Here, I borrowed some of your time to waste...

Blog from MySpace.

Current mood: surrendered and powerless
Category: Writing and Poetry

Hey, I haven't posted any poems in a while... so there's quite a bit to post... here goes...
Thanks for reading

12/29/06 (00:35)
My heart is broken
As much as I'd like to say it's not
My heart is wounded
As much as I'd like to say it's whole
My heart is beating
It's a crippled pace
And it's slowing down
My heart is broken
And I really do wish that I could say that nothing is wrong

12/29/06 (01:55)
It's such a big, big world
Am I taking it on alone?
Am I taking it on alone?

01/04/07 (18:07)
It gets so cold
When your heart beat slows
(You know now it's almost nothing at all)
Where is the "thump, thump" now?
And it's "Sold!"
To the lowest bid
Promise to the lonely kid
"One day your day will come"
One day we'll wish we hadn't turned you down
Not for fame
Not for profit
But then we'll know
You truly loved it
You didn't lie
You didn't fake it
It was love
How'd you break it?
How'd you break his heart?
He's everything you ever wanted
To him you were perfect
And he meant it
You were everything he wanted
(and so much more than could be imagined)

01/09/07 (14:39)
Falls Right Into Place
Calm, collected, medicated
(I think, perhaps I'll make it)
Heavily medicated
Cleaning, working, draining
(I'm running out of energy)
Not eating, Not sleeping
Trying to keep up
(I'm falling behind, and right in place)
No response
Panic
Chaos
("Stop scaring yourself!")
Nothing in focus
(I need to close my eyes)
Blind, ignorant, naive
(Just let me adjust to this)
Everything's so freaking fast
Everyone wants everything
All I have is what I jump on
Before it jumps on me
(I want this now)
(I won't fear losing what I have)
(I want you here)
The race isn't so bad
The hard part's waiting for the gun

01/09/07 (14:57)
We went so fast
My God! I can't slow down
I suppose this is the easy way out

01/09/07 (15:15)
What a nice little box
Why don't you lock yourself in
No one ever comes or goes here
What a neat little box
So far away
From everything and everyone you ever loved

And I'm starting to panic
The walls are closing in
I'm locked inside
And I cannot escape 'here'
All the "exit" signs are closed
The windows all have bars
And the open sky is painted on
Marked "Closed for Renovations"

And I'm just praying for patience
To catch your scent one more time
To touch your lips
And hold your hand in mine
Your voice on the phone
This is hard
It takes effort...
But I'm in it forever

What a nice little box
So well self-contained
I think I'll lock myself away
What a neat little box
Lonely and isolated
I think I'll lock myself away
So far away
From everything
It's not by choice
I'm trying to escape
I'll find my way to you.

01/11/07 (04:38)
What a nice little box
Why don't you lock yourself in
No one ever comes or goes here
What a neat little box
So far away
From everything
And everyone
You ever loved

So far away when it seemed so near
And now I'm starting to panic
I hope this silence means nothing
Nothing more than everything's gone quiet
Watching and waiting
Still I hear nothing
Time pauses as the world takes a breath
Hold it in, in awe of what will happen

And now I'm starting to panic
I hope this silence means everything
Everything but "it's over"

I've forgotten this foreign tongue
I once knew it all to well
Almost as well as I've come to know this graveyard
What a beautiful box
So well self-contained
I think I'll bury it beneath my stone carved name
What a full, regret-free box
Lonely and isolated
I think I'll crawl inside
And lock myself away
Even under ground the silence sounds the same

(Thump Thump . . . Thump Thump)
I think I heard my heart break
And now I'm starting to panic
The walls are closing in
I know I'm locked inside
And I cannot escape 'here'
Here where I'm trapped
Sinking under all alone
I wish I had the strength
Or a friend to help me out

The lights go out
There's a tapping on the wall
I think someone cares
They've finally come to get me
False alarm
I'll try to sleep
As you shovel dirt over my grave

Panic... what's the use?
I'll just pray for patience
I just want
To catch your scent
And one more chance
To touch your lips
And hold your hand in mine

All the lighted signs are posted
In the center where the exit signs are all dead
And all the shattered glass from windows
Proves the bars are too close
There's no escaping
Where not even the wind blows
And I thought it was so close
I could taste it in her kiss
She looked at me
I smiled because she's happy
But here the ground is red
There's been an accident
A page-and-a-half
Was all that he could pass
Before his eyes welled up
And he cried himself to death

The sky opened up its jaw
Swallowing him whole
I'll not forget this lesson offers hope

01/11/07 (04:38)
Where once they laid a box
They unearthed a broken heart
Packed it away
Shipped it off
("Home is where you need to go")

"You don't belong here"
They told the boy with gladness
"We only borrowed you to keep ourselves from sadness"
Used and thrown away
He turned to go home
When a young girl caught his eye
She had heart enough
To tell him not to apologize
"We really did love you,
But we've finally found each other
It's time for you to go now"
She told me it was real
That it would be forever
And until I wanted it
I never had a doubt
But once I found the gates to heaven
They were locking them down
"Closed for an Addition"
(05:37)

Ohio speaks
I'm drowning under empty sheets
Bathed in sunlight
Ohio speaks!
Ohio speaks!
(I wait silently for a quiet ring)
Silence Speak!
Don't lock me out
Don't forget me!
Don't block me out
Ohio! Ohio!
(speak)

1/19/07 (17:55)
It's not visible to the naked eye
So I'll bare my soul!

