-old daughter. She loves this series (overall Green Ember series), and I'm very excited to be able to share it with her, because I love the series too. As I've said for other reviews in the series, I think most of these books deserve a solid 4 stars, but many I bump up to 5 because they're such an enjoyable ride, despite their flaws. The Black Star of Kingston sits solidly at a 4 in my eyes, especially the audio version.

[2022 Update]
And yet I still feel bad marking it down a star, because I love S. D. Smith and the series he's created.
I'm really excited to continue the Tales of Old Natalia with Book 3: Prince Lander and the Dragon War.
It comes out next month, so go pick up the series and get caught up!


View all my reviews

The Coming of "Prince Lander and the Dragon War"

Well, S.D. Smith has finished writing the 10th book in the Green Ember universe, and I'm stoked.

Pre-order your copy of Prince Lander and the Dragon War (Tales of Old Natalia, Book 3): https://sdsmith.com/store/

 

 

 

I'm writing this post for three reasons:

1. S.D. Smith has a contest for the release of the new book, and I didn't read all the details, but you have to create your own post about the series and you can read more details on Mr. Smith's blog.

2. So that all of my many zeros of readers will know how much I love the Green Ember series, I'm including in this post my 3-year-old review of the very first book, The Green Ember.

3. Finally, my nine-year-old daughter colored these pictures when she was seven! I've been a terrible father, and never shared them with S.D. Smith on Facebook like I was supposed to. So here they are:

And here's my review of The Green Ember. Don't let the 4 stars fool you, we truly love this series. I have re-read this book at least four times after my initial review, one of those times being when I began reading the entire series to my daughter.

The Green Ember by S.D. Smith
My rating: 4 of 5 stars

(Original review was posted 17 January 2019 on Audible. Updated some comments during my second listen in July 2019. Let a second listen within a year tell you how much I've enjoyed this series, even if I only gave it 4 stars.)

I was a little slow to get into this story, but perhaps it's just adjusting to a new narrator or getting to know the new characters in an audiobook. I can't say I was terribly fond of the reader. Sometimes his accents were far too strong and difficult to understand, other times his accents and pronunciations were inconsistent. For example a character with a gruff, raspy voice would sometimes lose the growl and occasionally have a much more normal voice. Overall, I think he did a decent job reading and he certainly has a wide range of voices and accent variations at his command to personify the different characters. There were just a few that needed to be toned down a bit. (On my second listen through, I still agree some of the accents should be toned down, but overall, I think I'm more able to appreciate the narration. He really does do a great job bringing these characters to life.)
The story starts off with a brief moment of peace before quickly throwing the characters into chase after chase. As soon as you think things are calming down, they're sprinting again. Even when the action lets up and allows you to catch your breath, the story builds a rich lore with glimpses of the histories of the world and characters. The running seemed a bit excessive early on, and started to lose my interest, but the middle smoothed the pace out and it all ended with an exhilarating dash to the finish.
There were certainly some things that didn't make much sense to me and although I tried listening to chapters over to see if I had missed something, I ended up just accepting it and moving on and usually things eventually became clear. One of these was the idea of the Mended Wood. At first mention it was given such weight by the character describing it and while the importance passes to the characters in the book, the description fell flat for me and I felt somewhat uninterested in the heroes' cause. It wasn't until a good while later when more history and lore was revealed that the idea truly started to feel important to me.
Another characterization that bugged me was Pickett's anger. Although I understand he's going through a lot and emotions are bound to run high, his constant and irrational anger seemed to be a crutch the author used to make him seem young or flawed. I still don't understand why he was angry all the time unless I'm supposed to just perceive him as an angsty teenager.
Everything seemed to come together very well at the end, and it was very exciting. Definitely ended on a high note.
One thing my imagination did while listening that I found very interesting was how I visualized the characters in my head. Although I generally visualized the characters as humanoid rabbits on two feet, as seen on the book cover, throughout the whole book, whenever characters were running, I instinctively imagined them on all fours. I continued this visualization instinctively all the way until some point near the end of the book when a description stood out to me to more clearly express a character was running on two legs rather than all fours and it almost diminished the effect of the movement for me. Just an interesting thing, I thought. I think I'd like to continue imagining the characters as running on all fours as it makes their movements seem more graceful and powerful as opposed to two large rabbit feet flapping around awkwardly like trying to run in diving flippers. (Guess I could always imagine Officer Hopps from Zootopia)

Overall an enjoyable read. I'm looking forward to continuing the journey in the Ember series.

View all my reviews

 

Don't forget to pre-order Prince Lander and the Dragon War!