Get it out!
Get it out!
BLOOD FLOW
Clear this wound!
Pick up your head
You're too young to be holding your breath for so long
Pick up your head
Breathe Little One!
Breathe!

Don't break my heart again!

Breathe!
Clear air, Clear lungs
Breath!
Get the smoke out of there
Clean air, Clear lungs
(Don't die on me)
Get it out! Get it out!
Nature!
Clear this smoke from our lungs!
(we've seen days less cruel)

1/21/07 (02:00)
An effort proves your lies are true
Trying shows me you really care
All in favor of this love lasting
(I suppose the silence says it all)
Going once
Going twice
On to the next item of business
"This soldier needs a replacement heart"
"How was the current apparatus ruined?"
"Details are vague, but it seems the radio operator stopped transmitting"

01/22/07 (11:56)
Is it really this simple?
Don't just let me go!
I can't believe that this could be goodbye...
Take care.
Take good care of that precious little heart
It's more fragile than you know
Don't let it fall into the hands of the world.
Don't let it fall into the hands of death
Give it to Love
Surrender to Love.

1/22/07 (19:50)
When I'm low enough
To be the least of these
Open my eyes
We are all human!
We were all created with the same purpose
All created to love
When I am low enough
Teach me to be the least of these
All we are is human
All I am is dust

1/24/07 (15:10)
We all have broken hearts
Where metallic screams
Haunt our broken dreams
And we all need the missing parts
To piece together our broken hearts

But healing is a process it seems we can't afford
So we keep our wounded centers
Buried beneath the dark of winters
Never-ending pain we horde
Decorating hell as our hospital ward

02/05/07 (10:30)
Another sleepless night
Another lonely sunrise
Oh! What I wouldn't give
To find you in my arms
Or to find myself in yours.

02/06/07 (17:13)
No desire for a fire
Put the flame out
It's so cold here
My heart is never thawing out
And I'm giving up
No fight left in me
(You were never good for anything)
Stupid little boy
(You were a comforter in a lonely, distant land)
Foolish little child
(You were never good for anything)
Poor lonely child
(What do you have left when innocence is gone?)
NOTHING NOTHING
NOTHING NOTHING
Everything is gone
Stolen with a kiss
Everything is gone
Stolen by a single breath!

Don't tell me that I'm not alone!
Don' tell me that I'm not...
You've got it! You've got it!
You've got everything I've lost
You've got it! You've got it!
You've taken me
For everything I'm worth!
Drained Poor Empty
ALONE
Don't tell me that I'm not!
Don't tell me that I'm
NOTHING!

It's hard to find a way to not apologize for not writing anything happy. I've had happy days.... (half of these were written on happy days)... I just have sad moments on happy days... or I just think up sad things better than happy ones. (it would take me forever to fly if I were Peter Pan)

Matthew



(God is going to have to do this... I have no strength left to carry this cross)

Currently listening : Oh! Gravity. By Switchfoot Release date: By 26 December, 2006

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	Lo-Mac	01/09/07 (15:15) I feel like my words are inadequate when trying to describe how much I love your writing...especially that one... And sad stuff is way easier to write about. Don't apologize. luv ya Matt!!! Posted by Lo-Mac on Saturday, February 10, 2007 at 12:36 PM

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elyse

Your blogs are quite interesting as well. You're an awesome writer. Keep them going. I feel honored that mine was the first one read all the way through in a while. That must mean I'm special. Posted by elyse on Monday, February 12, 2007 at 1:51 PM

Blindside

Blog from MySpace.

Category: Music

Blindside - "When I Remember"

That boy is gone
Sometimes I miss the way he wept at night
To be still and not run
To be rocked to sleep in Your light
These days there is not much that will bring tears to my eyes
But when I remember who I am and who You are
When I remember

A cloud moves in, rain falls, thunder strikes
And sunshine breaks through the clouds

I am walking blind
So distracted that I don't even feel when You hold me
When did I grow such thick skin
You are my sunshine and rain
My joy and sweet pain
I'm a spotless stain
That boy is gone
But nobody moves me like You do
When I remember

A could moves in, rain falls, thunder strikes
And sunshine breaks through the clouds
I can cry out of sorrow and joy
Every drop of rain turns into a crystal in the sun
So wash my eyes, my clothes, my skin, my bones, my soul
My feet, my love
I'm not forgotten
I'm in your thoughts cause I feel sunshine in the rain

To this day nobody moves
Nobody
Nobody moves me like You

When I remember...

Blindside - "Eye Of The Storm"

I think I've stayed for the last time
Goodbye!
Hope is so much closer to beauty than sorrow
I think I'll leave and leave self pity to die
Reflection is always brighter than the shadow

Please come closer
Cause I don't even touch You anymore
Please see I'm walking in to the eye of the storm
And I'll still come out loving You even more

Love is in the air tonight
So just breathe
You made sure the atmosphere was thick tonight
So this is where it begins and where it ends
With a crack in a dark sky piercing light

Please come closer
Cause my heart doesn't touch Yours anymore
Please see I'm walking into the eye of the storm
And I'll still come out loving You even more

Love is in the air tonight so just breathe
Breathe my spirit breathe
Leave, leave now and don't look back
Leave, leave now and don't you look back

Please come closer
Cause my heart doesn't touch Yours anymore
Please see I'm walking into the eye of the storm
And I'll still come out loving You even more

Blindside - "Midnight"

Fast lane, sane, insane this world is running
And I'm walking with a cane
Seek, seek you can be unique
But whatever you do don't let your inside out
But I've got to take a leak

And I know You're alive
And you know I will always try
I could never care less about
What this world has to offer if the price is to die
I'll keep my human spirit alive

Man I'm so weak
Come on over here I'll let you have a peek
Inside my heart cause you're the one I seek
I know I'm slow but wherever I go
I hear your steps echo

And I know You're alive
And I'll give my heart to survive
This world has nothing to offer a human soul
Reaching for the sky
So Father of light
Keep my human spirit alive

Will I try to hide away in the secret space of my heart
Will I try in time
Will I try with my feet on the ground of shadows
But my hands towards the light
Will I try in time

Your eyes --Are always there
Your eyes --Are what I came for
Your eyes --Drive away my fear
Your eyes --I could just stand there and adore

Stop just right there
Everything has to stop to steal time
For whom I want to be near
Yes I do care and I love the love we share

And I know You're alive
I'll give my heart to survive
This world has nothing to offer a human soul
Reaching for the sky
So Father of light
Keep this human spirit alive
Will I try...

Seems there is nothing to remind me of peace down here
So how come that all I feel is joy

Blindside - "You Must Be Bleeding Under Your Eyelids"

Her pain is a fog that he inhales
Puts down the phone, neck suddenly stale
It's just another night with a sad different song
Heard from somewhere now she sings along
Turn the car-key, back out of the driveway
He sees her face and he closes his eyes
She still believes the lies

Pretty pretty eyes with a darker tone
Another hour in front of the mirror now all the scars are shown
They say let's have another toast let's sing another song
She tries but the vine is bitter and the words wrong
She still believes the lies

When you see yourself you're seeing red
And it makes you blind
You must be bleeding under your eyelids tonight
You wait for something to break the mold
And all I can do is wipe the blood from your eyes
You must be bleeding under your eyelids

One tear in the sink, swallow the next one
Now out of sight but not really gone
I put the key in the door don't want to walk through
Hang on the handle for a second or two
As the door opens I feel your sadness from across the room
And now for your beauty I'm lost for words

When you see yourself you're seeing red
And it makes you blind
You must be bleeding under your eyelids tonight
You wait for something to break the mold
And all I can do is wipe the blood from your eyes
You must be bleeding under your eyelids tonight

Wait for something to break the mold
Before your eyes grow old and cold
Keep your ears close to the ground
Don't move until you hear a sound

Currently listening : About a Burning Fire By Blindside Release date: By 24 February, 2004

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Austin AKA Crazy Rifle Monkey

I have blindside sleepwalker as my ring tone on my phone right now. and it rocks. Posted by Austin AKA Crazy Rifle Monkey on Tuesday, February 06, 2007 at 1:06 PM

As Cities Burn - Admission : Regret

Blog from MySpace.

Category: Music

As Cities Burn - "Admission: Regret"

So I hear there's a whole world out there
But I've grown to love this bed too much to leave it
If love really drives out fear
Then I pray it's her voice I've been hearing outside my door

One more time, Love, won't you come remind me
I'm someone believed in
I'm some one still within your reach
'Cause all I've got is sleep
Against my fear of being swept away
By the wind, the undertow, and thought

Regret!

So I hear there's a whole world out there
But I've grown to love this bed too much to leave it
I keep hearing about this world out there
Come untie me from this bed
Come untie me from the wicked things I love

Awake! Awake in the company of men given something to say
Give me a servant's heart
And a tongue to obey
Awake! Come wind!
Awake! Come thought!
Tired head, take up your mat,
Take your mat and walk!

Currently listening : Son, I Loved You at Your Darkest By As Cities Burn Release date: By 21 June, 2005

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